Quiet Lawyer
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Quiet Lawyer Chapter 12 A"Can a broken heart be mended?
26 total reviews
Comment from Shirley McLain
I ran out of sixes today. I have to tell you I liked the story before you rewrote the section. I much preferred Cord saving her from the bad guy. It made their bond closer. You did a great job as always. Have a great evening. Shirley
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
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I ran out of sixes today. I have to tell you I liked the story before you rewrote the section. I much preferred Cord saving her from the bad guy. It made their bond closer. You did a great job as always. Have a great evening. Shirley
Comment Written 24-May-2022
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
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Thank you for the kind review and for your thoughts. The complaints were that Cord came to her rescue too often. LOL
Comment from nomi338
Cordero needs to make a firm statement to Ali, letting her know that despite what women from his past say or do, they are his past and she is his future. He must make her see, that he is only interested in her and no one else. Their future relationship depends on his convincing her of that.
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
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Cordero needs to make a firm statement to Ali, letting her know that despite what women from his past say or do, they are his past and she is his future. He must make her see, that he is only interested in her and no one else. Their future relationship depends on his convincing her of that.
Comment Written 24-May-2022
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
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Ali's past experience says different. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
"Well, I hope you got the changes the way you wanted them. So many times people have trouble understanding what we are trying too say, and if we can make it easier, then I guess it's our duty. Thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
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"Well, I hope you got the changes the way you wanted them. So many times people have trouble understanding what we are trying too say, and if we can make it easier, then I guess it's our duty. Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 24-May-2022
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
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I'm sure so sure, I like the changes. LOL It will take time for me to decide.
Comment from Maria Millsaps
Ali sounds very weak and co dependent. I hope she's going to develop character along the way.
Minor errors noted:
Would you like to leave message?" (a message)
She tears crept down her cheeks. (Her tears crept down her cheeks)
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
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Ali sounds very weak and co dependent. I hope she's going to develop character along the way.
Minor errors noted:
Would you like to leave message?" (a message)
She tears crept down her cheeks. (Her tears crept down her cheeks)
Comment Written 24-May-2022
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
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I have made those corrections. We will see a different Ali coming up. Thank you for the kind review.
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Glad to hear that Ali is getting stronger, and developing character. That's the hero's journey in every story. Thanks for sharing.
Comment from lancellot
Everything looks nice and clean. The FanStory editor sometimes has issues. you never know when it will act up.
This chapter is going according to form. I saw nothing out of order, or that doesn't belong to the way the story is formed.
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reply by the author on 24-May-2022
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Everything looks nice and clean. The FanStory editor sometimes has issues. you never know when it will act up.
This chapter is going according to form. I saw nothing out of order, or that doesn't belong to the way the story is formed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-May-2022
reply by the author on 24-May-2022
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Thank you for the kind review. I changed part of the previous post. You were one who questioned it. Does it read better now or am I still off?
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I did?
Either way, it's the same. You see, with or without that scene, it makes no difference. That scene doesn't advance the story or the plot. It is there, because the formula calls for it (bad boy shows up, goes after woman - again, loses to strong good guy or now, strong good woman, and is never seen or heard from again... nothing changes. No cops, no courts.. nothing. like it never happened.) The point is the respecting women speech. Just like the last story and (shocking teenage boy with a playboy magazine), respecting women speech. The formula calls for it.
As with Joyce's arrival. Cord will choose the good-girl and send the loose girl packing, without touching her. Why? Because the formula calls for this scene (to re-enforce that virginal women win over slutty women) In this story, the last story, and likely the next.
Comment from royowen
I've been through that process, many, many moons ago, but Rosa's right, until the boundaries are made and set, one will continue to have reset, after reset, but it gets better, it will be interesting with Joyce, women like her are very assured, beautifully written dear Barbara, blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 24-May-2022
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I've been through that process, many, many moons ago, but Rosa's right, until the boundaries are made and set, one will continue to have reset, after reset, but it gets better, it will be interesting with Joyce, women like her are very assured, beautifully written dear Barbara, blessings Roy
Typo : Would you like to leave (a) message?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-May-2022
reply by the author on 24-May-2022
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Thank you for the understanding. I will make that correction.
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Most welcome
