The Tor
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "Cacophony Erupts"Adventures around & upon a hill
10 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
Wow, this is an intense chapter, Liz. It started out so peacefully with James having placed Samuel near the fire to warm up. But then, all the commotion from the "higher-ups" yelling and threatening Abraham, turns it into a frightening situation. It's hard to believe these men consider themselves to be Christian. Well done. Sorry I'm late getting to it and have no sixes left.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2022
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Wow, this is an intense chapter, Liz. It started out so peacefully with James having placed Samuel near the fire to warm up. But then, all the commotion from the "higher-ups" yelling and threatening Abraham, turns it into a frightening situation. It's hard to believe these men consider themselves to be Christian. Well done. Sorry I'm late getting to it and have no sixes left.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2022
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Thank you for your lovely review. The fact you're here is enough. I'm glad it had the effect intended. The history I've read is appalling. I guess sometimes such incidences actually go physical. I didn't want to have dear Abraham harmed.
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You're most welcome, Liz. We learn more every day about how unchristian many higher-ups in control have been over the years. It's heartbreaking. We're leaving on a trip next Wednesday, so I might not get much reviewing done; definitely no posting, since I'm taking only a tablet.
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Enjoy your trip...be refreshed and be safe. Thank you for telling me.
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Thanks, Liz. I hope to get some posts made on my blog site, about our travels. If you're interested you will find them at judylawless.com If you sign up with your email address, you will get notifications when I post. :) There will be more pictures than text.
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I've copied the web site down
Thank you
Comment from Ricky1024
This chapter was well written Liz.
Rich on Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
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Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional, while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Doctor Ricky 1024
"Still Preaching to the Choir here at Fanstory"
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2022
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This chapter was well written Liz.
Rich on Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional, while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Doctor Ricky 1024
"Still Preaching to the Choir here at Fanstory"
Comment Written 16-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2022
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Thank you for your very notable review. It's similar to my reviews. Thank you, you do my heart, good.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Love your chapter and this sentence caught my attention": "y heart is a kaleidoscope of emotions. The shapes reflected are all sharp, stabbing, cutting to the quick, maiming to the marrow."
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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Love your chapter and this sentence caught my attention": "y heart is a kaleidoscope of emotions. The shapes reflected are all sharp, stabbing, cutting to the quick, maiming to the marrow."
Comment Written 14-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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Thank you for your delightful review.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Samuel needs to know who is in trouble
A chapter in the book The Tor
Cacophony Erupts
Liz O'Neill, I found that you have a style of writing that draws the reader
to continue on reading to see what century you are referring to. I do notice in this part ---
Abraham who is Karin who becomes a psychiatrist in the 21st century. In the 15th century, he snuck around helping counsel the troubled brothers.
Gert
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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Samuel needs to know who is in trouble
A chapter in the book The Tor
Cacophony Erupts
Liz O'Neill, I found that you have a style of writing that draws the reader
to continue on reading to see what century you are referring to. I do notice in this part ---
Abraham who is Karin who becomes a psychiatrist in the 21st century. In the 15th century, he snuck around helping counsel the troubled brothers.
Gert
Comment Written 13-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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Thank you for your complimentary review. It does the soul good.
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Liz
You are most welcome
Gert
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Liz you are most welcome
Gert
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Once again, thank you for such an encouraging review.
Comment from jessizero
I enjoyed this installment as much as the others. Through the weeks reading these, I find myself eagerly anticipating the next piece. I have not been disappointed. Thanks for continuing to share. Best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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I enjoyed this installment as much as the others. Through the weeks reading these, I find myself eagerly anticipating the next piece. I have not been disappointed. Thanks for continuing to share. Best wishes to you.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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This is a very, very encouraging review. I am so glad you are enjoying it.
Comment from aryr
Another fantastic continuation chapter, Liz. This was very well done, I feel for Brother Samuel. Brother Abraham is an amazing brother who cares, he is gentle and very kind. Oh, my not another brother? And what's will the robes and hats of different colors. I really enjoyed this one.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Another fantastic continuation chapter, Liz. This was very well done, I feel for Brother Samuel. Brother Abraham is an amazing brother who cares, he is gentle and very kind. Oh, my not another brother? And what's will the robes and hats of different colors. I really enjoyed this one.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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This is a very, very encouraging review. I am so glad you are enjoying it.
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You are so welcome, Liz.
Comment from Beck Fenton
Great foreshadowing! I'm beginning to settle into your style of writing. I do miss dialogue still, but the story is fascinating still. The inquisition was a terrible thing in history.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Great foreshadowing! I'm beginning to settle into your style of writing. I do miss dialogue still, but the story is fascinating still. The inquisition was a terrible thing in history.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Thank you for your involved review. I'm glad you are settling in. If you read the first part, there's all dialogue. It will return after a few more climatic chapters. I invite others to feel free to read some previous chapters without the burden of writing a review. Just read it & enjoy. To begin when Madeline was vortexed into the 15th century in chapter 16.
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The previous chapters are about a real trip to England but tweaked to go 'Twilight Zone ish' The first 18 chapters are about the power spots we visited, along with a crop circle. All with discussion about the Michael & Mary ley lines. This was building up to an idea of a sense we'd gotten, that we'd been there before. There were some pretty horrible things that happened. So I decided to write about them. You are welcome to scan through my portfolio to read any chapters leading up to this chapter. You could begin on chapter 16 to get into it. N
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I will!
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Cool...remember, no review necessary. Some of my chapters have 50+ views
Comment from Jay Squires
I'm afraid I got a little lost reading this. I know you are juggling centuries, and that's cool. My problem is whether there is enough information to help the reader with the transitions.
The notes I made below, largely reflect that confusion. So let me know if I'm out of line. As much as is possible, I would suggest incorporating the notes at the bottom in the ongoing action. For example the story about Zachary could be easily be taken further by explaining the "Zachary situation" in the storyline, not below.
It placid mood is disrupted by some disturbing incident. [Either "It's placid mood ..." or "his placid mood " (If you're talking about Samuel)]
As I am want to do, "["As I am WONT to do" ... a common mistake: wont means "accustomed"]
When it was suggested she might stay longer, her mother said, 'No, I feel completely comfortable at home and I want my own bed.'" [Liz, this is rather awkward going from the present tense, then suddenly the past. I feel the best would be to leave it all in the past tense. Otherwise, consider, "When they suggest she might stay longer, her mother says, "No, I feel ..." etc." I just don't see why you went into the present tense with that part anyway.]
with great cacaphony erupting, [with great CACOPHONY]
Each angry word slices across the undulating walls of the cold, unfeeling stones. [Beautifully put!]
As the scolding voices endure, I worry Abraham won't. [Ha! Adroitly put!]
I used to repeatedly play the soundtrack for the Man of LaMancha on my cassette player. [I know what you're doing, but is there anyway to indicate the context within a century. There is no transition between Samuel in the 15th century and Man of La Mancha of the 20th century.]
I hope you can find something of use in my notes. You are such an inventive and intuitive writer, Liz. I tend to be myself. I've learned over the years I've been writing though, that the reader doesn't know what's going on in my mind. Sometimes I find myself saying, "Oh my God! I assumed the reader would know that ... but why?" I find it's hard walking that line between being evocative (showing, not telling), and at least giving the reader a fighting chance at knowing what's going on. I don't want to be like the poet, Robert Browning who said, "At one time only God and I knew what I was writing ... Now, God only knows!"
You've got a gift Liz. And you have a ton of support with your characters!
Jay
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2022
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I'm afraid I got a little lost reading this. I know you are juggling centuries, and that's cool. My problem is whether there is enough information to help the reader with the transitions.
The notes I made below, largely reflect that confusion. So let me know if I'm out of line. As much as is possible, I would suggest incorporating the notes at the bottom in the ongoing action. For example the story about Zachary could be easily be taken further by explaining the "Zachary situation" in the storyline, not below.
It placid mood is disrupted by some disturbing incident. [Either "It's placid mood ..." or "his placid mood " (If you're talking about Samuel)]
As I am want to do, "["As I am WONT to do" ... a common mistake: wont means "accustomed"]
When it was suggested she might stay longer, her mother said, 'No, I feel completely comfortable at home and I want my own bed.'" [Liz, this is rather awkward going from the present tense, then suddenly the past. I feel the best would be to leave it all in the past tense. Otherwise, consider, "When they suggest she might stay longer, her mother says, "No, I feel ..." etc." I just don't see why you went into the present tense with that part anyway.]
with great cacaphony erupting, [with great CACOPHONY]
Each angry word slices across the undulating walls of the cold, unfeeling stones. [Beautifully put!]
As the scolding voices endure, I worry Abraham won't. [Ha! Adroitly put!]
I used to repeatedly play the soundtrack for the Man of LaMancha on my cassette player. [I know what you're doing, but is there anyway to indicate the context within a century. There is no transition between Samuel in the 15th century and Man of La Mancha of the 20th century.]
I hope you can find something of use in my notes. You are such an inventive and intuitive writer, Liz. I tend to be myself. I've learned over the years I've been writing though, that the reader doesn't know what's going on in my mind. Sometimes I find myself saying, "Oh my God! I assumed the reader would know that ... but why?" I find it's hard walking that line between being evocative (showing, not telling), and at least giving the reader a fighting chance at knowing what's going on. I don't want to be like the poet, Robert Browning who said, "At one time only God and I knew what I was writing ... Now, God only knows!"
You've got a gift Liz. And you have a ton of support with your characters!
Jay
Comment Written 12-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2022
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Jay, thank you for you supportive review. I am glad to know how it is coming across. I will take all of your observations into consideration. I will copy & paste them & will get to them tomorrow. You are highly complimentary & even a bit complementary.
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The i or the e ... I'll accept either with your good graces.
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LOL...hugs
Comment from lyenochka
I think you've added a lot of artistic writing touches to this chapter and that makes it a delight to read. I'm worried that Madeline would never get back to the 21st century as things seem to be getting worse not better.
I really liked " I quickly snuff that burning thought out," as it took place right next to the fire. And I also liked " I can see a beautiful soul shining through" because seeing souls is really how we should see! Another sentence I liked was "Each angry word slices across the undulating walls of the cold, unfeeling stones. "
Suggestions:
It placid mood is disrupted by some disturbing incident. (Its)
Samuel is recouping from being out (recuperating) recoup is to recover losses
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2022
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I think you've added a lot of artistic writing touches to this chapter and that makes it a delight to read. I'm worried that Madeline would never get back to the 21st century as things seem to be getting worse not better.
I really liked " I quickly snuff that burning thought out," as it took place right next to the fire. And I also liked " I can see a beautiful soul shining through" because seeing souls is really how we should see! Another sentence I liked was "Each angry word slices across the undulating walls of the cold, unfeeling stones. "
Suggestions:
It placid mood is disrupted by some disturbing incident. (Its)
Samuel is recouping from being out (recuperating) recoup is to recover losses
Comment Written 12-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2022
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Wonderful review. Thank you. I so glad to know my efforts paid off.
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💖
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Smile
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is an interesting chapter in Madeline/Samuel's life. You ended in a good place as I want to know what the cardinal is all about. You do have a few problems you might want to clear up. In the line: As I am want to do . . . Do you mean "wont"? The 19th century goes from 1801 to 1900 so I don't think her friend was born that long ago. "Grand Inquest is being reenacted . . ." Do you mean inquisition? Looking forward to the mystery of the cardinal.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2022
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This is an interesting chapter in Madeline/Samuel's life. You ended in a good place as I want to know what the cardinal is all about. You do have a few problems you might want to clear up. In the line: As I am want to do . . . Do you mean "wont"? The 19th century goes from 1801 to 1900 so I don't think her friend was born that long ago. "Grand Inquest is being reenacted . . ." Do you mean inquisition? Looking forward to the mystery of the cardinal.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2022
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Thank you for your review.
