If I Could Turn Back Time
A short story about a mother's regrets of smoking cigarettes6 total reviews
Comment from jessizero
I have never smoked a cigarette, but it sounds like a terrible thing to have to go through. I am sorry that you were caught up in that. You are very fortunate to have been able to give it up. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 04-May-2022
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I have never smoked a cigarette, but it sounds like a terrible thing to have to go through. I am sorry that you were caught up in that. You are very fortunate to have been able to give it up. Best wishes.
Comment Written 03-May-2022
reply by the author on 04-May-2022
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Thank you for your thoughts. I am one of those fortunate beings, just wish I'd made the changes in my life sooner.
Comment from Haylee Hemphill
Hello!
I am someone who struggles with nicotine addiction. Although I have been doing pretty well, I am so ashamed that I have put my body through so much at such a young age. Thank you for sharing!
One Love
Haylee
reply by the author on 04-May-2022
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Hello!
I am someone who struggles with nicotine addiction. Although I have been doing pretty well, I am so ashamed that I have put my body through so much at such a young age. Thank you for sharing!
One Love
Haylee
Comment Written 02-May-2022
reply by the author on 04-May-2022
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Knowing one has an addiction to nicotine is your first step. Stay positive, the day will come when you know it is time to set them aside forever. Thank you for your reply.
Comment from LisaMay
Stylistically, I got a bit lost in your many lengthy sentences and I was itching to suggest breaking them up and punctuating more. (For instance, your very first sentence begins as a question, but morphs into a long sentence without a question mark.) However, your engaging conversational delivery suits the story and reveals your background well.
And what a story you tell regarding health and inflicting 'child abuse' of second-hand smoke! This should be a cautionary tale for any smoker to quit fast. Better late than never.
reply by the author on 04-May-2022
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Stylistically, I got a bit lost in your many lengthy sentences and I was itching to suggest breaking them up and punctuating more. (For instance, your very first sentence begins as a question, but morphs into a long sentence without a question mark.) However, your engaging conversational delivery suits the story and reveals your background well.
And what a story you tell regarding health and inflicting 'child abuse' of second-hand smoke! This should be a cautionary tale for any smoker to quit fast. Better late than never.
Comment Written 01-May-2022
reply by the author on 04-May-2022
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Sometimes I do get ahead of myself and just ramble on because it is so intense within me just how I feel. I'll try and slow down a bit and see what kind of outcome I can accomplish. Thank you for your words.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your story for the contest is intense, but well written.
You gave readers pertinent details about the smoking
situation, I've read that cigarette makers put stuff in
them to make people become addicted and continue
to buy more.
Best wishes in the contest.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 04-May-2022
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Your story for the contest is intense, but well written.
You gave readers pertinent details about the smoking
situation, I've read that cigarette makers put stuff in
them to make people become addicted and continue
to buy more.
Best wishes in the contest.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 01-May-2022
reply by the author on 04-May-2022
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Yes, intense it was, and still is when I find myself in those moments of remembering the reason for the consequences I suffer continually with today.
Comment from K. Lang-Slattery
You have written an interesting story of a teen girl and how she began to smoke. I am personally not a fan of the long rambling style, but I think that must be the way you intended to write this. Lots of potential, but for me it need some further editing. A few suggestions:
. "and(,) I guess you could say,... however the sentence would be better without this parenthetical comment. Though I see that the rest of the piece is written with the same, casual and conversational voice, so I can be ok.
. . . "it just wasn't something that had ever crossed my mind to do." I suggest you go over each sentence an try to get rid of unnecessary words. Ex. "it wasn't something that crossed my mind."
. paragraph 3 is one long run-on sentence. Is this what you wanted? How does it help your story. In fact, if that's not what started you smoking, why is it part of this story?
reply by the author on 04-May-2022
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You have written an interesting story of a teen girl and how she began to smoke. I am personally not a fan of the long rambling style, but I think that must be the way you intended to write this. Lots of potential, but for me it need some further editing. A few suggestions:
. "and(,) I guess you could say,... however the sentence would be better without this parenthetical comment. Though I see that the rest of the piece is written with the same, casual and conversational voice, so I can be ok.
. . . "it just wasn't something that had ever crossed my mind to do." I suggest you go over each sentence an try to get rid of unnecessary words. Ex. "it wasn't something that crossed my mind."
. paragraph 3 is one long run-on sentence. Is this what you wanted? How does it help your story. In fact, if that's not what started you smoking, why is it part of this story?
Comment Written 01-May-2022
reply by the author on 04-May-2022
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Thank you for your thoughts on this, they make sense, and I will check my work more closely before putting it out there from here on.
Comment from Wendy G
This is a very honest, and very realistic account of your cigarette smoking journey, and your entry into it. You have been able to self evaluate and have regrets about the damage to yourself and others. You have expressed your thoughts with skill. Well done.
Wendy
reply by the author on 04-May-2022
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This is a very honest, and very realistic account of your cigarette smoking journey, and your entry into it. You have been able to self evaluate and have regrets about the damage to yourself and others. You have expressed your thoughts with skill. Well done.
Wendy
Comment Written 01-May-2022
reply by the author on 04-May-2022
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Thank you, Wendy, for your thoughts on this. I appreciate them very much.
