The Tor
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Reflecting Positivity "Adventures around & upon a hill
11 total reviews
Comment from Beck Fenton
I'm afraid I'm having trouble following when your persona is in the here or the then.
And this sentence made no sense to me... " Hers more home and another friend, Jill would prefer more to be featured in the garden section. "
I'm glad you are writing so much! I am intrigued by what's to come.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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I'm afraid I'm having trouble following when your persona is in the here or the then.
And this sentence made no sense to me... " Hers more home and another friend, Jill would prefer more to be featured in the garden section. "
I'm glad you are writing so much! I am intrigued by what's to come.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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Thank you for your involved review. It's a joke about being featured in home & garden magazine
Comment from dellsworthpoet
This piece flows well. We see a morphing back and forth between eras. We also see remembrances appearing from each era in the other. So far this has not been confusing, but be sure to tag us as to where we are.
The language is plain. The images are vivid. The piece stays on point.
This is why the pf rule is often broken.
Suggestion:
Cue us in on terms that are not common knowledge.
What is meant by pf rule in regards to touching?
Per google: In operations research and social choice, the proportional-fair (PF) rule is a rule saying that, among all possible alternatives, one should pick an alternative that cannot be improved, where "improvement" is measured by the sum of relative improvements possible for each individual agent.
That definition adds no clarity to this passage.
Thanks for a good read.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2022
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This piece flows well. We see a morphing back and forth between eras. We also see remembrances appearing from each era in the other. So far this has not been confusing, but be sure to tag us as to where we are.
The language is plain. The images are vivid. The piece stays on point.
This is why the pf rule is often broken.
Suggestion:
Cue us in on terms that are not common knowledge.
What is meant by pf rule in regards to touching?
Per google: In operations research and social choice, the proportional-fair (PF) rule is a rule saying that, among all possible alternatives, one should pick an alternative that cannot be improved, where "improvement" is measured by the sum of relative improvements possible for each individual agent.
That definition adds no clarity to this passage.
Thanks for a good read.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2022
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Thank you for your very supportive, involved review. Maybe I should direct readers to author notes. Every unknown term, reference, or allusion is defined there. The reader misses a lot of 'good stuff' if they don't refer to that section, throughout the entire book.
This is what I have for pf: pf is the short term for a Particular Friendship which is a friendship forbidden between two monks. Thank you for the headsup.
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You are welcome.
Comment from tfawcus
This shifting between centuries makes for a fascinating story. I have built some background knowledge about the various characters by catching up on some of the previous characters, and this is proving to be helpful.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2022
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This shifting between centuries makes for a fascinating story. I have built some background knowledge about the various characters by catching up on some of the previous characters, and this is proving to be helpful.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2022
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Thank you for your truly involved review. Yes, it helps to know them in the 21st century, doesn't it?
Comment from Jay Squires
Hey, Liz! I'm back again, and it's good to be traipsing around in the monastery with Samuel. I confess, I got a little lost with the mention of a movie in the 15th century. I realize the vortexing from the present and into the past, but I honestly feel you need to have clearer signposts in the body of the action. I don't know, am I making that clear? You have such good, strong characters and you don't want them to get lost in a morass of confusion. I think I've told you before, I'm a big fan of this vortexing idea ... and your writing, especially when I'm delighted by bits of humor creeping in.
Here are some thoughts as I read:
I can't see who it is at first, then my sweating face, changes to beet red, [I had to pause at "changes to beet red" because you are going from internalized emotions to description of something he can't see. I'd suggest either leaving that phrase out, or replacing it with internalized feelings: i.e., how can a blush be described?]
someone to justify taking us all out. And I don't mean for a date. [Hahaha! See? That's the humor I was talking about.]
I'll be waiting for what happens next.
Jay
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2022
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Hey, Liz! I'm back again, and it's good to be traipsing around in the monastery with Samuel. I confess, I got a little lost with the mention of a movie in the 15th century. I realize the vortexing from the present and into the past, but I honestly feel you need to have clearer signposts in the body of the action. I don't know, am I making that clear? You have such good, strong characters and you don't want them to get lost in a morass of confusion. I think I've told you before, I'm a big fan of this vortexing idea ... and your writing, especially when I'm delighted by bits of humor creeping in.
Here are some thoughts as I read:
I can't see who it is at first, then my sweating face, changes to beet red, [I had to pause at "changes to beet red" because you are going from internalized emotions to description of something he can't see. I'd suggest either leaving that phrase out, or replacing it with internalized feelings: i.e., how can a blush be described?]
someone to justify taking us all out. And I don't mean for a date. [Hahaha! See? That's the humor I was talking about.]
I'll be waiting for what happens next.
Jay
Comment Written 03-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2022
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Thank you for your wonderful review. To explain the red face, I get a red face when I know I've made a foolish move or had a 'jump to conclusions' thought. Samuel/Madeline couldn't be believe he'd played such a drama in his head. The movie is pretty terrible. The alluding to the movie is setting up a future incident. Each time there is something a little strange to the character, it is a subtle foreshadowing. I'm glad you appreciate my humor.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Nice chapter and that image of the monks writing with their blood just to keep the flame of faith burning it's very impressive. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2022
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Nice chapter and that image of the monks writing with their blood just to keep the flame of faith burning it's very impressive. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2022
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Thank you for your involved review. I am pleased what you pulled from this chapter.
Comment from lyenochka
I'm glad you are showing us who is corresponds with whom between the centuries. Glad the fear of the ominous black ink is lifted. I am guessing the pf rule is the no fraternizing rule? Hope Madeline can be transported back after she unlocks the mystery of the connections.
reply by the author on 31-May-2022
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I'm glad you are showing us who is corresponds with whom between the centuries. Glad the fear of the ominous black ink is lifted. I am guessing the pf rule is the no fraternizing rule? Hope Madeline can be transported back after she unlocks the mystery of the connections.
Comment Written 31-May-2022
reply by the author on 31-May-2022
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Thank you for your involved review. There is much more to happen.
Comment from aryr
What a fantastic continuation chapter, Liz. It was nice to be able to be transported back to the 15 century where Madeline/ Brother Samuel's adventure began. Nobody really understands the concept of time travel or a vortex but I am sure that Madeline does as does the others in the 21 century. Very well done and greatly enjoyed.
reply by the author on 31-May-2022
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What a fantastic continuation chapter, Liz. It was nice to be able to be transported back to the 15 century where Madeline/ Brother Samuel's adventure began. Nobody really understands the concept of time travel or a vortex but I am sure that Madeline does as does the others in the 21 century. Very well done and greatly enjoyed.
Comment Written 31-May-2022
reply by the author on 31-May-2022
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Thank you for your involved review. There is much more to happen.
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You are so very welcome, Liz. I will be sure to watch out for your chapters.
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Great ...thank you
Comment from jessizero
This one seemed like it is setting up for something, but I don't know what. I continue to enjoy your book. Thanks for continuing to share, and, as always, best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 31-May-2022
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This one seemed like it is setting up for something, but I don't know what. I continue to enjoy your book. Thanks for continuing to share, and, as always, best wishes to you.
Comment Written 31-May-2022
reply by the author on 31-May-2022
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Thank you for your insightful review. You are the first to catch that...it sure is setting up for a couple of incidents
Comment from Judy Lawless
It seems like there are a number of strange things going on at the Monastery, Liz, evil things even, perhaps. Many monks are breaking the rules. Now I'm left wondering even more if Madeline will make it back to the 21st century. Well done.
One tiny spag: "As the days grow more drear(y),..."
reply by the author on 31-May-2022
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It seems like there are a number of strange things going on at the Monastery, Liz, evil things even, perhaps. Many monks are breaking the rules. Now I'm left wondering even more if Madeline will make it back to the 21st century. Well done.
One tiny spag: "As the days grow more drear(y),..."
Comment Written 31-May-2022
reply by the author on 31-May-2022
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Thank you for your involved review. I'm glad it is having the hoped for effect.
Thank you, 'more drear' sounds more dramatic.
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You?re very welcome, Liz. :)
Comment from country ranch writer
5/31/2022---4:17am.
Evil lurks in the living space whee the Monks are residing.Monks having asexual relations is forbidden.
Whois trying to get rid of then ?where did the poison come From?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-May-2022
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5/31/2022---4:17am.
Evil lurks in the living space whee the Monks are residing.Monks having asexual relations is forbidden.
Whois trying to get rid of then ?where did the poison come From?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-May-2022
reply by the author on 31-May-2022
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Thank you for your involved review. I'm glad it is having the hoped for effect.
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