The Train of Life
The daily dirge catches up with my thoughts19 total reviews
Comment from harmony13
The author's words are engaging, descriptive, clear, sad and creative. This poem made me think of the drudgery of life. On a better note, I thought of a video online called "Life on the Train". Thank you for the author's notes - the train is a great place to write! The artwork goes well with this poem.
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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The author's words are engaging, descriptive, clear, sad and creative. This poem made me think of the drudgery of life. On a better note, I thought of a video online called "Life on the Train". Thank you for the author's notes - the train is a great place to write! The artwork goes well with this poem.
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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Thank you :-). Indeed, as much as I'm using it to moan about the daily work repetition, I actually quite enjoy the train ride itself. Great fir reviewing and composing!
Mike
Comment from juliaSjames
Commuting is a great time to catch up with reading, writing and texting! If you are seated that is. As you acknowledge, the daily dirge is different for those without jobs or who lead hopeless lives. Your poem brought to mind my stint in Venezuela where the effects of US sanctions were/are keenly felt by the poorer classes. When transportation to work is hard to find or too expensive, people walk for miles in silent lines along the modern highways in early morning darkness.
I'm not sure if the refrain is supposed to refer to something I'm missing. But The Fool on the Hill began to play in my head.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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Commuting is a great time to catch up with reading, writing and texting! If you are seated that is. As you acknowledge, the daily dirge is different for those without jobs or who lead hopeless lives. Your poem brought to mind my stint in Venezuela where the effects of US sanctions were/are keenly felt by the poorer classes. When transportation to work is hard to find or too expensive, people walk for miles in silent lines along the modern highways in early morning darkness.
I'm not sure if the refrain is supposed to refer to something I'm missing. But The Fool on the Hill began to play in my head.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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I'm trying to have my cake and eat it because, while the daily job is wearing, I actually have never minded commuting for the very reasons you mention :-). As such, the fool is both me for doing it, and the one who doesn't realise it can be a gift. I'm a poet - I'm allowed to be contrary lol. Thanks so much for the thoughtful review, Julia.
Mike
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:-))
Comment from Dawn Munro
It doesn't surprise me in the least that you wrote this on the train to work -- and it's brilliant. The 'clickety-clack' is right on track, and so is the rest of the meter -- I felt like I was there as I was reading.
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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It doesn't surprise me in the least that you wrote this on the train to work -- and it's brilliant. The 'clickety-clack' is right on track, and so is the rest of the meter -- I felt like I was there as I was reading.
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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As you probably realised, it all started with 'I pity the fool' playing to the sound of the train on the tracks, and then a poem grew around it. I'm thrilled you liked it - thanks so much forbthe great review :-)
Mike
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I'm not surprised, you wrote this on the way to work, because of how talented you are. Once again, you penned a smooth flowing rhyming poem with plenty of meaing.
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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I'm not surprised, you wrote this on the way to work, because of how talented you are. Once again, you penned a smooth flowing rhyming poem with plenty of meaing.
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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Thank you, Barbara. Writing poetry is a good way to pass the journeys :-)
Mike
Comment from Carlos' girl
Nice poem. I like the theme and no I'm not surprised you wrote it while commuting to work. (See my poem " Everyday Train" for another take on it.)
It is amazing the hours we spend on trains. I like the subtle shift your poem takes also. Nice work.
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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Nice poem. I like the theme and no I'm not surprised you wrote it while commuting to work. (See my poem " Everyday Train" for another take on it.)
It is amazing the hours we spend on trains. I like the subtle shift your poem takes also. Nice work.
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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Thank you :-). I'll have to take a look!
Mike
Comment from John Ciarmello
This is packed with originality, Mike, yet utterly relatable to most of us. I'm ashamed to admit I enjoyed your life's attitude as I realized that I'm not the only one. Great write. I hope your day got better. :)
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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This is packed with originality, Mike, yet utterly relatable to most of us. I'm ashamed to admit I enjoyed your life's attitude as I realized that I'm not the only one. Great write. I hope your day got better. :)
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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Writing poetry always makes things better. Thanks for the great review :-)
Mike
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Good artwork and presentation, Mike.
-Thanks for the notes.
-I like the rhythm of the poem
imitating the sound of the train on the tracks.
-The repetitive phrase adds to that, as well.
-Effective imagery and rhyme,
like "journey of the feet" and
"the same old boss' eager throng"
-A good closing verse ending with
the repeated phrase.
-Well done!!
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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-Good artwork and presentation, Mike.
-Thanks for the notes.
-I like the rhythm of the poem
imitating the sound of the train on the tracks.
-The repetitive phrase adds to that, as well.
-Effective imagery and rhyme,
like "journey of the feet" and
"the same old boss' eager throng"
-A good closing verse ending with
the repeated phrase.
-Well done!!
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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Thank you, Pam, for the lovely and thorough review. I'm really glad you liked it :-)
Mike
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You are very welcome, Mike:):)
Comment from Lloyd T. Okoko
The objective correlative of your work reminisces the prevailing dirge of the protagonist's dreary, unsalted monotonous living.
The work highlights the foolhardiness of journeys made to face the same oddities the protagonist could not confront and get discard for a better future.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of imagery.
Excellent work. Bravo.
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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The objective correlative of your work reminisces the prevailing dirge of the protagonist's dreary, unsalted monotonous living.
The work highlights the foolhardiness of journeys made to face the same oddities the protagonist could not confront and get discard for a better future.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of imagery.
Excellent work. Bravo.
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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I love 'unsalted' - made me smile. Work days certainly do seem to lack seasoning. Thanks for the great review :-)
Mike
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Remain Blessed.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Fleedleflump a good day to you. I hope this finds you well. Nice poem I enjoyed it, the flow and rhymes were good. Mr. T would be proud. lol Good job!
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reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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Hello Fleedleflump a good day to you. I hope this finds you well. Nice poem I enjoyed it, the flow and rhymes were good. Mr. T would be proud. lol Good job!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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Lol, yes I was imagining him narrating it, which took some of the sting out of the words! Many thanks for the great review :-)
Mike
