The Rock of Mich-uk-isaw
A Tale From Fanny's Grand-Nephew33 total reviews
Comment from Loren .
Jay, first of all, I loved the way you handled the dialogue. It was expertly done and required the reader to pay attention and "spekulate" what was being said. Secondly, the story itself is rock solid, true to its characters and their culture. I think you "nailed" this one and am glad I was able to read it. All the best, Loren
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2022
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Jay, first of all, I loved the way you handled the dialogue. It was expertly done and required the reader to pay attention and "spekulate" what was being said. Secondly, the story itself is rock solid, true to its characters and their culture. I think you "nailed" this one and am glad I was able to read it. All the best, Loren
Comment Written 08-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2022
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Hey, Loren! It's good to have you back. You seem to open the curtain, step on the stage, then back off for a couple of months. If your fancy western gear and that huge smile are any indication, you're enjoying your time on or off FanStory. I'm glad my flash fiction resonated with you. It's always a challenge, but also a lot of fun to write. Thanks for rewarding it a six!
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Jay,
You've written an excellent entry for the 250 Word Flash Fiction contest. I had to read it with a keen eye the first time, and a keener eye the second time. But I think I got the gist of the story. Well, not all of it.
Sarah is a beautiful girl, the envy of all the Mich-úk-isaw High School girls. And as for the boys, they imagine her naked every night. But she's shy, too. Much too shy to realize her ability of arousing various men around the neighborhood, including the Baptist pastor. Pastor Tim is a bachelor, I think, with religious commitment. But he's still a male with desires that religion can't choke. So, Sarah starts to show her "bubble", and the pastor starts visiting Sarah's grandmother. Rumors begin to spread through the town like wildfire. What will this do to Tim Dowdy's reputation, not to mention Sarah's? I'd guess he's bound to be let go by the congregation. And the chances of him getting another preaching job in a Baptist Church are unlikely.
But why did the narrator toss that rock through the car window? Was Sarah in the Pastor's car, and were they making love? Was the narrator secretly in love with Sarah, too? And why would she be smiling back at the narrator in the middle of making whoopee with the minister?
Even though I don't totally understand what's going down, you've presented a great story with multiple connotations... not the least of which might be, "What will Granny Scranton say when she finds out her granddaughter is with child, and it's the Pastor's?"
Nice work, Jay! You've done it again. You could take this and run with it if you wanted to. It's a novel waiting to be acted out on the big screen. Girls get pregnant out of wedlock every day, but to a minister? Woah! And then toss in a jealous neighbor.
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2022
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Hi Jay,
You've written an excellent entry for the 250 Word Flash Fiction contest. I had to read it with a keen eye the first time, and a keener eye the second time. But I think I got the gist of the story. Well, not all of it.
Sarah is a beautiful girl, the envy of all the Mich-úk-isaw High School girls. And as for the boys, they imagine her naked every night. But she's shy, too. Much too shy to realize her ability of arousing various men around the neighborhood, including the Baptist pastor. Pastor Tim is a bachelor, I think, with religious commitment. But he's still a male with desires that religion can't choke. So, Sarah starts to show her "bubble", and the pastor starts visiting Sarah's grandmother. Rumors begin to spread through the town like wildfire. What will this do to Tim Dowdy's reputation, not to mention Sarah's? I'd guess he's bound to be let go by the congregation. And the chances of him getting another preaching job in a Baptist Church are unlikely.
But why did the narrator toss that rock through the car window? Was Sarah in the Pastor's car, and were they making love? Was the narrator secretly in love with Sarah, too? And why would she be smiling back at the narrator in the middle of making whoopee with the minister?
Even though I don't totally understand what's going down, you've presented a great story with multiple connotations... not the least of which might be, "What will Granny Scranton say when she finds out her granddaughter is with child, and it's the Pastor's?"
Nice work, Jay! You've done it again. You could take this and run with it if you wanted to. It's a novel waiting to be acted out on the big screen. Girls get pregnant out of wedlock every day, but to a minister? Woah! And then toss in a jealous neighbor.
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 24-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2022
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I've gotta tell you, Kimbob, I did not have any more idea than anyone else whose poisoned dart struck Sarah. Only a few thought of the Parson. I had only thought of him as being a narrow-minded zealot who was more interested in his church community's reputation. Though I didn't specify how far along Sarah was
inasmuch as the Parson only visited her grandmother after Sarah began to show, she would not likely have been showing when the boys harbored their animal thoughts about her, and the senior girls felt she was a competitor. You have to consider she might have been sent to live with her grandmother after her parents discovered she was pregnant. That was common in the 50s and 60s. I thought that the one thing that was crystal clear was the person behind the glazed window, what with the narrator twirling the homemade yarn ring around his finger. The story started at the end, with the boy admitting to breaking the window, and it ended with the boy looking for the best chucking stone.
Again, in this story, as with much of actual life, no one holds the key to what the truth of any situation is. It's amazing how we all muddle through life on mere hunches of what we think reality is. It's uncanny how some of us live to old age.
I always adore your takes on what is happening, Kimbob. It shows creative thought and your story ranks as just as much fun as the one that inspired you to comment. Thankyou for that ... and of course for the six stars!
Jay
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That was one of the things I didn't understand... the yarn twirling around his finger. So, are you going to let this become a novel? Or put it on the backburner?
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Not even the back burner. I was just playing around with the 250-word limit.
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Aw, heck!
Comment from royowen
I love the fact that you're not confined to style Jay, you tackle the difficult parochial language of territorially generated dialect, and you're always seeking out ways of generating a style which is unique, but then, I've been reading your great writing for eons it seems, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2022
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I love the fact that you're not confined to style Jay, you tackle the difficult parochial language of territorially generated dialect, and you're always seeking out ways of generating a style which is unique, but then, I've been reading your great writing for eons it seems, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 22-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2022
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And you are too kind, Roy. But you've got me glowing. Thank you.
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My pleasure
Comment from LJbutterfly
I'm not going to pretend I got it. The first time I read it was to get through the dialect. The second time was to understand what happened in the story. Did Pastor Timothy impregnate Sarah? In the final sentence, who was crazy-grinning?
Left behind.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2022
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I'm not going to pretend I got it. The first time I read it was to get through the dialect. The second time was to understand what happened in the story. Did Pastor Timothy impregnate Sarah? In the final sentence, who was crazy-grinning?
Left behind.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2022
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Well, Lorraine, the narrator is the only one who is the "I" in the story, so it had to be him (unnamed) who was crazy-grinning. As to the father of Sarah's baby-to-be, I don't even know. I've left that wide open. LOL, so the Pastor was as good a possibility as any.
Comment from sandra roth
well, that language caught my interest and I liked it. It gave the piece a personality. written in a cool dialogue. Even with the unusual dialect I completely was able to follow. (I don't know if it was southern or country) but, it was well written, but I didn't quite catch on to what it was talking about. I think it was because I so enjoyed the way it was written. I'm going to read it again and figure it out. I did have an idea of the plot but need to read it again anyway. I don't know if I could read a hundred-page book in that cool dialect, but for a short story, it worked.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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well, that language caught my interest and I liked it. It gave the piece a personality. written in a cool dialogue. Even with the unusual dialect I completely was able to follow. (I don't know if it was southern or country) but, it was well written, but I didn't quite catch on to what it was talking about. I think it was because I so enjoyed the way it was written. I'm going to read it again and figure it out. I did have an idea of the plot but need to read it again anyway. I don't know if I could read a hundred-page book in that cool dialect, but for a short story, it worked.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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I couldn't write a hundred-page book in that dialect, Sandra, LOL. But I'm glad it worked for you as a flash-fiction piece. Thanks for reading and for commenting.
Comment from Fleedleflump
Are you stuck in a dialect writing style, my friend? lol. It's like when a long-running TV show has a spin-off, and I approve! This is a very engaging tale, starting out with the result then winding its way up to show us what happened leading up to it. I very much enjoyed.
Mike
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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Are you stuck in a dialect writing style, my friend? lol. It's like when a long-running TV show has a spin-off, and I approve! This is a very engaging tale, starting out with the result then winding its way up to show us what happened leading up to it. I very much enjoyed.
Mike
Comment Written 21-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Mike. No, no, no! Once I finish Fanny's play, I'm going back to being stuffy ol' me. This seemed to fit the time, the place, and the mood I wanted to create. I'm just thrilled you read it and left a comment.
Jay
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Great story with a clear hidden message, if one can find it. I did. A little tough to review due to the language but it wouldn't be the same without it so don't change a thing.
"nighttime imaginin's" Yes. I think I know what you mean but what a neutral, milk toast way to say, it I like it.
Very good story well told.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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Great story with a clear hidden message, if one can find it. I did. A little tough to review due to the language but it wouldn't be the same without it so don't change a thing.
"nighttime imaginin's" Yes. I think I know what you mean but what a neutral, milk toast way to say, it I like it.
Very good story well told.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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Gary, this is the most uplifting review I've received from this story whose reviewer response ran the gamut from, "Well, it's okay, but..." to "I don't know what you're saying, except that the parson must've impregnated Sarah ...." (Of course, I've paraphrased, both.) I'm glad someone has seen it not as a moral tract, but as an attempt to describe a small fragment of the world from the eyes of an innocent Mississippi lad. Thank you very much, Sir.
Comment from dmt1967
This story made me smile. I like the way you wrote in dialect as well. I need to learn that for my book as it is set in America/ Australia/ England.
Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing. Have a great weekend.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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This story made me smile. I like the way you wrote in dialect as well. I need to learn that for my book as it is set in America/ Australia/ England.
Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing. Have a great weekend.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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I like smiles. I don't know how authentic the dialect is for a boy from Mississippi. One woman who lived there as a child said she didn't recognize it. The story needed it, though, and the best I could do was to remember my Missouri Grandma's tones and mannerisms. Thank you for weighing in.
Comment from dellsworthpoet
An interesting story. The dialect does make for some slight difficulty in reading, but adds to the general feel of very rural. The flow is good. The images are clear. The narrative stays on point.
Thanks for a good read.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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An interesting story. The dialect does make for some slight difficulty in reading, but adds to the general feel of very rural. The flow is good. The images are clear. The narrative stays on point.
Thanks for a good read.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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I'm so happy you enjoyed it, Dellsworth ... the poet. It was fun but difficult to bring it to exactly 250 words with any kind of unity at all.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Raul1
I have enjoyed reading your story. It is interesting and entertaining to read. Well written. I like your story. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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I have enjoyed reading your story. It is interesting and entertaining to read. Well written. I like your story. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Many thanks to you, Raul. I haven't seen you around here for a while. Have you been on hiatus?
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You're welcome! Yes, just for a few days. I am back.
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Well ... good seeing you again. Your smile was missed.