Familiar Faces.
An unexpected meeting with old friends.25 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Nancy,
This is a well told story of what seems to be the doorway to heaven. She saw the recent dead and was let our to live her remaining life. It sounds like a lonely one without her husband and children and Charlie.
I hope this did well in the prompt.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Have a great week and Happy Holidays.
Joan
P S If I didn't tell you before, I have just published a book titled "The Interloper and other stories in prose and poetry". It is available on Amazon.com. There is a link to it at the bottom of my profile page or you can just go to Amazon.com and search Joan Pechter The Interloper.
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Hi Nancy,
This is a well told story of what seems to be the doorway to heaven. She saw the recent dead and was let our to live her remaining life. It sounds like a lonely one without her husband and children and Charlie.
I hope this did well in the prompt.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Have a great week and Happy Holidays.
Joan
P S If I didn't tell you before, I have just published a book titled "The Interloper and other stories in prose and poetry". It is available on Amazon.com. There is a link to it at the bottom of my profile page or you can just go to Amazon.com and search Joan Pechter The Interloper.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2024
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Interesting little piece. I think it may be a little oblique for some readers, though.
His face lit with his leprechaun smile, broad and a bit snaggle toothed. that I know so well.- you have a period / full stop after toothed which shouldn't be there. Also, snaggle-toothed should probably be hyphenated.
Maybe have another look at your punctuation around dialogue to make sure it's consistent. Sometimes you punctuate inside the speech marks and other times not. It should be the same.
Following speech tags are lower case unless a proper noun or name (he is lower case, for example). ideally when using the following speech tag, the end punctuation for the dialogue should be a comma rather than an period/ full stop.
Will, my daughter's curly haired, flagrantly "out" friend picked up - ideally there'd be a comma following friend.
. "Rath de ort, he whispered on my ear as I walked through.- missing closing speech marks here.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2022
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Hi there,
Interesting little piece. I think it may be a little oblique for some readers, though.
His face lit with his leprechaun smile, broad and a bit snaggle toothed. that I know so well.- you have a period / full stop after toothed which shouldn't be there. Also, snaggle-toothed should probably be hyphenated.
Maybe have another look at your punctuation around dialogue to make sure it's consistent. Sometimes you punctuate inside the speech marks and other times not. It should be the same.
Following speech tags are lower case unless a proper noun or name (he is lower case, for example). ideally when using the following speech tag, the end punctuation for the dialogue should be a comma rather than an period/ full stop.
Will, my daughter's curly haired, flagrantly "out" friend picked up - ideally there'd be a comma following friend.
. "Rath de ort, he whispered on my ear as I walked through.- missing closing speech marks here.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 22-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2022
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Thank you for you time and care in reading--punctuation is often my downfall. I agree it is oblique. I wanted to see if I could get the same response to the situation that the narrator had--confusion. I suspect I may have gone too far!
I
Comment from sandra roth
you used some great words and caught my interest in the first line, but in line eleven, I became completely lost and so lost some interest in the story. I was not able to figure it out after that. Your choice of words was great and some very descriptive, and I saw a lot of potential, but was just lost. Sorry
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reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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you used some great words and caught my interest in the first line, but in line eleven, I became completely lost and so lost some interest in the story. I was not able to figure it out after that. Your choice of words was great and some very descriptive, and I saw a lot of potential, but was just lost. Sorry
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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I am sorry you were are lost. I was aiming for ambivilent. The narrator meets and old friend and follows him into a pub which it transpires is filled with old friends who are not as welcoing as they shouldbe. As the narrator leaves, they meet the "landlady" who in fact is, the Morrigan, the goddess of death and destiny who sends her on her way with two coins to be used to cover her eyes when her time comes to die. I had hoped the author's notes would make it clearer. Thank you for your comments. I appreciate your thoughts.
Comment from nomi338
Wait. So is the narrator a ghost? I think that I may be somewhat confused. I believe that the person narrating this story is ghost that does not realize that he is a ghost, and he visits an old familiar haunt and is actually seen by some friends who are still alive. He is ordered to go away from them as it is not fitting for them to be talking to or visiting with the dead. Am I even close to being right?
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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Wait. So is the narrator a ghost? I think that I may be somewhat confused. I believe that the person narrating this story is ghost that does not realize that he is a ghost, and he visits an old familiar haunt and is actually seen by some friends who are still alive. He is ordered to go away from them as it is not fitting for them to be talking to or visiting with the dead. Am I even close to being right?
Comment Written 21-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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Perhaps the narrator is a ghost, perhaps the others in the pub are. I hoped it would be ambiguous and eave the reader feeling the same confusion the narrator has. You may very well be exactly right.
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Thank you. That was the vibe I picked up on.
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:-)
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Interesting read and easy to follow.
A few suggestions:
Para 3, 1st sentence: Remove comma after (hair)
Para 3, 2nd sentence: Remove period (.) after (toothed)
Para 8, 1st sentence: Change (me",) to (me.")
Para 9, 1st sentence: Change (silly",) to (silly.")
Para 14, 1st sentence: Change (shouldn't",) to (shouldn't.")
Para 15, 1st sentence: Change (Charlier",) to (Charlie.")
Para 16, 1st sentence: Change (now",) to (now.")
Para 22, 1st sentence: Add quote mark after (ort,)
Para 23, 1st sentence Change (again",) to (again.")
Hopefully there is another installment planned for this mysterious tale. Who is "herself or Patrick?" What is Charlie's distress? Who is "child and husband?" Who is "the Morrigan?" And finally, why was the star of the tale not wanted in the pub and what was her name and relationship to others? Lots of questions. Enough for another tale, I am sure.
Enticing read.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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Interesting read and easy to follow.
A few suggestions:
Para 3, 1st sentence: Remove comma after (hair)
Para 3, 2nd sentence: Remove period (.) after (toothed)
Para 8, 1st sentence: Change (me",) to (me.")
Para 9, 1st sentence: Change (silly",) to (silly.")
Para 14, 1st sentence: Change (shouldn't",) to (shouldn't.")
Para 15, 1st sentence: Change (Charlier",) to (Charlie.")
Para 16, 1st sentence: Change (now",) to (now.")
Para 22, 1st sentence: Add quote mark after (ort,)
Para 23, 1st sentence Change (again",) to (again.")
Hopefully there is another installment planned for this mysterious tale. Who is "herself or Patrick?" What is Charlie's distress? Who is "child and husband?" Who is "the Morrigan?" And finally, why was the star of the tale not wanted in the pub and what was her name and relationship to others? Lots of questions. Enough for another tale, I am sure.
Enticing read.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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Thank you for taking the time to correct the punctuation That is always my weak spot. I had meant this a simple mystery with not explanation--but it certainly would lend itself to prequels as well as sequels. Thanks for reading
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, Familiar Faces, is a clever and scary tale, once I figured out what was going on. Looks like the unnamed narrator is not aware these folks have passed over.
Once I accepted the Irish flavor of the dialogue, it was easier to understand.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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This story, Familiar Faces, is a clever and scary tale, once I figured out what was going on. Looks like the unnamed narrator is not aware these folks have passed over.
Once I accepted the Irish flavor of the dialogue, it was easier to understand.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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You had the same feeling as the narrator. I am pleased tht the emotion as well as the description came across. Thank you or your time and your comments.
Comment from dellsworthpoet
An interesting cameo. The flow is good. The images are clear. The narrative stays on point. The dialogue is believable. This ends with a uncertainty that calls for further reading.
Thanks for a good read.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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An interesting cameo. The flow is good. The images are clear. The narrative stays on point. The dialogue is believable. This ends with a uncertainty that calls for further reading.
Thanks for a good read.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Thank you. I hoped that the ambiguity would be intriguing. I apprecaite you comments.
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You are welcome.
Comment from LJbutterfly
I read through this story and wondered what MY problem was. I didn't understand what had happened. But, thanks to your author notes, I was able to go back to realize your story is quite frightening. The robust female was the Morrigan handing the protagonist coins for his eyes. Haunting. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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I read through this story and wondered what MY problem was. I didn't understand what had happened. But, thanks to your author notes, I was able to go back to realize your story is quite frightening. The robust female was the Morrigan handing the protagonist coins for his eyes. Haunting. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Thank you. I am pleased that my story allowed you to feel the way my protagonist felt until understanding dawned.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the Supernatural Flash Fiction writing prompt contest.
I enjoyed reading your scary story. It's eerie and I like it. I knew the coins are for the dead. Your story in the voting booth is my favorite so far.
It moved along nicely and the plot was intriguing. Good character development.
Gypsy Blue Rose
The poet waits quietly to paint the unsaid. Atticus
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Excellent entry for the Supernatural Flash Fiction writing prompt contest.
I enjoyed reading your scary story. It's eerie and I like it. I knew the coins are for the dead. Your story in the voting booth is my favorite so far.
It moved along nicely and the plot was intriguing. Good character development.
Gypsy Blue Rose
The poet waits quietly to paint the unsaid. Atticus
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Thank you.
Comment from MissMerri
I really enjoyed this story, even though I was a bit bewildered most of the way through. I'm still not sure I came to the right conclusion by the end, but all the way through, I admired the writing. You are an excellent story-teller. I wish you much luck in this contest. MM
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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I really enjoyed this story, even though I was a bit bewildered most of the way through. I'm still not sure I came to the right conclusion by the end, but all the way through, I admired the writing. You are an excellent story-teller. I wish you much luck in this contest. MM
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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What conclusion did you come to at the end, I wonder. I was aiming for a bit of ambiguity. Thank you for you kind words and stars.
