The Valkyrie
trying for me13 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
What a clever way to write a rant. Telling a story and having Fakie (great name) to try teaching the main character the womanly wiles to attract a man which aren't natural to Stonie. The visual is good once one reads the story. If I offered any suggestion, I would not name the main character Stonie. It fits the stereotype that women who are independent and real are cold B's. I think "Realie" would be a great play on being a real person.
There were two spots I think have typos. When am I trying nothing happens? I think you need to reverse the am and I positions. In this sentence ~See, that it's how you get their attention. I think you meant to type~ See, that is how.......
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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What a clever way to write a rant. Telling a story and having Fakie (great name) to try teaching the main character the womanly wiles to attract a man which aren't natural to Stonie. The visual is good once one reads the story. If I offered any suggestion, I would not name the main character Stonie. It fits the stereotype that women who are independent and real are cold B's. I think "Realie" would be a great play on being a real person.
There were two spots I think have typos. When am I trying nothing happens? I think you need to reverse the am and I positions. In this sentence ~See, that it's how you get their attention. I think you meant to type~ See, that is how.......
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Hi Sandra, thank you so much for your kind review and the grammar suggestions. I have reviewed as per your advice:)
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You are welcome.
Comment from dellsworthpoet
An interesting story. The flow is good. The language seems to fit the tale. The images are clear. The piece stays on point.
Thanks for a good read.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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An interesting story. The flow is good. The language seems to fit the tale. The images are clear. The piece stays on point.
Thanks for a good read.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much for your kind review.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Jay Squires
Hey, this is some good stuff. Kinda gender busting. I kept going from male to female then back to male with the narrator. But the lines are strong, there is light and humorous rhythm to the sentences. That keeps the reader pressed to the Fakie and the Stonie (I guess) to the end.
Huh? I think I don't your tricks, [And I think you left out a word.]
This should tear 'em up in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Hey, this is some good stuff. Kinda gender busting. I kept going from male to female then back to male with the narrator. But the lines are strong, there is light and humorous rhythm to the sentences. That keeps the reader pressed to the Fakie and the Stonie (I guess) to the end.
Huh? I think I don't your tricks, [And I think you left out a word.]
This should tear 'em up in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Hi Jay, you are right I lost one word in transition:) Than you for your kind review and for point the missing word.
