Quiet Lawyer
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Quiet Lawyer Chapter 12 A"Can a broken heart be mended?
26 total reviews
Comment from Begin Again
I have a bit of a problem that Ali can be so strong for other women, but burst into tears as soon as something appears to be a little lopsides. Am I reading too much into it?
Smiles and hugs, Carol
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2022
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I have a bit of a problem that Ali can be so strong for other women, but burst into tears as soon as something appears to be a little lopsides. Am I reading too much into it?
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment Written 27-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2022
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Because of Ali's previous relationship she's has no self-confidence when it comes to herself. She's a hot mess.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
A smooth read full of strong characters, although Ali needs a good boost in her confidence and trust levels.
Well constructed scenes help move the story along at a good pace.
Interesting plot.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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A smooth read full of strong characters, although Ali needs a good boost in her confidence and trust levels.
Well constructed scenes help move the story along at a good pace.
Interesting plot.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Ali will get the boost she needs. Thank you for the kind review. Sorry you had to read it without money attached.
Comment from dmt1967
He remained (at) the barn with his dad and talked while they unpacked. (in)
Cordero removed his bandana. "(Here. Your tears) tell me it's not." This does not make sense. (Here, dry your tears, and)
Continuing, Rosa said, "I need my SUV. I'm hoping you could take (her)." I would use the characters name otherwise it sounds like, to me, that she needs the SUV but is asking your character to take it. A lot of people name their cars and genderism them.
This is another great chapter and thank you for sharing. Have a great weekend.
reply by the author on 28-May-2022
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He remained (at) the barn with his dad and talked while they unpacked. (in)
Cordero removed his bandana. "(Here. Your tears) tell me it's not." This does not make sense. (Here, dry your tears, and)
Continuing, Rosa said, "I need my SUV. I'm hoping you could take (her)." I would use the characters name otherwise it sounds like, to me, that she needs the SUV but is asking your character to take it. A lot of people name their cars and genderism them.
This is another great chapter and thank you for sharing. Have a great weekend.
Comment Written 28-May-2022
reply by the author on 28-May-2022
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Joyce seems to be rather confident in her expectations of Cord, but Ali should know by now that he only has eyes for her, he's proved that time and time again. I'm hoping once she is helping those women with their complaint against the bank manager, she'll start picking up some confidence of her own. Well done, Barbara, another fine chapter. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 26-May-2022
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Joyce seems to be rather confident in her expectations of Cord, but Ali should know by now that he only has eyes for her, he's proved that time and time again. I'm hoping once she is helping those women with their complaint against the bank manager, she'll start picking up some confidence of her own. Well done, Barbara, another fine chapter. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 26-May-2022
reply by the author on 26-May-2022
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I can promise Ali eventually become confident, but it will take time. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Fleedleflump
Hi Barbara. This whole chapter reads smoothly and plausibly, with natural dialogue and some subtly expressed interplay between the characters. I could feel Cord's awkwardness and uncertainty.
I very much enjoyed reading this :-)
Spags:
'Alexandra glanced outside at where Cordero always parked his pick-up. "Not, yet.' - the comma after 'Not' is unnecessary - I'm thinking this might have been "No, not yet." and been edited.
'Later that afternoon Cordero returned.' - needs a comma after 'afternoon'
'Chuckling Jorge said, "I see you're minus' - needs a comma after 'Chuckling'
'A moment passed. "Ali's with her.' - missing speech marks from the end
'She turned to leave. "I understand."
Jorge came closer and whispered, "Hijo, ve con Ali. Es importante para ella. Jim y yo entendimos esto." (Son, go with Ali. It's important to her. Jim and I got this.)
With raised eyebrows Cordero faced his dad.' - I think you missed a couple of paragraph gaps here, and there should be a comma after 'eyebrows'
'Inside Rosa walked up to Cordero.' - needs a comma before 'Rosa'
I hope that helps.
Mike
reply by the author on 26-May-2022
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Hi Barbara. This whole chapter reads smoothly and plausibly, with natural dialogue and some subtly expressed interplay between the characters. I could feel Cord's awkwardness and uncertainty.
I very much enjoyed reading this :-)
Spags:
'Alexandra glanced outside at where Cordero always parked his pick-up. "Not, yet.' - the comma after 'Not' is unnecessary - I'm thinking this might have been "No, not yet." and been edited.
'Later that afternoon Cordero returned.' - needs a comma after 'afternoon'
'Chuckling Jorge said, "I see you're minus' - needs a comma after 'Chuckling'
'A moment passed. "Ali's with her.' - missing speech marks from the end
'She turned to leave. "I understand."
Jorge came closer and whispered, "Hijo, ve con Ali. Es importante para ella. Jim y yo entendimos esto." (Son, go with Ali. It's important to her. Jim and I got this.)
With raised eyebrows Cordero faced his dad.' - I think you missed a couple of paragraph gaps here, and there should be a comma after 'eyebrows'
'Inside Rosa walked up to Cordero.' - needs a comma before 'Rosa'
I hope that helps.
Mike
Comment Written 26-May-2022
reply by the author on 26-May-2022
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I appreciate the help and you dropping by. I've missed your reviewing while you were away. I'm on vacation and attempting to post while on a laptop. I normally work on a PC. I don't get along well with laptops.
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Totally with you on that - laptop keyboards are challenging for me and the smaller screens make it hard to see my typos and errors!
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I'll probably have to post my next one on a laptop, but with the help of two granddaughters, a 3-year-old and 18-month-old. Not sure how it will look. LOL
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Do the acquaintances or ladies meet again and get into a huge discussion about their friend, Cord? A little triangle perhaps and sometimes they do not end up happy.
reply by the author on 26-May-2022
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Do the acquaintances or ladies meet again and get into a huge discussion about their friend, Cord? A little triangle perhaps and sometimes they do not end up happy.
Comment Written 25-May-2022
reply by the author on 26-May-2022
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They ladies will discuss Cord a couple of times. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is an excellent chapter, Barbara. I do get frustrated when the characters in love stories try to read each other's minds and get it entirely wrong. But I guess that happens in real life too. You've written these scenes well. Can't wait to see what happens in town. :)
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
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This is an excellent chapter, Barbara. I do get frustrated when the characters in love stories try to read each other's minds and get it entirely wrong. But I guess that happens in real life too. You've written these scenes well. Can't wait to see what happens in town. :)
Comment Written 25-May-2022
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
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My husband always thinks he know what I'm thinking and 90% of the time he's wrong. Thank you for the kind review.
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You're most welcome, Barbara. My husband never knows what I'm thinking even if I tell him. lol
Comment from John Ciarmello
This is a great chapter, Barbara. I wasn't she if Joyce was going to show up again, but why wouldn't she? It will get a bit sticky now because Cord and Ali aren't an item yet. Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
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This is a great chapter, Barbara. I wasn't she if Joyce was going to show up again, but why wouldn't she? It will get a bit sticky now because Cord and Ali aren't an item yet. Best, JohnC
Comment Written 25-May-2022
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
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We will see Joyce once more. Hmm?? Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Anne Johnston
Looks like Ali still has some lessons to learn on trusting people. I hope she and Cord can work through this hurdle with an old girlfriend. I am sure it is hard to write when you are out of your own space, but this is well done.
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
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Looks like Ali still has some lessons to learn on trusting people. I hope she and Cord can work through this hurdle with an old girlfriend. I am sure it is hard to write when you are out of your own space, but this is well done.
Comment Written 25-May-2022
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
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Thank you for this kind review. Yes, I have to use my laptop which I hate. LOL
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You are welcome. I don't think I could do much writing on a laptop, love my desktop computer.
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I agree.
Comment from eliz100
You have hit the ball out of the park, as usual. You have moved the story along nicely. You have done a great job in describing the early relationship between Ali and Cord. I do not see any room for improvement.
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
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You have hit the ball out of the park, as usual. You have moved the story along nicely. You have done a great job in describing the early relationship between Ali and Cord. I do not see any room for improvement.
Comment Written 25-May-2022
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
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Thank you for the kind review.
