The Train of Life
The daily dirge catches up with my thoughts19 total reviews
Comment from Sarah Tummey
I liked the rhythm of this - how it sounded like a train chugging along the track, with the repeated "I pity the fool". Very clever. Not sure I really understood the message you were trying to put across though.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
   |
I liked the rhythm of this - how it sounded like a train chugging along the track, with the repeated "I pity the fool". Very clever. Not sure I really understood the message you were trying to put across though.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-May-2022
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
-
Thank you, Sarah. I'm always open to interpretations.
Mike
Comment from karenina
I like your style.
I like the tone of your work.
It's the humdrum, every day, same old/ same old that wears us to the marrow.
Getting off the beaten track is good for the soul...
And less is the pity!
You write poetry for today's world.
Real and sharp-edged.
Karenina
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
|
I like your style.
I like the tone of your work.
It's the humdrum, every day, same old/ same old that wears us to the marrow.
Getting off the beaten track is good for the soul...
And less is the pity!
You write poetry for today's world.
Real and sharp-edged.
Karenina
Comment Written 22-May-2022
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
-
Thank you, Karen in, for this awesome review and thoughtful response. I'm thrilled you liked it :-).
Mike
-
It's my kind of poetry.
You really resonate!
Comment from N.K. Wagner
I can hear the train in your rhythm, driving on toward another day of monotony at the office. Your refrain emphasizes both the daily grind and the train's rhythmic progress along a well-worn track. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
|
I can hear the train in your rhythm, driving on toward another day of monotony at the office. Your refrain emphasizes both the daily grind and the train's rhythmic progress along a well-worn track. :) Nancy
Comment Written 22-May-2022
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
-
Thank you, Nancy :-). I love writing responsive poetry like this, seeing what emerges when I just start writing. It can be interesting to see what's on my mind that's not always obvious in my conscious thoughts.
Mike
Comment from Wendy G
"Clickety clack down the track", is the normal refrain of a train, but this train is personified, singing "I pity the fool" - those who follow day in day out the same monotonous routine, with no fulfilment or satisfaction. The last stanza emphasises this lack of accomplishment. Life passes, but days are wasted .... Well written!
Wendy
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
|
"Clickety clack down the track", is the normal refrain of a train, but this train is personified, singing "I pity the fool" - those who follow day in day out the same monotonous routine, with no fulfilment or satisfaction. The last stanza emphasises this lack of accomplishment. Life passes, but days are wasted .... Well written!
Wendy
Comment Written 21-May-2022
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
-
Thank you, Wendy :-). I started with the fool line repeating in my head while the train rocked its way along, and the rest of the poem came from there.
Mike
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
The line: "I pity the fool" is the sound of the train click clacking on the track, a very clever few words to bring your poem to life and I was on the train with you. The train takes you too and from work and the daily grind never stops, thankfully I am retired now, but I used to be in traffic jams on the M6 daily and it was horrendous! Much enjoyed Mike, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
 |
The line: "I pity the fool" is the sound of the train click clacking on the track, a very clever few words to bring your poem to life and I was on the train with you. The train takes you too and from work and the daily grind never stops, thankfully I am retired now, but I used to be in traffic jams on the M6 daily and it was horrendous! Much enjoyed Mike, love Dolly x
Comment Written 21-May-2022
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
-
Thanks so much for the awesome review, Dolly :-). We've recently been returning more to the office so the daily grind feels more grindy again. That said, I do actually enjoy my time on the train - a good chance to review and draft!
Mike
Comment from Janice Canerdy
This vividly descriptive, expressive poem conveys a message about the mundanity and monotony of daily life. I must say that for every day I've felt like this, there have been SO many times that I relished what the day brought. (NOT a criticism, just a reaction) :-)
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
|
This vividly descriptive, expressive poem conveys a message about the mundanity and monotony of daily life. I must say that for every day I've felt like this, there have been SO many times that I relished what the day brought. (NOT a criticism, just a reaction) :-)
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
-
Thank you :-). Likewise, I have plenty of great days too. This was as much observational as personal.
Mike
Comment from royowen
I love seeing what the muse or the psyche of the writer manufactures, it says a lot, and one reads between the lines, it says more than the script, I like to wrap myself rambling imagery as well, it takes the things of this world and wraps them up in harmlessness and...escape. Beautifully written Mike, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
|
I love seeing what the muse or the psyche of the writer manufactures, it says a lot, and one reads between the lines, it says more than the script, I like to wrap myself rambling imagery as well, it takes the things of this world and wraps them up in harmlessness and...escape. Beautifully written Mike, blessings Roy
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
-
Thanks for the awesome compliments and words, Roy. It was good timing for my muse.
Mike
-
Well done
-
Well done
Comment from Beri Bee
I don't know how this happens, but each new poem you post brings forth so much. "I pity the fool, I pity the fool" sounds like the noise of a train with wheels on a track. For a moment, it feels like the train might be the observer... the poor train who also has no choice but to carry on. Then, the last stanza names the real losses... the stuff worth mourning, perhaps. Until the single line with the capital F Fool appears. That fool, to me, is Shakespeare's Feste! Feste sees all... all the folly, all the waste. But wait, in the Tarot: "The Fool is numbered 0 - the number of unlimited potential - and so does not have a specific place in the sequence of the Tarot cards. The Fool can be placed either at the beginning of the Major Arcana or at the end. The Major Arcana is often considered The Fool's journey through life and as such, he is ever present and therefore needs no number." (From wikipedia, of course.) Great poem! (Obviously, I'm all out of 6-stars)
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
|
I don't know how this happens, but each new poem you post brings forth so much. "I pity the fool, I pity the fool" sounds like the noise of a train with wheels on a track. For a moment, it feels like the train might be the observer... the poor train who also has no choice but to carry on. Then, the last stanza names the real losses... the stuff worth mourning, perhaps. Until the single line with the capital F Fool appears. That fool, to me, is Shakespeare's Feste! Feste sees all... all the folly, all the waste. But wait, in the Tarot: "The Fool is numbered 0 - the number of unlimited potential - and so does not have a specific place in the sequence of the Tarot cards. The Fool can be placed either at the beginning of the Major Arcana or at the end. The Major Arcana is often considered The Fool's journey through life and as such, he is ever present and therefore needs no number." (From wikipedia, of course.) Great poem! (Obviously, I'm all out of 6-stars)
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
-
Thank you, my friend :-). I love that you instantly picked up on the pity the fool sound of the train, as that's what I started with before building the rest of the poem around it. I love your depth of interpretation - all from my ambiguous bit of personification at the end. I love knowing what others see and feel in my poetry.
Mike
Comment from leather
Good image. Is it your photography? It goes very well with the poem.
The poem sort of reminds me of the drudgery of life, of the things we accept because we would be too exhausting to do otherwise. We are a bit like fools to be so locked into the mundane. Great poem. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
|
Good image. Is it your photography? It goes very well with the poem.
The poem sort of reminds me of the drudgery of life, of the things we accept because we would be too exhausting to do otherwise. We are a bit like fools to be so locked into the mundane. Great poem. Best wishes.
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
-
The image is mine, yes - I took it through the train window after writing the poem. Nothing else seemed appropriate :-). Tha ks so much for the great review.
Mike
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
. . .and you did a great job writing on the train, Mike.
I enjoyed reading your well thought your well thought
out poem. I liked the good use of rhyme, the smooth
flow, and the message. Yes, so many live day to day
in the same ol' same ol'. It takes courage to break out
of that rut. Your image is supportive.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
|
. . .and you did a great job writing on the train, Mike.
I enjoyed reading your well thought your well thought
out poem. I liked the good use of rhyme, the smooth
flow, and the message. Yes, so many live day to day
in the same ol' same ol'. It takes courage to break out
of that rut. Your image is supportive.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
-
Thank you, Jan! If we take nothing else away from the inevitable monotony, at least we can write poems about it :-)
Mike
