A Real Little Boy
The plane truth17 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Gareth,
What fun. It's so cool to see what a clever and creative writer can do with a well-known story. My girls and I have been on 'Cinderella' kick lately. Do you have any idea how many movies there are that riff off that one? My stars! Insane!
But, like this, occasionally, someone with skill can really grab you and take you on a very cool journey. Even when you think you know all the characters and all the various pathways. I love it!
This was so intriguing. Great fun. Poor guy.
I have a note for you to look at:
--> a patchwork of crudely stitched skin draped over (something needed here?) section of that monstrosity.
Thanks so much!
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Gareth,
What fun. It's so cool to see what a clever and creative writer can do with a well-known story. My girls and I have been on 'Cinderella' kick lately. Do you have any idea how many movies there are that riff off that one? My stars! Insane!
But, like this, occasionally, someone with skill can really grab you and take you on a very cool journey. Even when you think you know all the characters and all the various pathways. I love it!
This was so intriguing. Great fun. Poor guy.
I have a note for you to look at:
--> a patchwork of crudely stitched skin draped over (something needed here?) section of that monstrosity.
Thanks so much!
Comment Written 18-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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I've done stuff with Cinderella myself. i always thought it amusing that not one other woman in the entire kingdom had the same size feet.... amazing! lol
many thanks as always, robyn. G
Comment from Judy Lawless
You kept me in suspense for a bit, G, before I made the connection to Geppetto. Even when he address "my boy" I thought he was just talking to himself. Then the story became very dark and ended with an unexpected twist. Well done, as usual.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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You kept me in suspense for a bit, G, before I made the connection to Geppetto. Even when he address "my boy" I thought he was just talking to himself. Then the story became very dark and ended with an unexpected twist. Well done, as usual.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Many thanks Judy. I love taking old tales and trying to wrangle something new from them. G
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You're most welcome, G
Comment from Ric Myworld
It takes a weird bird to change a children's story into this. But if I tell the truth, I like this one better than the original. LOL. As the saying goes, "birds of a feather . . .." Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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It takes a weird bird to change a children's story into this. But if I tell the truth, I like this one better than the original. LOL. As the saying goes, "birds of a feather . . .." Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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A lot of the original fairy tales are pretty gruesome. I support a return to form! Many thanks Ric. G
Comment from Wendy G
Wow, that was different and dark, a variation on a classic story. Great imagination, interesting twist at the end. And well-written - it maintained the interest to the end!!
Wendy
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Wow, that was different and dark, a variation on a classic story. Great imagination, interesting twist at the end. And well-written - it maintained the interest to the end!!
Wendy
Comment Written 14-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Much appreciated as always Wendy. G
Comment from dmt1967
This is a great take on a classic and I loved it. The end sent shivers down my back. The one thing I would say is use a bigger font. Thank you for sharing and have a great week.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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This is a great take on a classic and I loved it. The end sent shivers down my back. The one thing I would say is use a bigger font. Thank you for sharing and have a great week.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Many thanks for the great response once again. G
Comment from LovnPeace
He knew it had to be a case of mistaken identity. There was no way he'd killed anyone; he'd not (the) left the house in-small glitch.
I knew right off it was Pinocchio, but you managed to surprise. Making him a killer in order to be finished and real. Gruesome :). Blessings, Barbara
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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He knew it had to be a case of mistaken identity. There was no way he'd killed anyone; he'd not (the) left the house in-small glitch.
I knew right off it was Pinocchio, but you managed to surprise. Making him a killer in order to be finished and real. Gruesome :). Blessings, Barbara
Comment Written 13-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Many thanks as always. G
Comment from DeboraDyess
Well, that was certainly a creepier side of PInnochio! Wow... Well done! I enjoyed the read.
A couple of things...
~ a little pat, before >> no comma needed
~ coffee cup splattered into myriad pieces, on the stone slabbed path, as it fell >> these aren't needed, either. Commas! What a pain they are!
~ in several place. >> places
~~ he'd not the left the house >> he'd not left the house
~ Geppetto stumbled from his sleep a fraction at a time >> What a fine line! Love it.
~ sat up and rubbed and his eyes with >> sat up and rubbed his eyes with
Blessings,
Deb
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Well, that was certainly a creepier side of PInnochio! Wow... Well done! I enjoyed the read.
A couple of things...
~ a little pat, before >> no comma needed
~ coffee cup splattered into myriad pieces, on the stone slabbed path, as it fell >> these aren't needed, either. Commas! What a pain they are!
~ in several place. >> places
~~ he'd not the left the house >> he'd not left the house
~ Geppetto stumbled from his sleep a fraction at a time >> What a fine line! Love it.
~ sat up and rubbed and his eyes with >> sat up and rubbed his eyes with
Blessings,
Deb
Comment Written 13-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Many thanks as always. G
Comment from Jay Squires
Ha! The Plane Truth! You are showing again your consummate skills as a storyteller. Most newbies would have tried to avoid Gepetto's name like the plague. But you weren't trying to conceal the fabled story. You used it like a craftsman. Beautiful job. You had my hair standing on end a couple of places.
I had only one place I questioned and also pointed out a place where a word was left out:
His coffee cup splattered into myriad pieces, [The cup wouldn't splatter, only the contents would. I wonder if you meant "scattered" or "shattered"? And then, not "AS it fell", but as a result of having fallen.]
he'd not the left the house in at least two weeks. [Some word was left out]
Superb ... but then why not!
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Ha! The Plane Truth! You are showing again your consummate skills as a storyteller. Most newbies would have tried to avoid Gepetto's name like the plague. But you weren't trying to conceal the fabled story. You used it like a craftsman. Beautiful job. You had my hair standing on end a couple of places.
I had only one place I questioned and also pointed out a place where a word was left out:
His coffee cup splattered into myriad pieces, [The cup wouldn't splatter, only the contents would. I wonder if you meant "scattered" or "shattered"? And then, not "AS it fell", but as a result of having fallen.]
he'd not the left the house in at least two weeks. [Some word was left out]
Superb ... but then why not!
Comment Written 13-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Not sure what was going on with that cup! lol many thanks, Jay. G
Comment from royowen
I love the story of Pinocchio and particularly that of Geppetto, his dad and maker, I can't remember if there was ever a pre story about the loss of his wife and real life little little boy, who had likewise died. But I found this story really interesting, beautifully written G, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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I love the story of Pinocchio and particularly that of Geppetto, his dad and maker, I can't remember if there was ever a pre story about the loss of his wife and real life little little boy, who had likewise died. But I found this story really interesting, beautifully written G, blessings Roy
Comment Written 13-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Many thanks as always, roy. G
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is very good writing and an eerie story. You did a great job telling it.
The door to his workshop lay askew, hanging by a solitary hinge. The padlock still in place. Geppetto fumbled for the key and (If the door was hanging loose why did he need to unlock the padlock???)
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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This is very good writing and an eerie story. You did a great job telling it.
The door to his workshop lay askew, hanging by a solitary hinge. The padlock still in place. Geppetto fumbled for the key and (If the door was hanging loose why did he need to unlock the padlock???)
Comment Written 13-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Many thanks barbara. G
