I said WHAT?
You said ....14 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This is perfect.I've told posters my ADD can't follow these conversation only posts. You have kindly varied the colors per character. Food is always a crowd pleaser too. I had my characters enjoying finger foods and was complimented. How romantic, I'd have to be drugged upon dramanine myself. Now that guy's a keeper.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2023
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This is perfect.I've told posters my ADD can't follow these conversation only posts. You have kindly varied the colors per character. Food is always a crowd pleaser too. I had my characters enjoying finger foods and was complimented. How romantic, I'd have to be drugged upon dramanine myself. Now that guy's a keeper.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2023
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Thank you very much for reviewing this one from quite a while ago. I am so glad you enjoyed it and gave a positive review. Greatly appreciated.
Wendy
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I like going back & working my way forward
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Thank you. I appreciate it a great deal. No reward either. Just the pleasure ( I hope) of reading.
W
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Wonderful
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is skillfully done, apart from a few minor mistakes in the direction (the experts tell me you only write in direction things the audience can see - not the same as stage direction - so e.g. there is no place for the reason why Mandy can't stand. Somehow you have to convey that in the dialogue...). You have managed to convey action convincingly. Kate xx
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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This is skillfully done, apart from a few minor mistakes in the direction (the experts tell me you only write in direction things the audience can see - not the same as stage direction - so e.g. there is no place for the reason why Mandy can't stand. Somehow you have to convey that in the dialogue...). You have managed to convey action convincingly. Kate xx
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thank you Kate. It's my first script, so I am trying to take on board (ha ha - boat story) everyone's suggestions. Your review is very encouraging, and helpful, as I really have little idea of the rules for script-writing! I've tried to change a few bits in light of your comments. Thanks again.
Wendy
Comment from lyenochka
Awww! That's the best outcome one could hope for. I have heard of a first date where the girl pukes on her date and they still get married later! Lol. Oh, I love watching whales but I get too seasick and blink just at the wrong times so I can sympathize with Mandy. I do wear seabands which help a little.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Awww! That's the best outcome one could hope for. I have heard of a first date where the girl pukes on her date and they still get married later! Lol. Oh, I love watching whales but I get too seasick and blink just at the wrong times so I can sympathize with Mandy. I do wear seabands which help a little.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thanks so much Helen. A super review. We don't live near the sea so she (daughter) hadn't much experience of sailing but now knows to take sea-sickness tablets or wear a band. Lol. Learnt the hard way.
Wendy
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading this contest entry. You did a great job writing this and the dialogue seemed natural. My only suggestion would be to let your readers know up front which color each person's dialogue is in. I had to read a while before I figured it out. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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I enjoyed reading this contest entry. You did a great job writing this and the dialogue seemed natural. My only suggestion would be to let your readers know up front which color each person's dialogue is in. I had to read a while before I figured it out. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thank you Barbara for your lovely review. Yes, I have already now included that info this morning, so it should be easier now.
Wendy
Comment from royowen
What a great post. Some relationships can fall apart because of environment, or location, and this is one of them, I think many of the dates I had when I was a callow teenager, were decidedly misguided, who knows, it's a good thing God guided me, I was useless, beautifully written Wendy, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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What a great post. Some relationships can fall apart because of environment, or location, and this is one of them, I think many of the dates I had when I was a callow teenager, were decidedly misguided, who knows, it's a good thing God guided me, I was useless, beautifully written Wendy, blessings Roy
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thank you Roy. Yes, we certainly need God?s guidance. I appreciate your review.
Wendy
Comment from Pantygynt
This is set out like a script but it is listed as fiction. Compared with most scripts I think it is pretty good the story gets told through the characters own words but there is perhaps just too much narrative to be a genuine script and too little to be a really good story.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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This is set out like a script but it is listed as fiction. Compared with most scripts I think it is pretty good the story gets told through the characters own words but there is perhaps just too much narrative to be a genuine script and too little to be a really good story.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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So intuitive. It?s my first script ( I entered the contest before I realised it had to be a script, so it?s a work in progress. I?d better check my classification. Thanks for your help and words of wisdom.
Wendy
Comment from K. Lang-Slattery
This story is fun and charming and reading that it was almost all true was both sad and happy! I like the ending too. However, I find the actual dialogue doesn't seem natural and too expository. In a script, I think stage directions can help and are allowed. With stage directions you could include some actions (then characters wouldn't have to talk about the actions) I'd like the dialogue to show some hesitation or shyness in the beginning and at the end, lots of tears. But still, it's a fun story that could be expanded.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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This story is fun and charming and reading that it was almost all true was both sad and happy! I like the ending too. However, I find the actual dialogue doesn't seem natural and too expository. In a script, I think stage directions can help and are allowed. With stage directions you could include some actions (then characters wouldn't have to talk about the actions) I'd like the dialogue to show some hesitation or shyness in the beginning and at the end, lots of tears. But still, it's a fun story that could be expanded.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thanks Kate. I appreciate your thoughts. It's my first script, so I didn't want to interrupt it too much with directions, but I can adapt that a bit, and will do so. I remained true to their characters in real life. Neither is shy, and she would not be prone to tears!
Thanks again.
Wendy
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Yes, it's important to remain true to your characters (who you know better than anyone) and have them do what they would do. Not sure about the contests on FanStory, but there are contests sponsored by literary magazines, etc. Check out https://winningwriters.com/our-contests/tom-howard-john-h-reid-fiction-essay-contest
Comment from Paul McFarland
Nice story, Wendy. When you start the conversations, it isn't quite clear who is speaking. It is cleared up later. This should do quite well in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Nice story, Wendy. When you start the conversations, it isn't quite clear who is speaking. It is cleared up later. This should do quite well in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thank you Paul. I just added a note to explain which colour represents which person (blue for boys, lol).
Wendy
Comment from Teri7
Wendy, This is a really great short story you have penned for the First Date contest entry. You used great descriptive words and great imagery from your words. Also great picture you chose too! Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Wendy, This is a really great short story you have penned for the First Date contest entry. You used great descriptive words and great imagery from your words. Also great picture you chose too! Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thank you Teri! I appreciate and value the six stars, as well as your supportive words. I am glad you enjoyed it.
Wendy
Comment from Anne Johnston
Very well done on this script and what a great entry for the contest.
Sometimes the things that we feel are the most disastrous turn out to be blessings. So glad that this turned out well for the couple. I love your closing words: "But next time we'll stay on dry land!"
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Very well done on this script and what a great entry for the contest.
Sometimes the things that we feel are the most disastrous turn out to be blessings. So glad that this turned out well for the couple. I love your closing words: "But next time we'll stay on dry land!"
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thank you Anne. I appreciate your encouragement and support.
Wendy
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You are welcome, Wendy.
