Comment from GARY MACLEAN

Excellent

This sounds exactly like a recurring dream I had as a kid. I finally met her and we are now married for 28 years. I like it. Perfect satisfaction of the line and syllable count and the don't rhyme consideration yet you tell an understandable story. Nicely done.

 Comment Written 13-May-2022

---

reply by the author on 13-May-2022

great. glad to meet someone else who married their dream girl. My story appears in the book, "Dreams and the Unexplainable" by the CHicken Soup for the Soul publishers. Published in 2019. In that book there were a few other similar stories. spooky eh?

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Excellent entry for the cinquain tanka contest. Good syllables count and connection between lines. The presentation is nice. The poem's flow is well done.

Gypsy

 Comment Written 06-May-2022

---

reply by the author on 06-May-2022

thanks appreciate it

Comment from Bill Schott

Good

This cinquain tanka, Dream Girl, has the proper formatting, but, with limited wording, overuses both "dream" and "night". I suggest finding synonyms avoid that.

 Comment Written 04-May-2022

---

reply by the author on 05-May-2022

hmm good catch

Comment from LisaD123

Excellent

This is a very enjoyable read and the images that it conjures up are very powerful. I wondered if the 'at night' in line 3 could be replaced with another phrase to avoid repetition: for example, another adverb like 'deeply' or 'clearly'. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 04-May-2022

---

reply by the author on 05-May-2022

good catch