One Thousand Cranes
Viewing comments for Chapter 44 "~ Bevy of Doves ~"Gypsy's Favorites
6 total reviews
Comment from AP Apgar
I like this poem - Congratulations - contest winner - very nice presentation - paints a very heart felt picture of an old man - the passage time - the cycle of life - tying new birth - the scent of flowers - and young birds with the past - pleasant memories of the old mans life - and his continuing life (still beating heart) - the flow is good - very nice job
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2022
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I like this poem - Congratulations - contest winner - very nice presentation - paints a very heart felt picture of an old man - the passage time - the cycle of life - tying new birth - the scent of flowers - and young birds with the past - pleasant memories of the old mans life - and his continuing life (still beating heart) - the flow is good - very nice job
Comment Written 29-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2022
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Thank you very much, AP.
Gypsy
Comment from LisaMay
Your poem is full of appealing imagery and is very sensory, capturing past, present, and future.
I am a bit confused about the style. It is not one I'm familiar with but instructions seem to indicate stanzas are comprised of 2 lines. Your poem doesn't distinguish stanzas - a couple have 3 lines.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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Your poem is full of appealing imagery and is very sensory, capturing past, present, and future.
I am a bit confused about the style. It is not one I'm familiar with but instructions seem to indicate stanzas are comprised of 2 lines. Your poem doesn't distinguish stanzas - a couple have 3 lines.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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You are right, stanzas are 5/7 as many as you like and the style is free verse. Linking the lines dramatically helps the flow. I brake where natural pauses fall. If you check, the poem 5/7 sets all the way through.
Thank you for the feedback.
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Yes, the LINES are set in 5/7, but the indented sections seem to indicate that the STANZAS are comprised of 2,2,3,2,3 lines.
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It's a free verse, that's what the name means. But I understand what you are saying.
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I changed it.
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Thanks for being open to my comments. I think your resulting poem will be less confusing for people looking for an example of this form.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
The words I may have mistaken in syllables make perfect sense. Normally, I would not correct myself but I understand your words perfectly. It is a lovely thought. I believe you have, in fact, won my vote.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2022
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The words I may have mistaken in syllables make perfect sense. Normally, I would not correct myself but I understand your words perfectly. It is a lovely thought. I believe you have, in fact, won my vote.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2022
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Be/vy of doves perched 5
on sweet wis/te/ri/a boughs 7
as cool spring rain drips 5
o/ver the old man?s gar/den. 7
Where he sits da/ily 5
to re/mi/nisce a/bout life 7
and his sweet, Jas/mine. 5
The love of his life, now dead, 7
but not de/par/ted. 5
She lives in fra/grant flo/wers, 7
the laugh/ter of kids, 5
and love in his beat/ing heart. 7
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So it was my miscount
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yes
Comment from pookietoo
This is wonderful, but you need to add seven more syllables to your poem. Have a wonderful Easter weekend. Good luck in whatever you write about. Keep smiling always.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2022
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This is wonderful, but you need to add seven more syllables to your poem. Have a wonderful Easter weekend. Good luck in whatever you write about. Keep smiling always.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2022
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Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review my poem.
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I guess you added seven syllables, or I read it wrong
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I didn't add anything, you are the one who can't count syllables.
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I am sorry. You did great.
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it's alright, thank you
Comment from lyenochka
Two of my favorite flowers are here - wisteria and jasmine! And I love how you invoke the sights and smells as you bring us into the memory of the departed wife, who still lives in the love of this widowed man. These flowers bring her back to him as well as the joy of their children.
Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
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Two of my favorite flowers are here - wisteria and jasmine! And I love how you invoke the sights and smells as you bring us into the memory of the departed wife, who still lives in the love of this widowed man. These flowers bring her back to him as well as the joy of their children.
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 15-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
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Thank you very much, Helen. I really appreciate that you took the time to read and review my poem. Hugs!
Comment from jessizero
You did a great job with this prompt and the guidelines of the poem's structure. I like that you started with the imagery of the doves then moved gradually to the man and his lost love, not so lost as it is reflected in children and his heart. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
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You did a great job with this prompt and the guidelines of the poem's structure. I like that you started with the imagery of the doves then moved gradually to the man and his lost love, not so lost as it is reflected in children and his heart. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
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Thank you, jessi. I always appreciate your exceptional reviews and kind words. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.