The Return
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "The Return Chapter 23"Erotic Turmoil
34 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Sandra,
Good stuff once again. Pacing and action is good, again the transitions are handled well.
Joshua and Sarah ushered Miles and Margot into their home, and had their butler take Margot's and Miles' outdoor clothing. - I would suggest using 'the couple's outdoor clothing' to prevent the repetition of their names in close succession.
nd there stood a drunk, enraged, very loud, Lord Brandon! - maybe look to reduce the number of descriptors here. drunken and belligerent would work. It's best to not overuse descriptions.
He clenched his fists and thrust them in his pocket. - minor here but he'd been holding his father's arm just before.
The more Lord Brandon struggled and ranted; the more aggressive Miles became. When he finally managed to get his father outside, - yep, watch the scene mechanics in regard to Miles' hands.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2022
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Hi Sandra,
Good stuff once again. Pacing and action is good, again the transitions are handled well.
Joshua and Sarah ushered Miles and Margot into their home, and had their butler take Margot's and Miles' outdoor clothing. - I would suggest using 'the couple's outdoor clothing' to prevent the repetition of their names in close succession.
nd there stood a drunk, enraged, very loud, Lord Brandon! - maybe look to reduce the number of descriptors here. drunken and belligerent would work. It's best to not overuse descriptions.
He clenched his fists and thrust them in his pocket. - minor here but he'd been holding his father's arm just before.
The more Lord Brandon struggled and ranted; the more aggressive Miles became. When he finally managed to get his father outside, - yep, watch the scene mechanics in regard to Miles' hands.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2022
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When I read the sentence with Joshua, and the outdoor clothes, I thought, DUH! I must have loads of senior moments! I've taken the clenched fists out completely. It wasn't necessary, as his words were strong enough to carry the sentence. Again, your suggestions are brilliant, Gareth, I really do appreciate all the time you put into reading and editing. You're wonderful! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Another exciting story about Margot and Miles. Goodness, I wonder what the ending will be like? Will Miles find out who Margot is? Will the conclusion be a happy ending instead of a sad ending?
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2022
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Another exciting story about Margot and Miles. Goodness, I wonder what the ending will be like? Will Miles find out who Margot is? Will the conclusion be a happy ending instead of a sad ending?
Comment Written 22-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2022
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I don't write sad endings, Rosemary, too many of those in real life. I think you'll like it. :)) Thank you so much, my friend, for this lovely review, I'm delighted you are still enjoying it. Warm hugs, :) Sandra xx
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
You've written another splendid chapter in the book with marvelous description of the ball and interaction of Margot/Meg with guests she hasn't seen for nearly a decade. Good thing Bessie was right by her side.
The scene where Lord Brandon barges in is well done. Miles appear to have begun putting the pieces of the puzzle together.
Someone still has to try to kill Meg and I doubt it will be Lord Brandon. Perhaps Gwen or Cranky (who has a lot to lose).
We shall see. :)
Well done, my friend.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Hello Sandra,
You've written another splendid chapter in the book with marvelous description of the ball and interaction of Margot/Meg with guests she hasn't seen for nearly a decade. Good thing Bessie was right by her side.
The scene where Lord Brandon barges in is well done. Miles appear to have begun putting the pieces of the puzzle together.
Someone still has to try to kill Meg and I doubt it will be Lord Brandon. Perhaps Gwen or Cranky (who has a lot to lose).
We shall see. :)
Well done, my friend.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
Comment Written 09-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much, Robert. It's getting closer to the day Meg is supposed to be murdered. Who is the villain? I can't wait to find out!! A big thank you for the golden star, dear friend, I really appriate both the great review and all the stars. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
What man can do by planning? Decision for marriage is something like committing suicide; the conversation and behaviour of a son with his father is so realistic and bad or poor; well said, well done, post god speed more, share post not 4 self-joy-pride but 4 God and readers worldwide Alcreator Litt Dear (DR)
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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What man can do by planning? Decision for marriage is something like committing suicide; the conversation and behaviour of a son with his father is so realistic and bad or poor; well said, well done, post god speed more, share post not 4 self-joy-pride but 4 God and readers worldwide Alcreator Litt Dear (DR)
Comment Written 07-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much, Alcreator Litt Dear, for another lovely review. I do appreciate all your comments, thank you. :) Sandra xx
Comment from dmt1967
'I think you've said enough, Sir, now you can leave!' Miles, none too gently, took hold of his father's arm and forced him out () the room. (of)
He slammed the carriage door shut and told the driver to get some help at the other end to get Lord Brandon out () the carriage. (of)
Another great chapter. Thank you for sharing and have a great week.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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'I think you've said enough, Sir, now you can leave!' Miles, none too gently, took hold of his father's arm and forced him out () the room. (of)
He slammed the carriage door shut and told the driver to get some help at the other end to get Lord Brandon out () the carriage. (of)
Another great chapter. Thank you for sharing and have a great week.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Jackie, for checking out this chapter and picking out the missing 'of' on the two sentences. It's all sorted! I really appreciate your help. Warm hugs. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from l.raven
Hi Sandra, well!! Margot came through in flying colors...
Good thing Bessie was there to tell her about Lucy...
and you had to know everything wasn't going to go smooth...
not after what went on at the club house...
I'm about to pull the hairs off my legs..."trying to
save what I have left on my head"...trying to figure
out how you will pull this off with Margot and Meg...
one of them will have to go...someone's heart will be
broken...but Miles heart belongs to Meg...and Meg to Miles...
so lets see where this all goes...
This is one of your best chapters my amazing friend...and why you ask???
well I love how much Miles loves Meg...how he cherishes
her...how he makes her feel like a queen...and the way he stood up to his dad her...sigh...maybe I'm just in the wrong
dimension/generation....plant...you go back there a lot...how are things back yonder?...
well lets see what his dad tries to do...and keep Margot alive at the same time...can you imagine what your readers would do if you bumped off Margot...to save Meg...you wouldn't...would you???...
this will make an awesome book sweet girl...so very well written...a lot to do to finish the day off...sending SOOOOOOOOO much love flying your way...Linda xxoo
HI you, I decided not to review so late at night...
I did read your story...because I couldn't wait until
today...but had a full day...took me longer than I thought it would...
did a couple loads of wash this morning...rugs and towels...
so I decided to do them a the laundry mat...
got done about 11:30am...and stopped to eat lunch...at 12:30pm...I have to go to therapy at 1:00pm...and then had a doctors appt at 2:30pm...had to be back home at 4:00pm for my son to change a couple of my air conditioner around...their cheaper to run than central air...
tomorrow I have to go pick my girlfriend up at the airport
...she's coming for about a week...and her son is coming with her...and he wants to stay a little longer...
so I have to finish getting things done a round here...
taking the stuffed animals of the beds in my grandkids rooms...and finishing the dishes...a couple more things and I'm done...will email soon....love much..xxoo
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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Hi Sandra, well!! Margot came through in flying colors...
Good thing Bessie was there to tell her about Lucy...
and you had to know everything wasn't going to go smooth...
not after what went on at the club house...
I'm about to pull the hairs off my legs..."trying to
save what I have left on my head"...trying to figure
out how you will pull this off with Margot and Meg...
one of them will have to go...someone's heart will be
broken...but Miles heart belongs to Meg...and Meg to Miles...
so lets see where this all goes...
This is one of your best chapters my amazing friend...and why you ask???
well I love how much Miles loves Meg...how he cherishes
her...how he makes her feel like a queen...and the way he stood up to his dad her...sigh...maybe I'm just in the wrong
dimension/generation....plant...you go back there a lot...how are things back yonder?...
well lets see what his dad tries to do...and keep Margot alive at the same time...can you imagine what your readers would do if you bumped off Margot...to save Meg...you wouldn't...would you???...
this will make an awesome book sweet girl...so very well written...a lot to do to finish the day off...sending SOOOOOOOOO much love flying your way...Linda xxoo
HI you, I decided not to review so late at night...
I did read your story...because I couldn't wait until
today...but had a full day...took me longer than I thought it would...
did a couple loads of wash this morning...rugs and towels...
so I decided to do them a the laundry mat...
got done about 11:30am...and stopped to eat lunch...at 12:30pm...I have to go to therapy at 1:00pm...and then had a doctors appt at 2:30pm...had to be back home at 4:00pm for my son to change a couple of my air conditioner around...their cheaper to run than central air...
tomorrow I have to go pick my girlfriend up at the airport
...she's coming for about a week...and her son is coming with her...and he wants to stay a little longer...
so I have to finish getting things done a round here...
taking the stuffed animals of the beds in my grandkids rooms...and finishing the dishes...a couple more things and I'm done...will email soon....love much..xxoo
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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I had this amazing image of you pulling the hair out of your legs!! 🤣😂 What will I do with you?? Yes, I go back in my time bath machine, (I like to arrive clean) and get all these gorgeous hunks vying for my attention ... it does get a bit boring!!! Lol.
Thank you so much, my dear friend, for all the laughs you give me. I love reading your reviews, they are such fun. And a bigger hug for the golden star!!! 🥰🤗
It sounds like you have a full week ahead! But it will be good to see your friend and her son. It'll be fun catching up and doing girly things together. My granddaughter, Chloe, often takes me out for a fun Granny-Granddaugher day. She always treats me, and says it gives her so much pleasure to take me out. Is that lovely? I will be doing something special for her on her Birthday. Everyone loves her, she's lovely inside and out.
You have the best week, my dear friend. Love you to the end of the universe and back! xxxxxxxxx Sandra xxxxx
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that is sooo awesome Chloe takes you out
like that...it's a wonderful feeling to be with the grandkids...I love just catching up
with them...
I loved going out with the girls...I would ask them questions like...who's the new boy
in you life???...and they would answer...no one with big smiles on their faces...I would tell them...this is grandma...you can tell me anything...and they just laugh...but it's fun to tease them...everyone laid down for a nap...so I'm going to try and dose myself...
later beautiful you...and you have a lovely week as well...love you the mostest...xxoo
Comment from tfawcus
I thought this a particularly good chapter with the lovers' byplay and the way you handled the sudden change of mood when Lord Brandon arrived. I also like the way Margot uses the conversation with Sarah to excuse any social gaffes she might commit.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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I thought this a particularly good chapter with the lovers' byplay and the way you handled the sudden change of mood when Lord Brandon arrived. I also like the way Margot uses the conversation with Sarah to excuse any social gaffes she might commit.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much, Tony. I'm delighted you enjoyed this chapter. There aren't too many left, with such a short time left to stop Meg's murder. And, thank you, my friend, for the golden star, I really appreciate it. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from judiverse
I like the way you handled Margot's nervousness about being "out of the loop" because there will be people she doesn't know. However, she has been out of circulation because of opposition to Meg's marriage to Miles, and Bessie is there to help her if she meets someone she doesn't know. Miles' s father makes a scene by showing drunk and loudly announcing his opposition to the marriage and vilifying those who showed up to support Miles and Meg. Excellent story. judi
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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I like the way you handled Margot's nervousness about being "out of the loop" because there will be people she doesn't know. However, she has been out of circulation because of opposition to Meg's marriage to Miles, and Bessie is there to help her if she meets someone she doesn't know. Miles' s father makes a scene by showing drunk and loudly announcing his opposition to the marriage and vilifying those who showed up to support Miles and Meg. Excellent story. judi
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much for this detailed review, Judi, and the golden star! I really enjoyed reading your comments, and greatly value your support. There will be a few more revelations, and some more angry words coming soon. Thanks, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from alexisleech
You continue to amaze me with your attention to detail, Sandra. It all brings the story to life so well, and transports me into the page every time. Hopefully, Lord Brandon's behaviour will do him no favours, but as you and I know, people who disgrace themselves through alcohol and bitterness, usually come back with more lies to try and justify their actions. A dangerous situation indeed, and one that can lead to further disasters. My fingers and toes are crossed for a happy outcome!
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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You continue to amaze me with your attention to detail, Sandra. It all brings the story to life so well, and transports me into the page every time. Hopefully, Lord Brandon's behaviour will do him no favours, but as you and I know, people who disgrace themselves through alcohol and bitterness, usually come back with more lies to try and justify their actions. A dangerous situation indeed, and one that can lead to further disasters. My fingers and toes are crossed for a happy outcome!
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much, Alexis! What a lovely review. Coming from you, my friend, it means a lot. I'm so pleased you are still enjoying my story. Things will be coming to a hostile head soon!! Thanks, dear friend, for the golden star! Love and hugs, Sandra xxxx
Comment from Annette R.
I always enjoy your writings but may not stay with FanStory because of the $99 fee. Keep writing. You are good at it. I didn't have time to read this installment
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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I always enjoy your writings but may not stay with FanStory because of the $99 fee. Keep writing. You are good at it. I didn't have time to read this installment
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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I know what you mean, Annette, I couldn't afford the whole amount, either. I pay monthly now. It's a lot easier for me. But with costs going up on everything, it's hard to know what to do. Thank you for letting me know, I hope things get better soon, for us all! Love and hugs, Sandra xx