The Tor
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "The Mask"Adventures around & upon a hill
8 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
This s very philosophical chapter, Liz, with Madeline/Samuel reflecting on her/his life remembering both the past and the future. I like how you're taking us on this journey, and the refresher notes at the beginning. Well done.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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This s very philosophical chapter, Liz, with Madeline/Samuel reflecting on her/his life remembering both the past and the future. I like how you're taking us on this journey, and the refresher notes at the beginning. Well done.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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Oh good, you must have settled in. Thank you for positive review. It is a balm for the psyche after getting a 3! I looked and saw Wordfinder gives them out like nickels & there's not one post in their portfolio. I made sure I reviewed the posts that got a 3. I told them, this person has an anger issue & some of us are are their dart board. So Judy, thank you for the perfect6 timing.
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You?re most welcome, Liz. We are settled in, but too busy to find much time to review or post. I do what I can. That three-star person sounds like maybe a newbie trying to follow the stated reviewing guidelines?
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I'm glad you are safely settled in...yuh, that 3 star person just joined. I was going to review one of their so they could see a decent review. They've written nothing. Could someone be on here just to review? It seems that's their goal from how they describe themselves.
Comment from Fleedleflump
I've PDFed the whole book so I can read it from the start and catch myself up. I really enjoyed the musings about others in different times, and how the music made the connection (much in the way memories often work). You definitely remind me of some of Katherine Kerr's work (loved her books when I was at school).
Apologies for all the notes below - it's mostly additional commas that kept making me paused and threw sentences out of whack. I hope you don't mind :-)
Mike
Spag notes:
'Beneath the mask, was the face of a kind man. He had pretended so hard for so long, to be a gentle person, he had become one.'' - only the last comma is needed here - the first two can be removed.
'attempting to glue the jigsaw puzzle of our life, back together.' - this comma can definitely go :-)
'Amidst the melange of acrid body odor, lovely fragrances of the flowers, Francis tenderly grew and Joseph caringly placed, and sweet incense, I meditate, trying to soothe my savage soul.' - this sentence (which I LOVE for its rich descriptions) completely threw me until I removed the comma after 'flowers' - then it made complete sense
'I hear what indicates to me, I've found heaven. This is not the kind, religious people speak of' - both of these commas can go.
'anyone who had a skill or talent, to foster it for the sake of the community' - so can this one :-)
'not as pretty appearing, as in the 21st century' - the comma is misleading, but I'd also remove 'appearing' since we're in PoV, so the appearing is assumed.
'It matters not to me, what chords they play' - unnecessary comma.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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I've PDFed the whole book so I can read it from the start and catch myself up. I really enjoyed the musings about others in different times, and how the music made the connection (much in the way memories often work). You definitely remind me of some of Katherine Kerr's work (loved her books when I was at school).
Apologies for all the notes below - it's mostly additional commas that kept making me paused and threw sentences out of whack. I hope you don't mind :-)
Mike
Spag notes:
'Beneath the mask, was the face of a kind man. He had pretended so hard for so long, to be a gentle person, he had become one.'' - only the last comma is needed here - the first two can be removed.
'attempting to glue the jigsaw puzzle of our life, back together.' - this comma can definitely go :-)
'Amidst the melange of acrid body odor, lovely fragrances of the flowers, Francis tenderly grew and Joseph caringly placed, and sweet incense, I meditate, trying to soothe my savage soul.' - this sentence (which I LOVE for its rich descriptions) completely threw me until I removed the comma after 'flowers' - then it made complete sense
'I hear what indicates to me, I've found heaven. This is not the kind, religious people speak of' - both of these commas can go.
'anyone who had a skill or talent, to foster it for the sake of the community' - so can this one :-)
'not as pretty appearing, as in the 21st century' - the comma is misleading, but I'd also remove 'appearing' since we're in PoV, so the appearing is assumed.
'It matters not to me, what chords they play' - unnecessary comma.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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I am grateful for your observative review. I think I may have told you, in school I was told I didn't have enough commas. Now I am over correcting. Maybe I should switch & worry someone will tell me I don't have enough commas. It would certainly make things easier for you....lol I'm going to have to check
Katherine Kerr out. I will prepare for some serious commasectomy. When you ready this book from the beginning. You will probably see a plethora of unnecessary commas. You can just read and enjoy. No reviews necessary, unless you are as compulsive as I when reading anything, wanting to make comments. I was a writing teacher so it's in my blood to comment.
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No worries about the commas - I just hope I don't annoy you pointing then out :-)
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No, it amuses me...lol I have become such a better writer since being on here. It is comforting to have friendly mentors, who become friends.
Comment from Wordfinder
Lovely imagination and deep spiritual feel with life lessons. This could be a great book but I feel it needs some heavy editing to streamline and improve continuity.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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Lovely imagination and deep spiritual feel with life lessons. This could be a great book but I feel it needs some heavy editing to streamline and improve continuity.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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It is difficult coming in cold. If you are interested, it is about a real trip to England but tweaked to go 'Twilight Zone ish' The first 18 chapters are about the power spots we visited, along with a crop circle. All with discussion about the Michael & Mary ley lines. This was building up to an idea of a sense we'd gotten, that we'd been there before. There were some pretty horrible things that happened. So I decided to write about them. You are welcome to scan through my portfolio to read any chapters leading up to this chapter. You could begin on chapter 16 to get into it. No need for a review, just enjoy.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I find pure contemplation an interesting tool in novel writing, but often it disturbs readers as it totally halts the plot progression. Therefore, it should be used for relatively short stretches. Its strength is that it allows character motivation to be considered. Kate xx
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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I find pure contemplation an interesting tool in novel writing, but often it disturbs readers as it totally halts the plot progression. Therefore, it should be used for relatively short stretches. Its strength is that it allows character motivation to be considered. Kate xx
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thank you for your insight review.
Comment from lyenochka
This is a deep reflection on human connections beyond the superficial. I don't believe in reincarnation but I can imagine it through your book. Earlier today, I read Annmuma's reflection on the afterlife and she also mentioned that connection people might feel as if they knew each other in another time.
What I liked was the heavenly effect of the harp music that also opened Madeline's eyes to who these other brothers in the 15th century might be in the 21st century.
One comment:
I liked the feeling in "I need to quiet the buzzing, chainsawing my brain, causing an excruciating ache," but the sentence needs some rearranging. Maybe the "chain-sawing" is "in" the brain? And it's not the brain that is causing the headache but the noise so you might want to change the word order.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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This is a deep reflection on human connections beyond the superficial. I don't believe in reincarnation but I can imagine it through your book. Earlier today, I read Annmuma's reflection on the afterlife and she also mentioned that connection people might feel as if they knew each other in another time.
What I liked was the heavenly effect of the harp music that also opened Madeline's eyes to who these other brothers in the 15th century might be in the 21st century.
One comment:
I liked the feeling in "I need to quiet the buzzing, chainsawing my brain, causing an excruciating ache," but the sentence needs some rearranging. Maybe the "chain-sawing" is "in" the brain? And it's not the brain that is causing the headache but the noise so you might want to change the word order.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thank you for your insightful review. I will attend to those observations.
Comment from Jay Squires
"Previously: We've been listening to a story told by Madeline ..." [This which you wrote as a summary of the previous chapter was exquisite! Just what the reader needs. Now, I can go in with a full 180 degree sweep and know what's going on!
I need to quiet the buzzing, chainsawing my brain, [Great metaphor!]
I cannot see their hooded faces, but I know they are there. [Do you mean "see behind their hooded faces ..." or he can't even see the hoods themselves?]
This is some deep stuff, Liz ... ably depicted!
Jay
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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"Previously: We've been listening to a story told by Madeline ..." [This which you wrote as a summary of the previous chapter was exquisite! Just what the reader needs. Now, I can go in with a full 180 degree sweep and know what's going on!
I need to quiet the buzzing, chainsawing my brain, [Great metaphor!]
I cannot see their hooded faces, but I know they are there. [Do you mean "see behind their hooded faces ..." or he can't even see the hoods themselves?]
This is some deep stuff, Liz ... ably depicted!
Jay
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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Wow. What a nice review. I thought, 'what will Jay find?' & I caught them. I did hesitate about how I should have said hoods. I will expain that they have their hoods pulled up.
Once again, thank you.
Comment from aryr
Wow, an amazing continuation chapter, Liz. I was impressed that Madeline/ Brother Samuel finally figured it out that her friends were indeed there practicing on 15th century harps. This was a great accomplishment, just like milking cows. It had proved helpful for her/him. Just as playing a harp was. Very well done, greatly enjoyed.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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Wow, an amazing continuation chapter, Liz. I was impressed that Madeline/ Brother Samuel finally figured it out that her friends were indeed there practicing on 15th century harps. This was a great accomplishment, just like milking cows. It had proved helpful for her/him. Just as playing a harp was. Very well done, greatly enjoyed.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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A great review. I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much.
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You are so welcome, Liz, I enjoyed it very much.
Comment from jessizero
I am still enjoying reading as your story evolves. I like the thought that these might not be the only lives these friends have lived together. Keep up the good work! As always, thank you for continuing to share this work here, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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I am still enjoying reading as your story evolves. I like the thought that these might not be the only lives these friends have lived together. Keep up the good work! As always, thank you for continuing to share this work here, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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A great review. I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much, also pleased you like the mention of even earlier past lives.