baby blue eyes
Alliterations in 8-word contest3 total reviews
Comment from tempeste
Ciao Marco!
I love the idea and the picture you seek to create.
That said ....
I read your poem in my head and aloud and the second half ( at least for me) doesn't flow as well.
Just a suggestion :
Beautiful butterfly suckles on sweet Baby Blue Eyes
If you are adamant to use the word nectar ( instead of sweet)
Beautiful butterfly suckles nectar from Baby Blue Eyes.
PS: after reading your version 1/2 a dozen times , it actually flowed better.
( but how many will takes the time to read a poem more than twice??)
reply by the author on 04-May-2022
Ciao Marco!
I love the idea and the picture you seek to create.
That said ....
I read your poem in my head and aloud and the second half ( at least for me) doesn't flow as well.
Just a suggestion :
Beautiful butterfly suckles on sweet Baby Blue Eyes
If you are adamant to use the word nectar ( instead of sweet)
Beautiful butterfly suckles nectar from Baby Blue Eyes.
PS: after reading your version 1/2 a dozen times , it actually flowed better.
( but how many will takes the time to read a poem more than twice??)
Comment Written 04-May-2022
reply by the author on 04-May-2022
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Your idea spurred me to review my wording. Your idea was good, but I chose a different path.
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As far as I know butterflies drink or sip nectar ...NURSE seems out of context here to me.
I thought the flow in the SECOND part was jerky/not smooth instead you edited the first section which I liked.
Anyway, the main thing is that you are happy.
Ciao!
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello mystery poet a Good day to you, I hope this finds you well. I liked your 8 word Poem contest entry, you executed it well. Good job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-May-2022
Hello mystery poet a Good day to you, I hope this finds you well. I liked your 8 word Poem contest entry, you executed it well. Good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-May-2022
reply by the author on 03-May-2022
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Thanks Poet!
Pleased with your favorable review for this contest entry.
Comment from Cecilia R
Your poem about baby blue eyes has a very nice flow to it. The picture is beautiful and compliments your poem. I like how your choice of words creates a poetic sound when read. Good luck.
Cecilia
reply by the author on 03-May-2022
Your poem about baby blue eyes has a very nice flow to it. The picture is beautiful and compliments your poem. I like how your choice of words creates a poetic sound when read. Good luck.
Cecilia
Comment Written 03-May-2022
reply by the author on 03-May-2022
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Cecelia,
Thank you for that compliment about my word choices. Since I don?t write long verses, I need to be concise in my word selection. My poetry wheelhouse is most exclusively in the 5-7-5 syllable format. I dropped a few syllables to enter this contest (-;