Smile.
Say Cheese...Or Better yet...3 total reviews
Comment from Annette R.
Interesting, simple, seems to start a positive conversation. The hat the end and the way the conversation ended makes for a reason to know what happens. Spacing is good. A larger font would make it easier to read.
  |
Interesting, simple, seems to start a positive conversation. The hat the end and the way the conversation ended makes for a reason to know what happens. Spacing is good. A larger font would make it easier to read.
Comment Written 18-May-2022
Comment from Fleedleflump
I feel as though this is rushed towards the end, as we go from mixed prose to relatively bare dialogue. There are also a fair number of spaggies - missing capital letters, missing end quotes etc. I think if you do a quick edit pass you'll catch them but a bit numerous to specify here.
All that said, I really enjoyed this - I love how thoroughly miserable you make Frown Town sound - it's a comprehensively negative place! Enjoyed the rhyme and rhythmic prose sprinkled throughout. This was a lot of fun.
Mike
|
I feel as though this is rushed towards the end, as we go from mixed prose to relatively bare dialogue. There are also a fair number of spaggies - missing capital letters, missing end quotes etc. I think if you do a quick edit pass you'll catch them but a bit numerous to specify here.
All that said, I really enjoyed this - I love how thoroughly miserable you make Frown Town sound - it's a comprehensively negative place! Enjoyed the rhyme and rhythmic prose sprinkled throughout. This was a lot of fun.
Mike
Comment Written 17-May-2022
Comment from prettybluebirds
This sounds like the beginning of a terrific story. It sure is different and I truly enjoyed reading it. I will most certainly watch for the rest of this story. I wish you worlds of luck in the contest.
 |
This sounds like the beginning of a terrific story. It sure is different and I truly enjoyed reading it. I will most certainly watch for the rest of this story. I wish you worlds of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-May-2022
