Blessed Brother
The 13th26 total reviews
Comment from Douglas Goff
Okay, this was a long one, but well worth the read as it has a lot of action. The characters were also believable!
You are a creative fella, John.
Here is another twenty-six review. D
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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Okay, this was a long one, but well worth the read as it has a lot of action. The characters were also believable!
You are a creative fella, John.
Here is another twenty-six review. D
Comment Written 13-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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Thank you for bringing these up to the reward status, Douglas!
Comment from kahpot
What a wonderful read, I noticed (I have been away a while) your new post and wanted to start at the begging, the stories within this story are very intriguing and I look forward to catching up, very well written****kahpot
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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What a wonderful read, I noticed (I have been away a while) your new post and wanted to start at the begging, the stories within this story are very intriguing and I look forward to catching up, very well written****kahpot
Comment Written 09-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Thank you, kahpot. I appreciate you going back to catch up. I'm trying to keep up the momentum. I hope not to disappoint. Thank you again. It's nice to have you back. I hope all is well.
Comment from Jay Squires
Wow! So many twists and turns, John. And when I finished it, I didn't feel (as I often do with such stories) manipulated by the author ... well, with the one SMALL exception of my first comment below.
The three questions that ended the first scene followed by the first sentence in the next scene ("Everett had recently turned twenty-eight when his brother Thaddeus, ten years his senior ...") imply that the Medallion "worked" for Everett, without any resolution for the reader. I haven't read on yet to see if it will be resolved .... Okay, I have now finished the entire story. I DO feel that there was no reason to withold the information that Everett did "pull through" as an infant. It becomes obvious in the first sentence of the next scene, but I'm left with a lingering feeling that the author is witholding something from me. I hope I'm making myself clear here. To change nothing, doesn't change that it was a helluva great story.
In the distance, frantic voices [Needs a paragraph break.]
Thaddeus walked into the visitor's room and froze in place. [Paragraph space needed]
{Forgive Thaddeus, my Blessed Brother, and pray for my soul} [Still, she doesn't confess!]
It was one of twelve worn by His Apostles. [Personally, I don't think it's enough to simply capitalize the "H" in "his". To avoid confusion you might want to exchange it with "Jesus'" ]
Who was Alejandro's assistant, Cinthia? Why else would his assistant agree to his theft, unless she was his wife. If she is his wife, why not so indicate it.
This is a brilliant piece of organizational writing. So many things tied perfectly together.
So much to learn from.
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
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Wow! So many twists and turns, John. And when I finished it, I didn't feel (as I often do with such stories) manipulated by the author ... well, with the one SMALL exception of my first comment below.
The three questions that ended the first scene followed by the first sentence in the next scene ("Everett had recently turned twenty-eight when his brother Thaddeus, ten years his senior ...") imply that the Medallion "worked" for Everett, without any resolution for the reader. I haven't read on yet to see if it will be resolved .... Okay, I have now finished the entire story. I DO feel that there was no reason to withold the information that Everett did "pull through" as an infant. It becomes obvious in the first sentence of the next scene, but I'm left with a lingering feeling that the author is witholding something from me. I hope I'm making myself clear here. To change nothing, doesn't change that it was a helluva great story.
In the distance, frantic voices [Needs a paragraph break.]
Thaddeus walked into the visitor's room and froze in place. [Paragraph space needed]
{Forgive Thaddeus, my Blessed Brother, and pray for my soul} [Still, she doesn't confess!]
It was one of twelve worn by His Apostles. [Personally, I don't think it's enough to simply capitalize the "H" in "his". To avoid confusion you might want to exchange it with "Jesus'" ]
Who was Alejandro's assistant, Cinthia? Why else would his assistant agree to his theft, unless she was his wife. If she is his wife, why not so indicate it.
This is a brilliant piece of organizational writing. So many things tied perfectly together.
So much to learn from.
Comment Written 22-May-2022
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
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Thank you, Jay! I'm honored you've read this. I'm continuing this story in three or four parts. It was a bit too ambitious, and the characters needed to be able to explain themselves to a more significant degree. Stay tuned. I hope you come back to read. Thanks for the critique and comments. They were essential to the continuing saga.
Comment from dmt1967
This is a very powerful story and I liked the twist at the end. So, the priest was the father, that was interesting. This is a great and well written story and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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This is a very powerful story and I liked the twist at the end. So, the priest was the father, that was interesting. This is a great and well written story and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 21-May-2022
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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Thank you for your review and comments.
Comment from BeckyMann
I have zero knowledge of the bible, so I guess it is hard for me to be objective of a re-write, but I loved it! I loved how all the stories were melded together, and I hated the fact Thaddeus didn't get to speak his truth, but it's also what I kind of loved about it. Well done. Very enjoyable. Good luck.
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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I have zero knowledge of the bible, so I guess it is hard for me to be objective of a re-write, but I loved it! I loved how all the stories were melded together, and I hated the fact Thaddeus didn't get to speak his truth, but it's also what I kind of loved about it. Well done. Very enjoyable. Good luck.
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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Thank you so much, Becky. I appreciate your review and comments.
Comment from royowen
A great story, and it is most likely that this story has been repeated by various folk, not exactly the same, but the burden of forgiveness rests on all of us, but it shouldn't be a burden, it should be normal, unforgiveness does absolutely nothing but burden both its victims, beautifully written John, an excellent post, blessings Roy
Query : When they were alive and Everett?!?
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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A great story, and it is most likely that this story has been repeated by various folk, not exactly the same, but the burden of forgiveness rests on all of us, but it shouldn't be a burden, it should be normal, unforgiveness does absolutely nothing but burden both its victims, beautifully written John, an excellent post, blessings Roy
Query : When they were alive and Everett?!?
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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Thank you, Roy. I'm going to continue this one, so forgiveness may or may not be on the horizon for Thaddeus and Everett. Stay tuned. Thank you for the review, my friend
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I thought might be open ended. Great story
Comment from Whitewave
John,
Your story is quite a challenge to read but isn't life like that ?
Divine intelligence does work in mysterious ways and your clever use of language also has a mysterious impact on the reader.
The one I feel for most is 'Father' Everett who has lost touch with humanity through a life sentence in 'the church'.
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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John,
Your story is quite a challenge to read but isn't life like that ?
Divine intelligence does work in mysterious ways and your clever use of language also has a mysterious impact on the reader.
The one I feel for most is 'Father' Everett who has lost touch with humanity through a life sentence in 'the church'.
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 20-May-2022
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Thank you for your review and kind words. They are much appreciated.
Comment from Ulla
Hi John, this is a wonderful story and also a very complicated one. I think there's enough material here to write a book. There are so many plots to be explored. I loved it. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Hi John, this is a wonderful story and also a very complicated one. I think there's enough material here to write a book. There are so many plots to be explored. I loved it. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 19-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Hi, Ulla; yes, I'm writing as we speak (or write). I will have to continue this one to clear up some Character vagueness. Stay tuned. ;) thank you for the review and the validation. I wasn't sure at first if I should leave it.
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I'm so glad you're expanding this story. It has such a lot of potential, and it's well written. :)))
Comment from juliaSjames
I applaud your creative power, John. But I think the subject seems overly ambitious for a short story. Too many loose ends and contrived situations. Claudia was adopted but is still on good terms with her biological parents. Why did she turn to prostitution? Who has the medallion? Forty years for rape seems drastic since Claudia wasn't injured. I think you need to expand and delve into backstory
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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I applaud your creative power, John. But I think the subject seems overly ambitious for a short story. Too many loose ends and contrived situations. Claudia was adopted but is still on good terms with her biological parents. Why did she turn to prostitution? Who has the medallion? Forty years for rape seems drastic since Claudia wasn't injured. I think you need to expand and delve into backstory
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 19-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Hi, Julia, I agree with you, and I'm writing the continuation as we speak. The fact that Remi is with Claudia's parents is a mistake in my thought process, lol. I will have to go in and change that. Thank you for your validation on it being a bit too ambitious for a short. Stay tuned for part two. I'll use this as an intro to the bigger picture
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Gotcha!
Julia
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Yes, you did. I hope you will stay with me to read the continuation.
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I will John
You have a talent for this kind of writing that explores human nature and adds a tantalizing touch of mystic mystery
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Thank you, Julia!
Comment from Terry Broxson
Dang, John, the depth of your ability to create fiction is remarkable! This is a well-told tale. The only suggestion I have is that it seems a little odd that Claudia would have parents (presumably biological) taking care of her son raped by an adopted brother. It is not critical to the story but you might consider another way for the kid to be away...summer camp maybe? Exceptional work! Terry.
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Dang, John, the depth of your ability to create fiction is remarkable! This is a well-told tale. The only suggestion I have is that it seems a little odd that Claudia would have parents (presumably biological) taking care of her son raped by an adopted brother. It is not critical to the story but you might consider another way for the kid to be away...summer camp maybe? Exceptional work! Terry.
Comment Written 19-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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O shit! that is a great point, Terry. Thank you so much for that and the SIX. I definitely have to change that. I'll have to think. Don't be surprised if I use your summer camp! Hahahah
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LOL, I am the nonfiction, you are the fiction, I know you can do better! Terry.
