Mismatched Lovers
A short poem about mismatched lovers53 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
This is good. I do see three potential problems, or two and a choice.
notes:
She made room inside her head, he only wanted to be in her bed.
Mismatched from the start, he could never claim her heart.
-should be:
She made room inside her head,
he only wanted to be in her bed.
Mismatched from the start,
(he could never claim her heart.)
-I think you should break the middle stanza apart to remain consistent.
-Also, If he wanted wanted sex, as stated, then (he could never claim her heart) is inconsistent, as he never wanted that.
- The (choice) part, is there seems to a bias against the guy. They are not presented equally. That is usually a safe choice, but it throws the last line's message off.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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This is good. I do see three potential problems, or two and a choice.
notes:
She made room inside her head, he only wanted to be in her bed.
Mismatched from the start, he could never claim her heart.
-should be:
She made room inside her head,
he only wanted to be in her bed.
Mismatched from the start,
(he could never claim her heart.)
-I think you should break the middle stanza apart to remain consistent.
-Also, If he wanted wanted sex, as stated, then (he could never claim her heart) is inconsistent, as he never wanted that.
- The (choice) part, is there seems to a bias against the guy. They are not presented equally. That is usually a safe choice, but it throws the last line's message off.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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Thank you. You have forced me to think things through much more carefully. This is the kind of service I treasure from my readers most.
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
This is well written and well presented.
The message is thought provoking and emotional.
The topic is commonplace and relatable to most, I imagine.
Thank you for sharing your talent.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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This is well written and well presented.
The message is thought provoking and emotional.
The topic is commonplace and relatable to most, I imagine.
Thank you for sharing your talent.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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Thank you. I appreciate your comments.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this poem. I feel this mismatched affair happens way too often. I have seen it more times than I care to think about. In my humble opinion, it's because God isn't the center of their lives.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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Thank you for sharing this poem. I feel this mismatched affair happens way too often. I have seen it more times than I care to think about. In my humble opinion, it's because God isn't the center of their lives.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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Thank you Barbara. As a writer whose talent I both admire and respect. I find your comments of great value to me personally.
Comment from Terry Broxson
Nomi, this is a dang fine poem and extremely well illustrated by the picture you choose. I do see your point about how this plays out in society and even though the guy in this poem is the jerk, it could just as easily be a woman. Very good work. Terry.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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Nomi, this is a dang fine poem and extremely well illustrated by the picture you choose. I do see your point about how this plays out in society and even though the guy in this poem is the jerk, it could just as easily be a woman. Very good work. Terry.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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Thank you my friend. I feel totally vindicated as most of my reviews so far have come from women who are solidly behind the words used and the thoughts expressed.
Comment from Paul McFarland
How many times have we seen this scenario played out? Has it always been like this, or were things different in the "olden days"? Nice change of pace in the second stanza.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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How many times have we seen this scenario played out? Has it always been like this, or were things different in the "olden days"? Nice change of pace in the second stanza.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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Thank you. I fear that men have almost always valued women based on something other than pure love; their sex appeal, their wealthy connections, their ability to bear children, or just their overall ability to share the workload.
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Sharing the workload. Yeah.
Comment from Lilly Flowers
You did a great job with this poem that reflects a very common problem in relationships. It flowed perfectly and your choice of rhyming words really told the story. I enjoy reading poems that are easy to understand and written well. Best regards, Lilly
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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You did a great job with this poem that reflects a very common problem in relationships. It flowed perfectly and your choice of rhyming words really told the story. I enjoy reading poems that are easy to understand and written well. Best regards, Lilly
Comment Written 28-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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Thank you so much. Your kind words are like sweet honey to a bear addicted to sweets.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Thanks for sharing the image, notes, and poem, nomi.
-I agree with your assessment of this situation in cases like you mentioned.
-You wrote a good poem with a good topic.
-Good descriptive detail and rhyme.
-I also like the contrast in each set of lines.
-It does sound like they were "mismatched from the start."
-A very good concluding couplet that shows the
outcome of this situation.
-Well done. Hope you are doing well.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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-Thanks for sharing the image, notes, and poem, nomi.
-I agree with your assessment of this situation in cases like you mentioned.
-You wrote a good poem with a good topic.
-Good descriptive detail and rhyme.
-I also like the contrast in each set of lines.
-It does sound like they were "mismatched from the start."
-A very good concluding couplet that shows the
outcome of this situation.
-Well done. Hope you are doing well.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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I am well, thank you. I pray that likewise, you are well. I appreciate your kind comments on my poem.
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You are very welcome, nomi, and am glad you are well. We are good here, too, except the weather is about 20 degrees lower than it should be!
Comment from Mary Vigasin
While not about anyone, in particular, it is a common mismatch in this well-written and crafted poem. While shown to be his failings, it is sadly played on both sides for different reasons.
Well done.
Best wishes,
Mary
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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While not about anyone, in particular, it is a common mismatch in this well-written and crafted poem. While shown to be his failings, it is sadly played on both sides for different reasons.
Well done.
Best wishes,
Mary
Comment Written 28-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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Thank you Mary. Your wise and complimentary review is very much appreciated.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Freed from the shackles, captured by the times. Obviously, it's better but not yet sublime. With that said, is the movement making friends or embossing enemies, secretly like it was back in the days prior to the civil war?
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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Freed from the shackles, captured by the times. Obviously, it's better but not yet sublime. With that said, is the movement making friends or embossing enemies, secretly like it was back in the days prior to the civil war?
Comment Written 28-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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Good questions, for which I at present have no satisfactory answer.
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I follow you and enjoy what you post. Be well.
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Thank you. I appreciate you.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Kudos to you for understanding that many women are more than just "a hottie", they also have brains and are capable of thinking outside of the bedroom. How many couples have been in similar situations where they are in different places as far as desire goes . . .
This is a thoughtful poem, rhymes well and tells your couple's relationship story.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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Kudos to you for understanding that many women are more than just "a hottie", they also have brains and are capable of thinking outside of the bedroom. How many couples have been in similar situations where they are in different places as far as desire goes . . .
This is a thoughtful poem, rhymes well and tells your couple's relationship story.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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Thank you so much. I appreciate your acceptance of my viewpoint.
