The Bridge
Everyone thinks there's time. That's not always the case.13 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
A great little flash fiction story Deb with a sad ending as she tries for one last phone call. I've found there is always something we think of that we should have said. Good luck inthe contest. Cheers Valda
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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A great little flash fiction story Deb with a sad ending as she tries for one last phone call. I've found there is always something we think of that we should have said. Good luck inthe contest. Cheers Valda
Comment Written 20-May-2022
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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Hi Valda! Hope all is well.
Thanks for reading and commenting. I agree - there's always something left unsaid, but hopefully it's a ittle something and not this big one.
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Carol Clark2
Great story. I love the ending, and I also love your advice in your notes. I like the simile you used, comparing last words with a blighted tree. Great comparison. Best wishes in the contest. Carol
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Great story. I love the ending, and I also love your advice in your notes. I like the simile you used, comparing last words with a blighted tree. Great comparison. Best wishes in the contest. Carol
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Thank you! I appreciate your kind words and the rating. :)
How's your project going? I remember it was a big one, but don't quite remember what it was. lol. I'm going to claim busy schedule rather than old-person brain! lol
Hope your May is going well.
Blessings,
Deb
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My project is writing a study guide. Thankfully the novel is not long; it's very slow typing with my arm still in a splint, but I'm making progress. Thanks for asking.
I hope your books are proceeding well. Have a blessed weekend.
Comment from Ulla
Wow, Debora, this is a dramatic story and so very sad in its harrowing end. You did very well with this, and I wish you the very best in the contest. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Wow, Debora, this is a dramatic story and so very sad in its harrowing end. You did very well with this, and I wish you the very best in the contest. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Thank you!
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
you may want to recheck your word count. I make it only 145. I think what is throwing the word counter off is the use of the ... which the counter counts as a word, but it's not.
"I loved your dad, Sybil, but he's --""- delete one of the sets of marks at the end of the dialogue.
She'd have been better off ripping out the headrest, breaking the glass and swimming out (that's what they're designed for!)
A good little piece, good strong emotions.
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Hi there,
you may want to recheck your word count. I make it only 145. I think what is throwing the word counter off is the use of the ... which the counter counts as a word, but it's not.
"I loved your dad, Sybil, but he's --""- delete one of the sets of marks at the end of the dialogue.
She'd have been better off ripping out the headrest, breaking the glass and swimming out (that's what they're designed for!)
A good little piece, good strong emotions.
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Thanks so much for that! I'll go do a count, as well, just to make sure.
I'm afraid my girl, Sybil, is like many who panic at a crisis. My uncle and I were talking about that last night over dinner as he relayed stories about how people responded to emergent situations when he was a firefighter. We do turn into idiots sometimes. :)
Not you or me, of course...
Thank you again.
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from LJbutterfly
This story is short, succinct, and you've made every word carry the story forward. You have dialogue, emotion, backstory and action, elements that make a good flash fiction story. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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This story is short, succinct, and you've made every word carry the story forward. You have dialogue, emotion, backstory and action, elements that make a good flash fiction story. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Thank you for your kind words! I appreciate the time you took to read and comment, especially with such in-depth thought.
Many thanks and blessings,
Deb
Comment from lyenochka
Dramatically told. You set the scene perfectly and then ended with a warning. All those times of regret without making things right only to try to make amends at life's end. It's very sad but very well told! I think this will do well in the contest!!
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Dramatically told. You set the scene perfectly and then ended with a warning. All those times of regret without making things right only to try to make amends at life's end. It's very sad but very well told! I think this will do well in the contest!!
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Thank you, my friend.
Blessings and hugs,
Deb
Comment from royowen
I think you've captured that moment, just before your main character was about to succumb to to the water, I like happy endings, the reality is if one holds one's breath, the door can be opened with equalised pressure, beautifully written Deb, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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I think you've captured that moment, just before your main character was about to succumb to to the water, I like happy endings, the reality is if one holds one's breath, the door can be opened with equalised pressure, beautifully written Deb, blessings Roy
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Hi Roy -
Thank you for reading. I didn't know that about car doors, but I live in West Texas. Not a lot of worry about drowning in my neck of the cactus. lol
Blessings,
Deb
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I agree
Comment from Jay Squires
You seemed to have tapped into the perfect balance of backstory and forward-moving plot and the hinged balance between self-righteousness and regret, to move the weary and wary committee. Great job, Debby
"I loved your dad, Sybil, but he's --"" [An unnecessary set of closing quotes.]
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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You seemed to have tapped into the perfect balance of backstory and forward-moving plot and the hinged balance between self-righteousness and regret, to move the weary and wary committee. Great job, Debby
"I loved your dad, Sybil, but he's --"" [An unnecessary set of closing quotes.]
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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I'll run fix that now. :)
Thank you!
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your contest entry is well presented, Deb.
The image was a good pairing. Your words
are smooth and filled with great imagery.
You are right about saying those words
as one never knows . . .
The FS counter is never accurate. Use one
maybe MS word's.
3rd sentence delete that strange character
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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Your contest entry is well presented, Deb.
The image was a good pairing. Your words
are smooth and filled with great imagery.
You are right about saying those words
as one never knows . . .
The FS counter is never accurate. Use one
maybe MS word's.
3rd sentence delete that strange character
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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What? A strange character in a FS post? Unimaginable! lol. Thanks for catching it. I'll zip over there now and zap it.
Blessings and hugs,
Deb
Comment from Carolyn Dooley
This was a well written story. And so sad. The person died from drowning in the water. I can just imagine what the person felt trying to open the door. Knowing they were going to die. Then the child calls her mother to say she loved her. Thank you for sharing your realistic sounding story.
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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This was a well written story. And so sad. The person died from drowning in the water. I can just imagine what the person felt trying to open the door. Knowing they were going to die. Then the child calls her mother to say she loved her. Thank you for sharing your realistic sounding story.
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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I"m so glad it's NOT real, at least not in my own life. But I've nearly blown the opportunity to find forgiveness or a new start with family members. I think that would be devistating.
Thank you for your kind words and review,
Blessings,
Deb
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You are welcome.
