Tucker at the Trocadero (Part-2)
A cantankerous Tucker verses an evil Farnsworth.32 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I really like this novel. Good story line.
"What--Tammy," Tuck asked? (TRY --
"What--Tammy?" Tuck asked.)
Tuck cleared his throat and smiled, "I (period after 'smiled')
"Oh, okay, I get it--" she said, staring a whole through Tuck. (hole???)
Tuck was the closest example of a Father Tammy had ever known. (lower case 'f' on 'father')
The next morning, sunrise flickered through the trees (The following morning)
"And why would you say that Sir?" & "What makes you say that Sir?" (in both sentences a comma is needed after 'that')
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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I really like this novel. Good story line.
"What--Tammy," Tuck asked? (TRY --
"What--Tammy?" Tuck asked.)
Tuck cleared his throat and smiled, "I (period after 'smiled')
"Oh, okay, I get it--" she said, staring a whole through Tuck. (hole???)
Tuck was the closest example of a Father Tammy had ever known. (lower case 'f' on 'father')
The next morning, sunrise flickered through the trees (The following morning)
"And why would you say that Sir?" & "What makes you say that Sir?" (in both sentences a comma is needed after 'that')
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Thank you so much, Barbara, for your generous review, suggestions, and kind words. I have already fixed most of your suggestions, before getting your review. Most are goofy mistakes, just like I usually make, because I write too fast and don't go back to edit and polish, other than a quick read over. Plus, I use lots of fragments on purpose trying to kind of characterize the narrator. Someone just told me that I do it too much, so I guess, I'll have to tone it down a little. LOL. Thanks for your help and encouragement. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from nomi338
This was such an enjoyable read, I am saddened by the announcement that you are abandoning the goal of a book. I believe all that enjoy this story as I clearly do, are going to come up short in that we will not get as much story as we would like. Still with that being said, I am totally enjoying what you are giving us.
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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This was such an enjoyable read, I am saddened by the announcement that you are abandoning the goal of a book. I believe all that enjoy this story as I clearly do, are going to come up short in that we will not get as much story as we would like. Still with that being said, I am totally enjoying what you are giving us.
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Thank you so much, Nomi, for another of your outstanding reviews that always encourage and make my week. I wake up every morning hoping to put a smile on someone's face: the same happy face that you always put on mine with your wonderful reviews! I appreciate You!
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Aw gee, thanks my man.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Your story is worth seven stars easily. It's the grammar that lets it down a bit . e.g.
Formerly, the infamous Trocadero Club ballroom, restaurant, and gambling establishment from the 1940s through 1960s, before the multi-million-dollar bust closed it down. > something fishy about this sentence...
but I remembered your review for my 5-7-5 in G, that grammar is for those who have nothing to say... so I chose to split the difference, and come down on the side of brilliance. You deserve it.
I am working on how to make writing a book faster and less tedious. Others have gone before me and proved it can be done (not trying to push you or anything, but it's so wonderful when you do post... I am so thankful I found that story of your ride in a light plane in that contest we both entered. Kate xx
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Your story is worth seven stars easily. It's the grammar that lets it down a bit . e.g.
Formerly, the infamous Trocadero Club ballroom, restaurant, and gambling establishment from the 1940s through 1960s, before the multi-million-dollar bust closed it down. > something fishy about this sentence...
but I remembered your review for my 5-7-5 in G, that grammar is for those who have nothing to say... so I chose to split the difference, and come down on the side of brilliance. You deserve it.
I am working on how to make writing a book faster and less tedious. Others have gone before me and proved it can be done (not trying to push you or anything, but it's so wonderful when you do post... I am so thankful I found that story of your ride in a light plane in that contest we both entered. Kate xx
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Thank you so much, Kate, for your extra-special six-star review and kind words that have me smiling ear to ear. I keep rereading that "fishy" sentence, but to my ears it says exactly what I intended. However, I confess, as you already know, that grammar and my eyes can fool me as often as not. LOL. I so appreciate your continued encouragement and kind review. I appreciate YOU!
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To me there's a verb missing something like
either the infamous T C comprised...
or establishment thrived from
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but who am I to judge?
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I think I might have reviewed the first chapter, but if you posted it when I went on the trip to St George I could have missed it. I have to baby my eyes, but I will check on it. This was well done, Ric. Carry on...Nancy:)
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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I think I might have reviewed the first chapter, but if you posted it when I went on the trip to St George I could have missed it. I have to baby my eyes, but I will check on it. This was well done, Ric. Carry on...Nancy:)
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Thank you so much, Nancy, for your extra-special six-star review and kind encouragement. Readers either relate with my quirky characters or get lost in the shuffle. I'm always glad when those like you who I read and enjoy regularly have fun and come along for the ride. I appreciate YOU!
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Yes I did review the first chapter. Well done. Nancy
Comment from R. Marc Goodson
This is a very long chapter, but the action moves fast and the read itself is easy to follow. I have a couple of comments. You wrote: " A front for Daniel Farnsworth's private cardroom and bank-sized safe chocked full of cash." 'chocked', is the past tense of chock (filled to overflowing.)
And..."Tucker's memory likely wandered back in time: when one bad joke had destroyed two good peoples' lives. When a fraternity brother had hidden a pair of lacy-pink panties under the driver-side seat of T. D.'s new Eldorado convertible--recently purchased with his huge signing bonus--from the then, Cleveland Browns." You might want to delete the colon and create a single sentence. 'Tucker's memory likely wandered back to the time when..." (Also, drop 'likely' as it's unnecessary. Either he recalled it or he didn't. )
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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This is a very long chapter, but the action moves fast and the read itself is easy to follow. I have a couple of comments. You wrote: " A front for Daniel Farnsworth's private cardroom and bank-sized safe chocked full of cash." 'chocked', is the past tense of chock (filled to overflowing.)
And..."Tucker's memory likely wandered back in time: when one bad joke had destroyed two good peoples' lives. When a fraternity brother had hidden a pair of lacy-pink panties under the driver-side seat of T. D.'s new Eldorado convertible--recently purchased with his huge signing bonus--from the then, Cleveland Browns." You might want to delete the colon and create a single sentence. 'Tucker's memory likely wandered back to the time when..." (Also, drop 'likely' as it's unnecessary. Either he recalled it or he didn't. )
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Thank you so much, R. Marc Goodson, for taking time to read my chapter and I apologize for it being so long. I try to keep most posts around 1,500 words, but occasionally I just can't fit everything into a comfortable stopping place. Plus, most people who read me regularly understand that I don't post often, as I spend most of my free time reading other's post. I appreciate any and all suggestions, as Lord knows, I need all the help I can get. LOL. I used "chocked" intentionally, because I was expressing "filled to overflowing." I'll take another look that the other sentence you brought to mind and consider your suggested fixes. But I used "likely" because how could I know whether he recalled it or not? He isn't writing the story, so I used likely to express that the narrator wasn't sure but thought. I appreciate your review and I'll be looking to read some of your post. Thanks a ton!
Comment from jenintorre
Wow. What a great read. You are a genius Ric. This is such a well written and fast paced story. Your descriptions are excellent it is so atmospheric.
I particularly liked - humming bird sized mosquitos, cute litt,e bubble butt and madder than a wet hen.
Great ending. Another contender for story of the month.
Take care. Jen.
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Wow. What a great read. You are a genius Ric. This is such a well written and fast paced story. Your descriptions are excellent it is so atmospheric.
I particularly liked - humming bird sized mosquitos, cute litt,e bubble butt and madder than a wet hen.
Great ending. Another contender for story of the month.
Take care. Jen.
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Jen, my dear, you always make me smile, whether it's reading your your witty and entertaining posts, or your kind and generous review that encourages old hacks like me to keep writing. You've made my week with your extra-special review and comments. Here's a big hug and a little peck on the forehead! I appreciate YOU!
Comment from Judy Lawless
It's been so long since you posted the first chapter of this, Ric, I'd forgotten about it. This is an awesome continuation. Your character building and imagery are perfect. I'd really like to give you a six, but, unfortunately, a lot of sentence structure editing is needed. Here goes:
"The day the office was set up (and) he moved in." - remove the "and", otherwise it's an incomplete sentence.
"Tucker pulled(,) in angling across..."
"An army of hummingbird-sized Mosquitos inflicting(inflicted) itchy, raised, quarter-sized welts."
T.D., the tall, Hollywood handsome, Big Ten football star had become a prominent thoroughbred horse trainer after college.(,) Although(but) time and bad choices had taken their tole..." - this needs to be made into one sentence because the second one is incomplete.
(He was now frail...) "Frail, grey skinned, with glow-in-the-dark yellow liver-jaundiced eyes and nicotine-stained teeth." - what I've put in in brackets needs to be added to make this a complete sentence. Make sure your sentences include a verb.
"Tucker's memory likely wandered back in time:(to) when one bad joke had destroyed two good peoples' lives.(;to when) When a fraternity brother had hidden a pair of lacy-pink panties..." - make this one complete sentence by changing the period to a comma and adding 'when'
"to catch a glimpse of the panties (peeking) from under the seat's front edge." - without the verb peeking, it sounds like Claudia was watching from under the seat.
"...stool at the bar.(, the) The only open seat..." - again make this one complete sentence by replacing the period with a comma and taking the capital off 'the'
"...to knock off the edge(.) (They were desperate) Desperate to find a winner and recoup the previous day's losses. - the noun and verb are needed to complete the sentence
"Tucker's attention:(,) adding a... - replace the colon with a comma
"...twitching like bait on the end of a flyrod.(,) Every bug-eyed bass or trout waiting for the hook to be set." - replace the period with a comma, making it one sentence.
"What--Tammy," Tuck asked?" - not dash needed here. Just put the question mark after 'Tammy'
Tammy was "red faced and madder than a wet hen." - single quotation marks here to distinguish from the dialogue
"Oh, okay, I get it--" she said - replaced the dash with a comma
"Tucker (was) the perfect example." - add the verb to make it a complete sentence
"(He was) A private detective. Determined to bust his devilish, no-qualms-about-killing boss, rather than clearing the cases he'd been hired to solve." - start sentence with 'He was and remove the period after 'detective' to make it a complete sentence
"Mascara melting down her face like candle wax.(,) (made her) An Alice Copper or Marilyn Manson lookalike." - again, one complete sentence.
"(Like Perpetrators on a mission.(,) Two bandits and the commander sped in before the smoke cleared. In and out within seconds.(they were) Gone as quickly as they had come.(;) An indicative clue that robbing the bar was secondary."
"What makes you say that Sir?" //Tucker laughed and shook his head..." - slashes indicate a paragraph break required.
"Tucker knew Farnsworth wanted to sell the nearly decapitated bodies as casualties of stepping on the wrong toes.(,) Billboarding merciless reprisal against all who cross him." - one complete sentence
These are only suggestions, Ric. Others may have different ones and sometimes books become accepted with no punctuation at all, so my word isn't necessary the end-all.
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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It's been so long since you posted the first chapter of this, Ric, I'd forgotten about it. This is an awesome continuation. Your character building and imagery are perfect. I'd really like to give you a six, but, unfortunately, a lot of sentence structure editing is needed. Here goes:
"The day the office was set up (and) he moved in." - remove the "and", otherwise it's an incomplete sentence.
"Tucker pulled(,) in angling across..."
"An army of hummingbird-sized Mosquitos inflicting(inflicted) itchy, raised, quarter-sized welts."
T.D., the tall, Hollywood handsome, Big Ten football star had become a prominent thoroughbred horse trainer after college.(,) Although(but) time and bad choices had taken their tole..." - this needs to be made into one sentence because the second one is incomplete.
(He was now frail...) "Frail, grey skinned, with glow-in-the-dark yellow liver-jaundiced eyes and nicotine-stained teeth." - what I've put in in brackets needs to be added to make this a complete sentence. Make sure your sentences include a verb.
"Tucker's memory likely wandered back in time:(to) when one bad joke had destroyed two good peoples' lives.(;to when) When a fraternity brother had hidden a pair of lacy-pink panties..." - make this one complete sentence by changing the period to a comma and adding 'when'
"to catch a glimpse of the panties (peeking) from under the seat's front edge." - without the verb peeking, it sounds like Claudia was watching from under the seat.
"...stool at the bar.(, the) The only open seat..." - again make this one complete sentence by replacing the period with a comma and taking the capital off 'the'
"...to knock off the edge(.) (They were desperate) Desperate to find a winner and recoup the previous day's losses. - the noun and verb are needed to complete the sentence
"Tucker's attention:(,) adding a... - replace the colon with a comma
"...twitching like bait on the end of a flyrod.(,) Every bug-eyed bass or trout waiting for the hook to be set." - replace the period with a comma, making it one sentence.
"What--Tammy," Tuck asked?" - not dash needed here. Just put the question mark after 'Tammy'
Tammy was "red faced and madder than a wet hen." - single quotation marks here to distinguish from the dialogue
"Oh, okay, I get it--" she said - replaced the dash with a comma
"Tucker (was) the perfect example." - add the verb to make it a complete sentence
"(He was) A private detective. Determined to bust his devilish, no-qualms-about-killing boss, rather than clearing the cases he'd been hired to solve." - start sentence with 'He was and remove the period after 'detective' to make it a complete sentence
"Mascara melting down her face like candle wax.(,) (made her) An Alice Copper or Marilyn Manson lookalike." - again, one complete sentence.
"(Like Perpetrators on a mission.(,) Two bandits and the commander sped in before the smoke cleared. In and out within seconds.(they were) Gone as quickly as they had come.(;) An indicative clue that robbing the bar was secondary."
"What makes you say that Sir?" //Tucker laughed and shook his head..." - slashes indicate a paragraph break required.
"Tucker knew Farnsworth wanted to sell the nearly decapitated bodies as casualties of stepping on the wrong toes.(,) Billboarding merciless reprisal against all who cross him." - one complete sentence
These are only suggestions, Ric. Others may have different ones and sometimes books become accepted with no punctuation at all, so my word isn't necessary the end-all.
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Thank you so much Judy, my dear, for all the time that you spent helping me polish up my usual grammatical mess. You have pointed out some changes that need to be made immediately. Once you've read more of my posts, you'll find that many times I intentionally use a lot of fragments in expressing the personality of the narrator and how I want what he/she is saying to come across. I've picked this bad habit up from "Joyce, Fowler, and the DeLillo's, etcetera, of the world." Of course, when they do it, it's a great writer saying poo poo to grammar. When I do it, I look like a fool. LOL. Many times I choose to leave out the was, were, and they, figuring that most readers will easily understand what I'm trying to get across. Sometimes, I prefer the staccato over the smooth flowing ripples. Thank you so much for your wonderful review and the generosity and time for such detailed suggestions. I certainly appreciate every word!
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You are most welcome. Like I said, there are some popular writers who succeed without following the rules, and I was hesitant to suggest fixing the incomplete sentences, because they flow nicely anyway. If that was your intent, go with it. My old school learning made me feel I needed to point it out though. Lol
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Judy, my dear, I always appreciate anyone willing to step up and try to be helpful. And the good Lord knows I need all the help I can get. LOL. I've gotten in a habit of using fragments a lot because some of my favorite authors do it successfully. But if I'm using so many that it disrupts followers' reading experiences, then it's time to rethink them. I didn't make all the changes exactly as you suggested, but I did rework the sentences so that they weren't fragments. All but a couple. Most of the other blunders were typical me, writing way to fast and not proofing other than a quick read over. I need to rethink that too. It's just my least favorite element of the writing process. LOL. Thank you again for all your time and hard work to help make me a better writer. Happy Mother's Day! And tell your children that you also helped a wayward old child path on the right path today. I appreciate YOU! Ric
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That is so sweet of you to say, Ric. You?ve put a smile on my face. I?m happy to be of help.
Comment from BethShelby
I enjoyed this rather violent story. It has been a while sense you posted the first one, but I'm glad you're continuing it. So what more important things prevents you from embarking on the tedious project of producing a book or is it all about patience. If you want to finish it sooner, I'll be looking for it. Just don't wait so long that I've forgotten about those suspended bodies. You are an excellent story teller and I can't wait.
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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I enjoyed this rather violent story. It has been a while sense you posted the first one, but I'm glad you're continuing it. So what more important things prevents you from embarking on the tedious project of producing a book or is it all about patience. If you want to finish it sooner, I'll be looking for it. Just don't wait so long that I've forgotten about those suspended bodies. You are an excellent story teller and I can't wait.
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Thank you so much, Beth, for your extra-special six-star review and kind words. Yes, I need to either stop writing all together or post often enough so that readers can remember the previous posts. I just get sided tracked doing something else. LOL. I appreciate our encouraging review from someone I enjoying reading every day. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from rockinm76233
I'll return the favor with six stars. I love a mystery. why not do a book? It's not a big deal. I have written 20 +. didn't say they were all bestsellers, but certainly will keep you entertained for a while. Yours would do the same I bet.
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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I'll return the favor with six stars. I love a mystery. why not do a book? It's not a big deal. I have written 20 +. didn't say they were all bestsellers, but certainly will keep you entertained for a while. Yours would do the same I bet.
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Thank you so much, Rockin'M, for your extra-special six-star review and kind words. I enjoy reading your books every day, but for me, my attention span gets sidetracked and drifts off to Never Never Land, maybe it's ADD. LOL. I appreciate YOU, and your encouraging review!
Comment from Brett Matthew West
An offer he couldn't refuse - grabs attention and makes reader want to know what's up with that.
Talk about a double-cross, Tucker nailing Farnsworth's dirty deeds.
hummingbird-sized Mosquitos, no need to capitalize Mosquitos.
What a description of TD.
As the ending says better tie on tight. This could be one wild ride.
Definitely want to read more!
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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An offer he couldn't refuse - grabs attention and makes reader want to know what's up with that.
Talk about a double-cross, Tucker nailing Farnsworth's dirty deeds.
hummingbird-sized Mosquitos, no need to capitalize Mosquitos.
What a description of TD.
As the ending says better tie on tight. This could be one wild ride.
Definitely want to read more!
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Thank you so much, Brett Matthew, for your extra-special six-star review and kind words. Another of my fragment plastered spoofs with quirky characters, maybe I pattern them after myself. LOL. I can't thank you enough for your wonderful and encouraging review and comments. It's always a pleasure to read your posts, and receive your motivating review. I appreciate YOU!
