Interpretations For Consideration
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Undulations"An Ekphrastic Poetry Collection for NaPoWriMo 2022
13 total reviews
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Debra,
Steamy tanka, my dear. You compare yourself to those dry rocks on the beach. All day, they await the tide to come and soak them. They come alive when wet, darken, showing such beauty. Fulfilled. Whole. Vibrant.
I don't think I should say any more. Maybe just that your husband is the tide.
I have noticed this, though, when I've taken my 8 year old granddaughter to Saints Rest Beach. She loves to collect rocks that are pretty underwater. But when they dry in the sun, their beauty disappears. Only when wet are they able to show vibrant colors and contours.
Very nicely penned! This poem shows your skill as a poet.
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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Hi Debra,
Steamy tanka, my dear. You compare yourself to those dry rocks on the beach. All day, they await the tide to come and soak them. They come alive when wet, darken, showing such beauty. Fulfilled. Whole. Vibrant.
I don't think I should say any more. Maybe just that your husband is the tide.
I have noticed this, though, when I've taken my 8 year old granddaughter to Saints Rest Beach. She loves to collect rocks that are pretty underwater. But when they dry in the sun, their beauty disappears. Only when wet are they able to show vibrant colors and contours.
Very nicely penned! This poem shows your skill as a poet.
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 17-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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Hi Kimbob :)
Loving your feedback on this one! Your observations of the nature of the rock are stunning. Thank you so much for your exceptional rating, I'm delighted! I wasn't sure that this tanka 'worked' or not as I found it so tricky to write (not 100% happy with it when I clicked the release button) and I also had a couple of lukewarm responses to it. Your feedback definitely makes me feel happier about this one!
Thanks again, Debra x
Comment from Ulla
Ah, I liked this tanka poem a lot. The pivot line, which is notoriously difficult to write, is just perfect here. I loved the last two lines. It's really very well written. Good luck in the contest with this gem. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Ah, I liked this tanka poem a lot. The pivot line, which is notoriously difficult to write, is just perfect here. I loved the last two lines. It's really very well written. Good luck in the contest with this gem. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 17-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Thank you so much, Ulla, for your kind and encouraging feedback :)
I really appreciate it... Best wishes, Debra
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice artwork and good presentation, Debra.
-You wrote a good tanka with a good topic.
-You set the scene well in the opening lines,
followed by a good pivot line.
-Good concluding lines, as well.
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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-Nice artwork and good presentation, Debra.
-You wrote a good tanka with a good topic.
-You set the scene well in the opening lines,
followed by a good pivot line.
-Good concluding lines, as well.
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Thank you so much, Pam :)
I appreciate your kind feedback and good luck wishes.
Kind regards, Debra
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You are very welcome, Debra.
Comment from karenina
I blush to think I am the only one who slipped from shore to...so much more...all gently insinuated within the juxtaposing "undulations." Ah, if I am, it is because I am a hopeless romantic!
I hope the committee smiles on this one!
Karenina
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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I blush to think I am the only one who slipped from shore to...so much more...all gently insinuated within the juxtaposing "undulations." Ah, if I am, it is because I am a hopeless romantic!
I hope the committee smiles on this one!
Karenina
Comment Written 16-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Thank you so much, Karenina :)
I really appreciate your feedback on this one as I wasn't sure it worked.... best wishes as always, Debra
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Same to you!
Comment from Gloria ....
This is a fine tanka, with the juxtaposing of opposites, which to my way of thinking offers the arc needed to create the spark in writing.
Wishing you great luck with the Contest Committee. :))
Gloria
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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This is a fine tanka, with the juxtaposing of opposites, which to my way of thinking offers the arc needed to create the spark in writing.
Wishing you great luck with the Contest Committee. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 16-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Thank you so much, Gloria :)
I appreciate your feedback - wasn't sure if this one 'worked' or not!
Best wishes as always, Debra
Comment from lyenochka
Very cool! This starts as "ekphrastic" with those dry stones but then with the "anticipating" pivotal line, you switch to the anticipation of rekindling passions with the beloved. I think this will do well in the contest!!
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Very cool! This starts as "ekphrastic" with those dry stones but then with the "anticipating" pivotal line, you switch to the anticipation of rekindling passions with the beloved. I think this will do well in the contest!!
Comment Written 16-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Thank you so much, Helen. I wasn't sure whether or not it 'worked', Tanka is a tricky animal, I think! Best wishes as always, Debra x
Comment from robyn corum
Debra,
Very sweet! I love the juxtaposition here between the push/pull of the waves and the pull/pull of a romantic relationship. It also makes a clever comparison in say - a poem. *smile* Lovely job!
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Debra,
Very sweet! I love the juxtaposition here between the push/pull of the waves and the pull/pull of a romantic relationship. It also makes a clever comparison in say - a poem. *smile* Lovely job!
Comment Written 16-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Thank you so much, Robyn :) I wasn't sure if this one 'worked' or not - it's good to have your feedback. Best wishes as always, Debra x
Comment from juliaSjames
Hi Debra, I've spent time on a lot of pebble beaches; I even have a collection of smooth patterned rocks that I use for my homemade spa foot soaks. Isn't it strange that the colour seems to darken when they're wet?
I like writing tankas, although the fact that they are really three poems can be challenging. The first part of your tanka is just lovely and impactful, including the pivot line. IMO the second part doesn't quite dovetail. Although the analogy can be assumed, I suggest you tweak the write to strengthen the link.
For example, what if you played around with the last two lines and added a conjunction?
"like my own languishing skin
an invigorating touch"
Or something else to your liking. How does this strike you?
Hope this is helpful and the poem remains true to your concept.
Good luck in the contest
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Hi Debra, I've spent time on a lot of pebble beaches; I even have a collection of smooth patterned rocks that I use for my homemade spa foot soaks. Isn't it strange that the colour seems to darken when they're wet?
I like writing tankas, although the fact that they are really three poems can be challenging. The first part of your tanka is just lovely and impactful, including the pivot line. IMO the second part doesn't quite dovetail. Although the analogy can be assumed, I suggest you tweak the write to strengthen the link.
For example, what if you played around with the last two lines and added a conjunction?
"like my own languishing skin
an invigorating touch"
Or something else to your liking. How does this strike you?
Hope this is helpful and the poem remains true to your concept.
Good luck in the contest
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 16-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Hi Julia :)
Thank you so much for your feedback..... I'm with you! I wasn't sure whether this one 'worked' or not - Tanka is a tricky animal, isn't it?! I don't if I'll change it or not... I'm tempted, but I may leave it a few days and come back to it with a fresh mind!
I really appreciate your comments and suggestions - thanks again. Best wishes as always, Debra x
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Happy Easter, Debra!
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is a sweet poem, Debra, that matches your picture very well. Well, maybe the pebbles are a little big, lol. The sentiment is obvious. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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This is a sweet poem, Debra, that matches your picture very well. Well, maybe the pebbles are a little big, lol. The sentiment is obvious. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Thank you so much, Judy :) I appreciate your kind feedback and good luck wishes.
Kind regards, Debra
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You're most welcome, Debra.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
The Tanka is a poem form that I always find difficult. I don't know why, except that I have it in my head that different people use different rules to define it. Even simplifying it tio the five line rule with a pivotal central five syllables, I had a few problems with yours, linked to apparant grammatical shortcuts...
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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The Tanka is a poem form that I always find difficult. I don't know why, except that I have it in my head that different people use different rules to define it. Even simplifying it tio the five line rule with a pivotal central five syllables, I had a few problems with yours, linked to apparant grammatical shortcuts...
Comment Written 16-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Hi Kate :)
Thanks for your feedback - I appreciate it, as always...
Best wishes, Debra x
