The Valkyrie
trying for me13 total reviews
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Sometimes, they just won't look.
A few suggestions:
Para 1, 1st sentence: Are you sure (demoiselle), a small, graceful Old-World crane with a black head and breast and white ear tufts, is the word you want, or should it be (damsel), a young unmarried woman?
Para 1, 1st sentence: SHOULD There be quotes before (I) and after (distress)? If so, then you should remove the quote mark before (Damn) and after (help!)
Para 1, 12th sentence: Since (prince) appears within a quote it should have single quote marks (')
Para 1, 12th sentence: Remove one extra space between (When) and (I)
Para 1, 14th sentence: SUGGEST End the sentence after (stuff) with a period and make a new sentence begin with (I)
Para 1, 15th sentence: I THINK (touched) should be (touch)?
Para 2, 1st sentence: Is the first part of this sentence, the part before the (:), a quote or an introduction to a character?
Para 2, 1st sentence: Remove extra space between (") and (See)
Para 4, 3rd sentence: SUGGGEST changing (a) to (one)?
Para 4, 5th sentence (could've) should be (could)
Para 7, 4th sentence: (it's) should be (is)
Para 9, 1st sentence: Need quote mark before (What?)
Para 9, 4th sentence: Need a pronoun (I or they) before (will)
Para 9, 4th sentence: Remove extra space between (mine.) and (")
Fun story but difficult to read fluently.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
   |
Sometimes, they just won't look.
A few suggestions:
Para 1, 1st sentence: Are you sure (demoiselle), a small, graceful Old-World crane with a black head and breast and white ear tufts, is the word you want, or should it be (damsel), a young unmarried woman?
Para 1, 1st sentence: SHOULD There be quotes before (I) and after (distress)? If so, then you should remove the quote mark before (Damn) and after (help!)
Para 1, 12th sentence: Since (prince) appears within a quote it should have single quote marks (')
Para 1, 12th sentence: Remove one extra space between (When) and (I)
Para 1, 14th sentence: SUGGEST End the sentence after (stuff) with a period and make a new sentence begin with (I)
Para 1, 15th sentence: I THINK (touched) should be (touch)?
Para 2, 1st sentence: Is the first part of this sentence, the part before the (:), a quote or an introduction to a character?
Para 2, 1st sentence: Remove extra space between (") and (See)
Para 4, 3rd sentence: SUGGGEST changing (a) to (one)?
Para 4, 5th sentence (could've) should be (could)
Para 7, 4th sentence: (it's) should be (is)
Para 9, 1st sentence: Need quote mark before (What?)
Para 9, 4th sentence: Need a pronoun (I or they) before (will)
Para 9, 4th sentence: Remove extra space between (mine.) and (")
Fun story but difficult to read fluently.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
-
Thank you so much for the corrections and sorry for my delay:)
Comment from Marienkiefer
A very clever ranting and raving. I like that the story starts in scene and gives the feel of a dress rehearsal. A lot of good fun, and some good puns. Believable dialogue and nice formatting of dialogue, using descriptive and action instead of tags. If it's not too late, have a look at the contraction What it's wrong with me.
Good luck on the contest, A very solid entry.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
|
A very clever ranting and raving. I like that the story starts in scene and gives the feel of a dress rehearsal. A lot of good fun, and some good puns. Believable dialogue and nice formatting of dialogue, using descriptive and action instead of tags. If it's not too late, have a look at the contraction What it's wrong with me.
Good luck on the contest, A very solid entry.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
-
Thank you so much for the encouraging review.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the Write A Rant contest.
Good rant story about women's independence and self love. It flows well with descriptive words that paint a clear mental
picture.
Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy Blue Rose
"The poet waits quietly to paint the unsaid". -- Atticus
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
|
Excellent entry for the Write A Rant contest.
Good rant story about women's independence and self love. It flows well with descriptive words that paint a clear mental
picture.
Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy Blue Rose
"The poet waits quietly to paint the unsaid". -- Atticus
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
-
Thank you so much my friend:)
Comment from Terry Broxson
This is a very creative rant for this contest, good luck, and thank you for entering. I like the way you did the rant with a stone Valkyrie ranting against a fake Demoiselle, and with Demoiselle trying to educate her. Well-done. Terry.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
|
This is a very creative rant for this contest, good luck, and thank you for entering. I like the way you did the rant with a stone Valkyrie ranting against a fake Demoiselle, and with Demoiselle trying to educate her. Well-done. Terry.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
-
Thank you so much, Terry:)
Comment from royowen
I don't think we ate terribly different from one another, the need to be ."loved" is pretty strong in all of us, whether we are true Valkyrie or not, I loved your great tale, of this amazing woman. Even amazing women are human, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2022
|
I don't think we ate terribly different from one another, the need to be ."loved" is pretty strong in all of us, whether we are true Valkyrie or not, I loved your great tale, of this amazing woman. Even amazing women are human, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 25-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2022
-
Thank you so much Mr. Roy:) when I wrote this I had one of those days:)
Comment from Janet Foor
Well that was quite a rant and I'm so glad you feel better. The damsel in distress play would never work for me either. But you're right, it does work for some.
Good luck.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
|
Well that was quite a rant and I'm so glad you feel better. The damsel in distress play would never work for me either. But you're right, it does work for some.
Good luck.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
-
I know:) how can we beat that:)
Comment from jessizero
I enjoyed the way this "rant" played out. I am glad your character decided not to settle. Thank you for sharing this story/rant here, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
|
I enjoyed the way this "rant" played out. I am glad your character decided not to settle. Thank you for sharing this story/rant here, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
-
Thank you so much for stopping by and writing this beautiful review:)
Comment from Amy Flugel
I am not really sure what is going on here. You wrote this for a rant contest, yet there really isn't much ranting.
Don't be so quick to write and post things. Let them sit, edit them, and expand upon them. A few days and a little extra time can really improve a story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
|
I am not really sure what is going on here. You wrote this for a rant contest, yet there really isn't much ranting.
Don't be so quick to write and post things. Let them sit, edit them, and expand upon them. A few days and a little extra time can really improve a story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
-
Hi Amy thank you for your kind opinion and harsh review:) have a lovely day
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, The Valkyrie, is a funny conversation between the type who gets all the attention and the one who gets none. Like the man said, "Imitation is ignorance...accept yourself for who you are."
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2022
|
This story, The Valkyrie, is a funny conversation between the type who gets all the attention and the one who gets none. Like the man said, "Imitation is ignorance...accept yourself for who you are."
Comment Written 12-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2022
-
Thank you so much for your kind review
Comment from Lloyd T. Okoko
The objective correlative of your work reminisces feigning "the demoiselle in distress" antic as a sine qua non for attracting patronage amongst street workers.
The work highlights a comparison made between it and its dialectical negation and how the latter got won over to the former perspective.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of anecdotes synonymous with the adage: "if you can't beat them; join them."
Excellent work. Bravo.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
|
The objective correlative of your work reminisces feigning "the demoiselle in distress" antic as a sine qua non for attracting patronage amongst street workers.
The work highlights a comparison made between it and its dialectical negation and how the latter got won over to the former perspective.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of anecdotes synonymous with the adage: "if you can't beat them; join them."
Excellent work. Bravo.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
-
Thank you so much Lloyd:) I really appreciate your kind review.
-
Remain Blessed.
