Meeting a Ghostly Laird
meeting a Ghost in Scotland6 total reviews
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
I'm assuming this is not as historical an accounting as what it may at first appear to be.
Several suggestions:
Para 1, 3rd sentence Hyphenate (two week) = (two-week)
Para 3, 1st sentence: Add comma after (years)
Para 3, 3rd sentence: Add quote marks (") after (everywhere.)
Para 4, 1st sentence: Add quote marks (") before (He)
Para 3 & 4: Convention is that a quote is not carried from one paragraph to the next but must be concluded at the end of that paragraph.
Para 8: Need punctuation after (said) Probably a colon (:)
Para 9: Capitalize (say)
Para 10, 1st sentence: Change quote (') before (My) to double quote (")
Para 10: Add comma after (American)
Para 11: 1st sentence: Add quote mark (") before (Say)
Para 11: Add comma after (American)
Para 12: I THINK (flash) should be (flask)?
Neat surprise ending.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2022
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I'm assuming this is not as historical an accounting as what it may at first appear to be.
Several suggestions:
Para 1, 3rd sentence Hyphenate (two week) = (two-week)
Para 3, 1st sentence: Add comma after (years)
Para 3, 3rd sentence: Add quote marks (") after (everywhere.)
Para 4, 1st sentence: Add quote marks (") before (He)
Para 3 & 4: Convention is that a quote is not carried from one paragraph to the next but must be concluded at the end of that paragraph.
Para 8: Need punctuation after (said) Probably a colon (:)
Para 9: Capitalize (say)
Para 10, 1st sentence: Change quote (') before (My) to double quote (")
Para 10: Add comma after (American)
Para 11: 1st sentence: Add quote mark (") before (Say)
Para 11: Add comma after (American)
Para 12: I THINK (flash) should be (flask)?
Neat surprise ending.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2022
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thanks for the concrete suggestions. I fixed it.
Comment from tempeste
Ciao poet, you now have two votes.
My all time favourite film unfolds in the moors of Scotland: Wuthering Heights!
Which has a ghost in it too. Poor Kathy, she roams the moors and in the fog calls her beloved Heathcliff.
He had been warned so Sam Adams should not have doubted ..I actually enjoyed the bloody ending
I think I mentioned that I don't like happy endings( biggrin)
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2022
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Ciao poet, you now have two votes.
My all time favourite film unfolds in the moors of Scotland: Wuthering Heights!
Which has a ghost in it too. Poor Kathy, she roams the moors and in the fog calls her beloved Heathcliff.
He had been warned so Sam Adams should not have doubted ..I actually enjoyed the bloody ending
I think I mentioned that I don't like happy endings( biggrin)
Comment Written 24-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2022
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thanks much for the comments.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Oops, supernatural horror story:) "o you believe in ghosts?'
Sam laughed and said,
"I don't,"
The old Laird smiled, and pulled out a machete,
"Do you believe now, my American friend?"" not quite for children, but I like it thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2022
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Oops, supernatural horror story:) "o you believe in ghosts?'
Sam laughed and said,
"I don't,"
The old Laird smiled, and pulled out a machete,
"Do you believe now, my American friend?"" not quite for children, but I like it thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2022
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thanks for that
Comment from Mary Vigasin
Very well done Jake. It truly met the contest requirements of an encounter with a ghost and it was suspenseful and with an unexpected ending. The cousin did not warn him that the ghost was deadly.
Good luck in the contest.
Best regards,
Mary
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2022
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Very well done Jake. It truly met the contest requirements of an encounter with a ghost and it was suspenseful and with an unexpected ending. The cousin did not warn him that the ghost was deadly.
Good luck in the contest.
Best regards,
Mary
Comment Written 23-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2022
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thanks glad you liked it
Comment from Theodore McDowell
Nice response for the contest. I am Scottish so this one was great to read. I love the Highlands and don't doubt there are ghosts roaming about in that area. We structured in terms of word length. Well-crafted. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2022
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Nice response for the contest. I am Scottish so this one was great to read. I love the Highlands and don't doubt there are ghosts roaming about in that area. We structured in terms of word length. Well-crafted. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2022
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thanks. I am part Scottish on both sides, my maternal great- grandmother was a Mc Clauson Doing a trek through the Scottish highlands is on my bucket list but I hope it won't end like poor Sam Adams....
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Your story is well written--with a pleasing degree of suspense, good dialogue, and a definite moral. Not sure I'd call it G-rated--with a character being decapitated.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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Your story is well written--with a pleasing degree of suspense, good dialogue, and a definite moral. Not sure I'd call it G-rated--with a character being decapitated.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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we'll let the judges decide that but I will go back and edit the last line. thanks