The verdict
Sometimes Justice comes in unusual forms.10 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
That is certainly a surprise ending, one that could never have been expected. This is a well-written story with the ultimate twist. You might want to add an apostrophe to Barry Cole(')s son. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
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That is certainly a surprise ending, one that could never have been expected. This is a well-written story with the ultimate twist. You might want to add an apostrophe to Barry Cole(')s son. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-May-2022
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
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Carol,
Once again thanks for taking time to review my story. Glad you enjoyed it and liked the ending. Thanks also for the correction tip.
Regards,
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Bridge
A very interesting story. I loved the ending of the story. It is difficult to write a flash because of the constraints of the word count but you have done a good job. All the best to you in the contest.
With regards
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
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A very interesting story. I loved the ending of the story. It is difficult to write a flash because of the constraints of the word count but you have done a good job. All the best to you in the contest.
With regards
Comment Written 21-May-2022
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
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Thanks for taking the time to read and review my story. I am glad you enjoyed it. Please take care and keep writing.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
I enjoyed this flash! You did a great job with the prompt as this is a good contest entry that did do well.
You were successful at building tension, then releasing at the end with a great twist.
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
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I enjoyed this flash! You did a great job with the prompt as this is a good contest entry that did do well.
You were successful at building tension, then releasing at the end with a great twist.
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
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Thanks for taking the time to read and review my story entry. Glad you enjoyed it. I was going with another ending but came up with the printed ending at the last minute. Seemed to work better.
Take care and have a good day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Barry, I hope this review finds you well. Thank you for sharing your flash fiction with us. To tell a story in so few words is a challenge that I think you executed well. Nice twist at the end. Good job!
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
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Hello Barry, I hope this review finds you well. Thank you for sharing your flash fiction with us. To tell a story in so few words is a challenge that I think you executed well. Nice twist at the end. Good job!
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
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I am well thanks. Again I thank you for reading and reviewing my story. Glad you enjoyed it. Take care and have a good day.
Regards
Barry.
Comment from royowen
Whoopee, God came through, which adds to the mystery surrounding Him, not quite revealed but to be discovered. This is brilliant, I love the ending, it is a perfect flash fiction, good luck Barry, blessings Roy
Typo : there was something strange(,)
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Whoopee, God came through, which adds to the mystery surrounding Him, not quite revealed but to be discovered. This is brilliant, I love the ending, it is a perfect flash fiction, good luck Barry, blessings Roy
Typo : there was something strange(,)
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Roy, thanks for your fantastic review. Yes, God came through. Lets see if the story comes through as a winner.
You have a great day and take care.
Cheers
Barry
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Well done
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Wow, what an ending. So unexpected, but well
written, Barry. You did a great job with your contest
entry. You had readers wondering the whole time
about the verdict--is he guilty or not--what will
the jury come back with. Then that confession changed
everything.
Best wishes, Jan
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Wow, what an ending. So unexpected, but well
written, Barry. You did a great job with your contest
entry. You had readers wondering the whole time
about the verdict--is he guilty or not--what will
the jury come back with. Then that confession changed
everything.
Best wishes, Jan
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Jan,
Once again thanks for taking time to review my entry.Glad you enjoyed it. I did have another finish but did not really like it. This one was better.
Take care and have a good day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold
Comment from jessizero
Okay, I did NOT see that twist ending coming. You told an engaging story in just 100 words, which is not easy to do. Thank you for sharing this here, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Okay, I did NOT see that twist ending coming. You told an engaging story in just 100 words, which is not easy to do. Thank you for sharing this here, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Thanks for taking the time to read and review my contest entry. Glad you like the twist. Have a good day and take care.
Barry Penfold.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
you may want to recheck this on the word count. I make it 148 and it needs to be exactly 150 to qualify.
three days of deliberation . - delete the space before the period.
Barry Coles son had given no - Coles'.
giving testamony ,could not- spacing here / testimony.
So what, Barry thought.- should probably have a ? in here.
That's quite a turnaround in the last line. Nice
GMG
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Hi there,
you may want to recheck this on the word count. I make it 148 and it needs to be exactly 150 to qualify.
three days of deliberation . - delete the space before the period.
Barry Coles son had given no - Coles'.
giving testamony ,could not- spacing here / testimony.
So what, Barry thought.- should probably have a ? in here.
That's quite a turnaround in the last line. Nice
GMG
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Thanks once again. You were correct about the word count. It is now rectified. Apparently, the word count is affected by my spacing errors.
In any event you have spared the waste of a story. Being eliminated on a technicality ( an important one )is so disappointing.
Have a great day.
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Fleedleflump
There's a solid sense of tension through this a we and Barry realise something's not quite standard about proceedings - that there's going to be an event. Loved the final line, giving us that twist and a conclusion at the same time.
spag notes:
'The judge had warned , that not giving evidence, could not be used as evidence of guilt.' - both commas can be removed
'Barry Coles son had given no evidence in his defense.' - need an apostrophe after Coles
The tight spacing made this challenging to read at times, but it's a minor thing.
I enjoyed the read.
Mike
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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There's a solid sense of tension through this a we and Barry realise something's not quite standard about proceedings - that there's going to be an event. Loved the final line, giving us that twist and a conclusion at the same time.
spag notes:
'The judge had warned , that not giving evidence, could not be used as evidence of guilt.' - both commas can be removed
'Barry Coles son had given no evidence in his defense.' - need an apostrophe after Coles
The tight spacing made this challenging to read at times, but it's a minor thing.
I enjoyed the read.
Mike
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Mike,
Thanks for taking time to read and review my entry. Really liked your suggestions. I did change the font to help out a bit.
Take care and have a great day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Jay Squires
I have a few initial suggestions. This should have a good chance in the contest, but you need to make some modifications. First, ALWAYS double space after each paragraph, and after each piece of dialogue. Not to do that will spoil your chance of winning because it simply makes it look sloppy. Secondly, go back into the edit mode, highlight the whole text and use a larger font size. For my plays I use 18 point. But especially with something as short as flash fiction you want to make it as easy to read and as enjoyable an experience as you can. You have so much going for you with an interesting plot idea and a good twist ending ... so why not stack the deck in your own interest?
More specifically, read the below comments and suggestions.
"Dad, I had nothing to do with it". [Dialogue punctuation belongs inside the quote mark.]
The judge had warned , that not giving evidence, could not be used as evidence of guilt. [Did you mean, "that not giving TESTAMONY could not be used as evidence of guilt." ?]
" Yes madam, what is the problem.?" [You have an extra space after the open quote and you don't need the period before the question mark at the end of the quote.]
"Your honor, I hold a secret. I was there. I am the murderer. [You left off the closed quote.]
Good luck in the contest.
Jay
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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I have a few initial suggestions. This should have a good chance in the contest, but you need to make some modifications. First, ALWAYS double space after each paragraph, and after each piece of dialogue. Not to do that will spoil your chance of winning because it simply makes it look sloppy. Secondly, go back into the edit mode, highlight the whole text and use a larger font size. For my plays I use 18 point. But especially with something as short as flash fiction you want to make it as easy to read and as enjoyable an experience as you can. You have so much going for you with an interesting plot idea and a good twist ending ... so why not stack the deck in your own interest?
More specifically, read the below comments and suggestions.
"Dad, I had nothing to do with it". [Dialogue punctuation belongs inside the quote mark.]
The judge had warned , that not giving evidence, could not be used as evidence of guilt. [Did you mean, "that not giving TESTAMONY could not be used as evidence of guilt." ?]
" Yes madam, what is the problem.?" [You have an extra space after the open quote and you don't need the period before the question mark at the end of the quote.]
"Your honor, I hold a secret. I was there. I am the murderer. [You left off the closed quote.]
Good luck in the contest.
Jay
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Jay,
Thanks for taking the time to read and review my entry. Loved your comments and I have made an edit covering those points you raised.
All the best and have a great day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold
