Song of Survival
Rhyming Wave Potlatch Club post11 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Well done with your Rhyming Wave poem, Joan. Your repeated words work well in this story about the mermaid luring the sailors to there death. Cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2022
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Well done with your Rhyming Wave poem, Joan. Your repeated words work well in this story about the mermaid luring the sailors to there death. Cheers
Valda
Comment Written 08-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2022
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Thanks for the review, Valda
Joan
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You told your story well, DP. I liked your subject.
I remember the sirens. I could see everything you
mentioned. The repeats add to the mystery and
intrigue of these mythological creatures.
Thanks for participating, Jan
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2022
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You told your story well, DP. I liked your subject.
I remember the sirens. I could see everything you
mentioned. The repeats add to the mystery and
intrigue of these mythological creatures.
Thanks for participating, Jan
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2022
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Thanks, Jan, for the review and for heading this club. I like trying new forms and returning to older forms.
Joan
Comment from lyenochka
That sounds rather scary. Is this one of the Sirens as in the Odyssey? I think you did a great job with this Rhyming Wave form and you even have an ocean theme!
Suggestion:
Her song lure sailors (lures)
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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That sounds rather scary. Is this one of the Sirens as in the Odyssey? I think you did a great job with this Rhyming Wave form and you even have an ocean theme!
Suggestion:
Her song lure sailors (lures)
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thanks for reading and reviewing my poem. Yes, it is the sirens from The Odyssey. Glad you liked it , Helen.
I will make the change.
Joan
Comment from royowen
Of course that's what happened Odysseus in his travels, they stopped their ears, but he told t them to tie him to the mast, and not to untie him under any circumstances, this is a beautifully written poem in this new form, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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Of course that's what happened Odysseus in his travels, they stopped their ears, but he told t them to tie him to the mast, and not to untie him under any circumstances, this is a beautifully written poem in this new form, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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Thanks for reading and writing, Roy.
Joan
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Most welcome Joan
Comment from mermaids
You have a clear picture in your words of this siren luring men in so she can live. You have a strong steady beat in your words and you create a clear scene here. This is a mermaid men should avoid.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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You have a clear picture in your words of this siren luring men in so she can live. You have a strong steady beat in your words and you create a clear scene here. This is a mermaid men should avoid.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
Thanks. I am glad you liked the rhythm, meter is usually one of downfalls.
Joan
Comment from harmony13
The author's words are interesting, eccentric, thought provoking,
descriptive and creative. I found this poem an interesting read and
spent time thinking about it. The words flow and connect well.
The title goes well with the theme and words of this poem.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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The author's words are interesting, eccentric, thought provoking,
descriptive and creative. I found this poem an interesting read and
spent time thinking about it. The words flow and connect well.
The title goes well with the theme and words of this poem.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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Thanks for your thorough and encouraging review.
Joan
Comment from Elviss
The repetition that the second lines of the quatrains possess does a good job of emphasizing the main aspects of the poem. I loved how the last two lines reconciled the first line of the first quatrain and the last line of the last quatrain.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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The repetition that the second lines of the quatrains possess does a good job of emphasizing the main aspects of the poem. I loved how the last two lines reconciled the first line of the first quatrain and the last line of the last quatrain.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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Thank you for your review, Elvis.
Joan
Comment from Jumbo J
Oh Dear Dragonpoet(((((((((((((,
That's done it... I'm not going out on my boat, or anywhere near craggy rock again. I don't care if the fishing is good off the reefs.
It sounds as though this siren means serious business... and I am a sucker for a sweet female's voice.
I'm not too familiar on the form of Potlatch poetry, but I see there is a repeating theme that has a catchy lyrical flow to it... which allows the reader(Me) to follow and even try to put it to tune.
It's fun and very good.
A very familiar tale, told and relayed in a very pleasant form.
Nicely executed.
With our thoughts we create...
sweet survival.
Kind regards,
James.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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Oh Dear Dragonpoet(((((((((((((,
That's done it... I'm not going out on my boat, or anywhere near craggy rock again. I don't care if the fishing is good off the reefs.
It sounds as though this siren means serious business... and I am a sucker for a sweet female's voice.
I'm not too familiar on the form of Potlatch poetry, but I see there is a repeating theme that has a catchy lyrical flow to it... which allows the reader(Me) to follow and even try to put it to tune.
It's fun and very good.
A very familiar tale, told and relayed in a very pleasant form.
Nicely executed.
With our thoughts we create...
sweet survival.
Kind regards,
James.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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Thanks for your thorough review. I am sorry I scared you.
I would like to hear it in a song.
Joan
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
The story of mermaids causing ships to sink and sending men to their deaths is an old one, but still a story that captures our attention. I think we'd all secretly like to meet a mermaid. I don't think they are after women, but that is something we'll never know. I really enjoyed this form for your poem, it has a sort of pirate feel in this rhythm. Well done, my friend. I found one nit. Take (we) out and replace it with, Why. I really enjoyed this one. :)) Sandra xxx
That's (we) why her voice is so sweet
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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The story of mermaids causing ships to sink and sending men to their deaths is an old one, but still a story that captures our attention. I think we'd all secretly like to meet a mermaid. I don't think they are after women, but that is something we'll never know. I really enjoyed this form for your poem, it has a sort of pirate feel in this rhythm. Well done, my friend. I found one nit. Take (we) out and replace it with, Why. I really enjoyed this one. :)) Sandra xxx
That's (we) why her voice is so sweet
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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Thanks for the nice review, Sandra. But I think the Sirens were half bird and half woman. Not mermaids.
Joan
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Her song means for survival, in the boat and beyond, the melody touches the rocks, and her melodious song lures seamen and sailors and many others; as if magical and attitudinal; well said, well done, post god speed more, share post not 4 self-joy-pride but 4 God and readers worldwide Alcreator Litt Dear (DR)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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Her song means for survival, in the boat and beyond, the melody touches the rocks, and her melodious song lures seamen and sailors and many others; as if magical and attitudinal; well said, well done, post god speed more, share post not 4 self-joy-pride but 4 God and readers worldwide Alcreator Litt Dear (DR)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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Thanks, Al, for the nice comments and high rating. Both are much appreciated.
Joan
