Blessed Brother/ part 2
The ignited darkness22 total reviews
Comment from kahpot
"time is your wisest counselor" and I like the lead-up to forgiveness being indefinable, well the ending leaves the reader in wonder-is it or is it not the stranger, an excellent read and I look forward to catching up some more, very well written****kahpot
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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"time is your wisest counselor" and I like the lead-up to forgiveness being indefinable, well the ending leaves the reader in wonder-is it or is it not the stranger, an excellent read and I look forward to catching up some more, very well written****kahpot
Comment Written 14-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Kahpot, for going back to read. I'd love to have you follow. Thanks again; I'm posting part 5 sometime tomorrow.
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Sorry I am a bit slow, but I am enjoying very much****kahpot
Comment from joann r romei
I am glad you gave the read the information prior to the posted work, it is certainly a deep story with many moral layers, it held my attention throughout, ty for posting
reply by the author on 31-May-2022
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I am glad you gave the read the information prior to the posted work, it is certainly a deep story with many moral layers, it held my attention throughout, ty for posting
Comment Written 31-May-2022
reply by the author on 31-May-2022
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Thank you so much for your review, Joann. I'm happy it held your attention.
Comment from Whitewave
John,
Your story is well-written, very believable and holds my interest. . The dialogue and scenes you describe are easy to imagine. I remember thinking 'Father Everett' seemed like a fake, in part 1. Perhaps he is about to learn what life, love and forgiveness are all about - and what the church is not. (?)
reply by the author on 31-May-2022
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John,
Your story is well-written, very believable and holds my interest. . The dialogue and scenes you describe are easy to imagine. I remember thinking 'Father Everett' seemed like a fake, in part 1. Perhaps he is about to learn what life, love and forgiveness are all about - and what the church is not. (?)
Comment Written 31-May-2022
reply by the author on 31-May-2022
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Thank you for your review, Ww; it is much appreciated.
Comment from amahra
Thank you for the synopsis of part one. I like this chapter because of the supernatural element. The idea of a medallion and artifacts belonging to Christ is something I'd like to continue to explore. Great chapter.
reply by the author on 30-May-2022
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Thank you for the synopsis of part one. I like this chapter because of the supernatural element. The idea of a medallion and artifacts belonging to Christ is something I'd like to continue to explore. Great chapter.
Comment Written 30-May-2022
reply by the author on 30-May-2022
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Thank you for the review, amahra. I'm happy you liked it! Take care. Best, JohnC
Comment from Robert Edward Watt
I'm new to reviewing and to this site, so forgive me if I do a poor job. I hadn't read part 1 but from the synopsis could see this was a large and complex story. A lot happened in part 1- enough for an entire book. I was prepared for a long read in part 2.
I think it has the potential to be a good story although there are details that make the story a bit unbelievable perhaps they had been covered in the first part..
First the main character as a priest, it would be good to know why he keeps the medallion? I assume he knows its stolen, in the opening he says 'its devine power given by God', so perhaps he doesn't. But he doesn't appear to have any intention of using it for good, nor is there any suggestion that he wants to keep its power away from the wrong hands. He didn't have any words of comfort for his brother but neither did he use the power. He says 'I've only discovered moments ago that forgiveness is part of its strength' I wasn't sure what this means - he couldn't use it because he couldn't forgive? I think this needs more explanation.
When the priest overhears Everett's prayer he asks why he isn't willing to find him. This is a bit odd as I didn't know he was missing. He'd just left the church, so a bit strange. Everett had been asking himself the same question when did he have time to do this?
After the brief discussion in the morning, he is out at night looking for him. I think the intention is he wasn't deliberately looking for Thaddius and something had led him there and so met the mysterious homeless guy. It feels a bit contrived, perhaps because of the sudden switch of time. I think you should fill in more time building an atmosphere, perhaps while the priest is walking, describe what he is thinking; the turmoil in his head between healing his brother when there are so many other people more deserving to be healed, why God would give him a terminal disease and him the power to heal it, etc.
Its very fast-moving story and perhaps that how the first part has already covered so much ground. I think slowing down the story by adding more description would improve it. I'd like to know more about the church and the area he has walked to as well as the conflicts in the priest.
Hope this isn't too negative Its meant to be constructive. It shouldn't take away the sense of achievement you get from writing something. I have the same feeling.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-May-2022
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I'm new to reviewing and to this site, so forgive me if I do a poor job. I hadn't read part 1 but from the synopsis could see this was a large and complex story. A lot happened in part 1- enough for an entire book. I was prepared for a long read in part 2.
I think it has the potential to be a good story although there are details that make the story a bit unbelievable perhaps they had been covered in the first part..
First the main character as a priest, it would be good to know why he keeps the medallion? I assume he knows its stolen, in the opening he says 'its devine power given by God', so perhaps he doesn't. But he doesn't appear to have any intention of using it for good, nor is there any suggestion that he wants to keep its power away from the wrong hands. He didn't have any words of comfort for his brother but neither did he use the power. He says 'I've only discovered moments ago that forgiveness is part of its strength' I wasn't sure what this means - he couldn't use it because he couldn't forgive? I think this needs more explanation.
When the priest overhears Everett's prayer he asks why he isn't willing to find him. This is a bit odd as I didn't know he was missing. He'd just left the church, so a bit strange. Everett had been asking himself the same question when did he have time to do this?
After the brief discussion in the morning, he is out at night looking for him. I think the intention is he wasn't deliberately looking for Thaddius and something had led him there and so met the mysterious homeless guy. It feels a bit contrived, perhaps because of the sudden switch of time. I think you should fill in more time building an atmosphere, perhaps while the priest is walking, describe what he is thinking; the turmoil in his head between healing his brother when there are so many other people more deserving to be healed, why God would give him a terminal disease and him the power to heal it, etc.
Its very fast-moving story and perhaps that how the first part has already covered so much ground. I think slowing down the story by adding more description would improve it. I'd like to know more about the church and the area he has walked to as well as the conflicts in the priest.
Hope this isn't too negative Its meant to be constructive. It shouldn't take away the sense of achievement you get from writing something. I have the same feeling.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-May-2022
reply by the author on 29-May-2022
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The story is in parts, so perhaps all your questions will be answered, and maybe they won't. That being said, thank you for your review, Robert. Your points are noted. It was constructive and helpful.
Comment from royowen
The interesting thing is, is the medallion powerful enough to raise the dead? The funny thing about relics, which Luther addressed is, that it does nothing within itself, it's still the faith of the individual that heals, it makes no sense that God would put extra conditions on healing. But a lot of people believe that, it's their faith really that does it, beautifully written John forgiveness carries much with it, great subject, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 28-May-2022
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The interesting thing is, is the medallion powerful enough to raise the dead? The funny thing about relics, which Luther addressed is, that it does nothing within itself, it's still the faith of the individual that heals, it makes no sense that God would put extra conditions on healing. But a lot of people believe that, it's their faith really that does it, beautifully written John forgiveness carries much with it, great subject, blessings Roy
Comment Written 28-May-2022
reply by the author on 28-May-2022
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Roy, concerning your opening question and not to give anything away, I agree I have to be very careful with this piece. I'm tiptoeing through the tulips, so to speak, lol. Thank you so much for your kind words and for reading.
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Yep, I understand, be bold John. I used to write and cringe, I don?t so much now
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading the synopsis. Thank you for providing it. I really like this story and feel you have a winning story on your hands. You are doing a good job writing this.
reply by the author on 28-May-2022
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I enjoyed reading the synopsis. Thank you for providing it. I really like this story and feel you have a winning story on your hands. You are doing a good job writing this.
Comment Written 28-May-2022
reply by the author on 28-May-2022
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Thank you, Barbara, for the stars and review. I appreciate your support it means a lot.
Comment from Judy Lawless
I'm sorry I have no six stars left for this, John. This is a very well written, engaging story. I was holding my breath at times, hoping for good things to happen. Perhaps it's not too late.
I'm glad you did the synopsis first, to refresh our memories even if we did read the first chapter. One suggestion is to put it in a different font, or Italicize it so it stands out.
Well done.
reply by the author on 28-May-2022
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I'm sorry I have no six stars left for this, John. This is a very well written, engaging story. I was holding my breath at times, hoping for good things to happen. Perhaps it's not too late.
I'm glad you did the synopsis first, to refresh our memories even if we did read the first chapter. One suggestion is to put it in a different font, or Italicize it so it stands out.
Well done.
Comment Written 28-May-2022
reply by the author on 28-May-2022
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Thank you, Judy, for the kind words and honorable mention of the SIX. You won't believe me, but I have tried to navigate the advanced editor with no success. I'm copying and pasting from word, which may be the problem. I don't know what I'm missing, lol. O well (Shrug) :)
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You're most welcome, John. Have you tried this: when you are in the advance editor, at the top of the box where you paste your work, there are a few things that look like pages. Click on the one on the right and it will say "paste from Word". Another box will come up for you to do your pasting into. Save it the way it is and then, after that closes, you can go into you work and edit, with many more options that the regular program. Hope this helps. It took me a while to find that too.
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Ahh! I haven't tried the one to the right. I'll give it a go! Thank you, Judy!
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You're welcome, John. :)
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I tried it with a dummy piece, and your suggestion was spot on! I have to post in the clipboard first and then hit ok. Thank you so much, Judy. The following post will tell.
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You're most welcome, John. I don't know why there isn't some explanation of this on the site. I think many people have a problem with it.
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Yes, I agree
Comment from Ric Myworld
Time. A factor that plays into everything, from story, to every second of everyday life for all of us. Yet, so many times, we all seem to take it for granted . . . until it's too late. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-May-2022
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Time. A factor that plays into everything, from story, to every second of everyday life for all of us. Yet, so many times, we all seem to take it for granted . . . until it's too late. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 28-May-2022
reply by the author on 28-May-2022
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Thank you, my friend Ric! I always look forward to your reviews and comments
Comment from Annmuma
A very good chapter!! It is intriguing; characters well defined; story is interesting and self-identifiable. I'm eager for the next chapter. It will be interesting to see if what happens is what I expect. Good job. ann
reply by the author on 28-May-2022
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A very good chapter!! It is intriguing; characters well defined; story is interesting and self-identifiable. I'm eager for the next chapter. It will be interesting to see if what happens is what I expect. Good job. ann
Comment Written 28-May-2022
reply by the author on 28-May-2022
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Thank you, Ann, for a great review. I'm going to try to give you the unexpected, but when you're writing for a community of writers, it becomes a challenge and precisely what I'm looking for, lol. I hope I don't disappoint. Thanks again for reading Ann, it means a lot.
