Hide the Salami
an 80-word story13 total reviews
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
As far as nasty games, I'm not sure if something like this actually happens in life. Whatever it is, I'm not a jokester so I was thinking, beware of the fellow who mailed the envelope. A crime scene perhaps?
reply by the author on 07-May-2022
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As far as nasty games, I'm not sure if something like this actually happens in life. Whatever it is, I'm not a jokester so I was thinking, beware of the fellow who mailed the envelope. A crime scene perhaps?
Comment Written 06-May-2022
reply by the author on 07-May-2022
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Perhaps.
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Perhaps.
Comment from Mia Twysted
Why would he want to mail it to the police? To frame someone. There are so many ways this story could end and at that end, it can also be a new beginning to another story.
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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Why would he want to mail it to the police? To frame someone. There are so many ways this story could end and at that end, it can also be a new beginning to another story.
Comment Written 06-May-2022
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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I had three thoughts for the ending. One was he sends the video and bloody knife to his wife after killing his brother. Another was sending it to his brother after offing the wife. I settled for the police as with the weapon and the film as explanation after killing them both.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a wonderfully-paced Flash Fiction. Having elements of both horror and humour it is extremely unusual. Furthermore, it is very well-crafted. It deserves to win this contest of the entries I have read so far.
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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This is a wonderfully-paced Flash Fiction. Having elements of both horror and humour it is extremely unusual. Furthermore, it is very well-crafted. It deserves to win this contest of the entries I have read so far.
Comment Written 06-May-2022
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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Thank you, Kate. Carnal knowledge and campy horror.
Comment from Kim Kinakin Tuckey
This is a very interesting read. I did not expect the twist at the end. And the bonus alternate endings. I wish you Good luck in the contest. Have a great day!
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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This is a very interesting read. I did not expect the twist at the end. And the bonus alternate endings. I wish you Good luck in the contest. Have a great day!
Comment Written 06-May-2022
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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Thanks, Kim
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This sounds like a sexual assault and a murder being committed here and it is all recorded on film. I did not expect this when I read the title of this piece, good luck with it, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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This sounds like a sexual assault and a murder being committed here and it is all recorded on film. I did not expect this when I read the title of this piece, good luck with it, love Dolly x
Comment Written 06-May-2022
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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Thank you, Dolly
Comment from Wendy G
Well told tale of infidelity - and murder! You recounted it well, and with a suitable twist at the end. You have allowed the reader to think and draw the conclusion. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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Well told tale of infidelity - and murder! You recounted it well, and with a suitable twist at the end. You have allowed the reader to think and draw the conclusion. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 06-May-2022
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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Thank you, Wendy
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is an unexpectedly dark story. At first I wondered whose blood was on the knife...the wife, or the brother. But after reading your author note, I realized you left it to the reader to decide. Well, this is what flash is all about. It's supposed to leave the reader thinking. This is well done, and I wish you the best in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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This is an unexpectedly dark story. At first I wondered whose blood was on the knife...the wife, or the brother. But after reading your author note, I realized you left it to the reader to decide. Well, this is what flash is all about. It's supposed to leave the reader thinking. This is well done, and I wish you the best in the contest.
Comment Written 06-May-2022
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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Thank you, LJ
Comment from royowen
The secret of writing a flash fiction is in the ending, because one doesn't have much room to move, so this this and excellent example of that, good job, good luck, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 05-May-2022
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The secret of writing a flash fiction is in the ending, because one doesn't have much room to move, so this this and excellent example of that, good job, good luck, blessings Roy
Comment Written 05-May-2022
reply by the author on 05-May-2022
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Thank you, Roy
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A pleasure
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Eighty words is tough.
So who's dead? Can't be wife if she's a potential mail recipient. Or brother, Gabe, for the same reason. And why mail it to the police? If he is going to dispose of a body, then why? If not dispose of the body, then just leave it to be found.
Sorry, I don't get it?
Or is that the scheme?
Best wishes and good luck.
reply by the author on 05-May-2022
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Eighty words is tough.
So who's dead? Can't be wife if she's a potential mail recipient. Or brother, Gabe, for the same reason. And why mail it to the police? If he is going to dispose of a body, then why? If not dispose of the body, then just leave it to be found.
Sorry, I don't get it?
Or is that the scheme?
Best wishes and good luck.
Comment Written 05-May-2022
reply by the author on 05-May-2022
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Did not mean to confuse you, Wayne. The chosen ending has the killer sending the weapon and reason to the police. A alternative would be Gabe getting his wang whacked and evidence sent to Sheila. Another possible ending would be killing Sheila and letting Gabe know why.
With further revision I would probably include Gabe*s Johnson if sending to Sheila.
I will stretch this out to a hundred words after the contest.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Ah yes, the old 'hide the salami' game. I have played it many times. Everything sounded very familiar; until I came to the end.
To be straight; Guy's brother Gabe, made it with Guy's wife Sheila, and someone taped it. Gabe left right away so I don't think it was him. I'm pretty sure Sheila would not have taped it unless she was trying to harass her husband. That leaves Guy.
I think Guy had it set up because he suspicioned his wife. Guy got the tape and reviewed it to affirm his suspicions then he... what did he do with the knife? Cut off Gabe's 'salami?' Kill his wife, Sheila? Kill Gabe? I think I would have cut off the salami thing.
Fun, quick read. As far as alternate endings I like 'mailed it to his wife'. This considering that he probably either killed Gabe or cut his 'salami' off.
Thanks for the quick minute of sleuthing.
reply by the author on 05-May-2022
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Ah yes, the old 'hide the salami' game. I have played it many times. Everything sounded very familiar; until I came to the end.
To be straight; Guy's brother Gabe, made it with Guy's wife Sheila, and someone taped it. Gabe left right away so I don't think it was him. I'm pretty sure Sheila would not have taped it unless she was trying to harass her husband. That leaves Guy.
I think Guy had it set up because he suspicioned his wife. Guy got the tape and reviewed it to affirm his suspicions then he... what did he do with the knife? Cut off Gabe's 'salami?' Kill his wife, Sheila? Kill Gabe? I think I would have cut off the salami thing.
Fun, quick read. As far as alternate endings I like 'mailed it to his wife'. This considering that he probably either killed Gabe or cut his 'salami' off.
Thanks for the quick minute of sleuthing.
Comment Written 05-May-2022
reply by the author on 05-May-2022
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Thanks, Gary, for the fun with sex and murder review. The limited word count meant having to leave a lot of the story to the readers. I envisioned the wife and brother filming themselves, but having the clip find its way to Guy. Someone paid dearly. I initially had the envelope sent to the cops, changed it to the wife, then the brother. I eventually went back to the police.