Minnie and the Masons
A farm job.38 total reviews
Comment from irishauthorme
Great history! I wondered if the six men got the money from Minnie's employer, or did they go together and fork up the fifty dollars and the train tickets. Doesn't really matter now anyway.
Remarkable lady, your grandmother, born in 1899?
So was my Mom, and that generation was double tough, but they had to be, to survive. Sure neat that you asked that question or that piece of history would have been lost forever.
Good work,
irish
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
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Great history! I wondered if the six men got the money from Minnie's employer, or did they go together and fork up the fifty dollars and the train tickets. Doesn't really matter now anyway.
Remarkable lady, your grandmother, born in 1899?
So was my Mom, and that generation was double tough, but they had to be, to survive. Sure neat that you asked that question or that piece of history would have been lost forever.
Good work,
irish
Comment Written 15-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
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Irish, Thank you very much. Granny (Minnie) was born in 1894. I am a redhead...well, I used to be, LOL. Minnie's family came over in 1850 from Ireland, with many redheads among the cousins. Terry.
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Hi Terry, thank you for your reply. My Mom was an O'Connor, second-generation Irish. I owe her my ability to play music, write my thoughts, and appreciate the beauty of our world.
irish
Comment from Shirley McLain
What a wonderful story about a woman with gumption. My Great Grandfather walked from Texas into Oklahoma with his two siblings after their parents died to work on a ranch. We have a life of ease compared to our ancestors. Great job. Enjoy your Friday. Shirley
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
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What a wonderful story about a woman with gumption. My Great Grandfather walked from Texas into Oklahoma with his two siblings after their parents died to work on a ranch. We have a life of ease compared to our ancestors. Great job. Enjoy your Friday. Shirley
Comment Written 15-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
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Shirley, thank you for the kind review. We do indeed have it easy. Terry.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I loved your story here Terry, it is fascinating and I am so glad you had such a strong Granny (Minnie) and I hope you took after her and you have carved yourself a good life with your inner strength of purpose, thank you for sharing your fine story here, I am in awe of your Granny, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
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I loved your story here Terry, it is fascinating and I am so glad you had such a strong Granny (Minnie) and I hope you took after her and you have carved yourself a good life with your inner strength of purpose, thank you for sharing your fine story here, I am in awe of your Granny, love Dolly x
Comment Written 15-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
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Dolly, thanks your review, she was indeed a strong woman. Terry.
Comment from LisaMay
Your story centres on a resourceful woman in tough times, sticking to her values and keeping her son safe. The narrative is pared back and told with scant, embellishment, perhaps reflecting the harsh conditions.
Suggestion:
how this lazy farmer made his living, moonshine (I think there should be a dash or a colon between living and moonshine)
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
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Your story centres on a resourceful woman in tough times, sticking to her values and keeping her son safe. The narrative is pared back and told with scant, embellishment, perhaps reflecting the harsh conditions.
Suggestion:
how this lazy farmer made his living, moonshine (I think there should be a dash or a colon between living and moonshine)
Comment Written 15-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
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Lisa, very good observation. I tried to tell the story as a "reporter." Just reporting the facts, the way Minnie told her story. I think it would make a good "based on fact" story if I ever try to embellish it. Terry.
Comment from Susan Newell
Terry,
This is a fascinating story, but I think it could be improved by doing more showing and less telling. Show us how she felt and acted, what the man did to seem lazy, etc. You could try rewriting it as though you were writing a fictional story rather than a blow-by-blow list of events. I have also made some notes on SPAGS.
Sue
waitress and hooking up with a fellow twenty years older -- confusing (could be a fellow who was twenty years older than her) Why not, "a fellow of the same age?"
Her brothers and sisters' families ==> brothers'
Minnie does love the little girls ==> did (consistent tense)
In a few days, she thinks the man is lazy ==> thought & was
"Mam, can I help you?" ==> Ma'am
A couple of hours later, the men returned. -- I think you need to add "with the reprobate" or something similar, because "the fellow" unaccountably appears in the next sentence.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2022
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Terry,
This is a fascinating story, but I think it could be improved by doing more showing and less telling. Show us how she felt and acted, what the man did to seem lazy, etc. You could try rewriting it as though you were writing a fictional story rather than a blow-by-blow list of events. I have also made some notes on SPAGS.
Sue
waitress and hooking up with a fellow twenty years older -- confusing (could be a fellow who was twenty years older than her) Why not, "a fellow of the same age?"
Her brothers and sisters' families ==> brothers'
Minnie does love the little girls ==> did (consistent tense)
In a few days, she thinks the man is lazy ==> thought & was
"Mam, can I help you?" ==> Ma'am
A couple of hours later, the men returned. -- I think you need to add "with the reprobate" or something similar, because "the fellow" unaccountably appears in the next sentence.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2022
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Thank you for your suggestions! Terry.
Comment from NANCY V. FORREST
This is a wonderful story. It brings a real picture of teh times in which Minnie and her son lived and the emphasis some people put on their connections and social obligations. I am sure there are still people who behve both well an ill as those in the story did, but it is good to hear both sides without "preaching".
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2022
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This is a wonderful story. It brings a real picture of teh times in which Minnie and her son lived and the emphasis some people put on their connections and social obligations. I am sure there are still people who behve both well an ill as those in the story did, but it is good to hear both sides without "preaching".
Comment Written 14-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2022
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Nancy, Thank you very much for your kind review. Terry.
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:-)
Comment from estory
I think its an interesting premise for a short story, you just have to flesh it out and give voice to the characters instead of relying on narrative from the third person. I think its a great story of someone who has their kids as a priority and keeps hold onto their values. estory
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2022
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I think its an interesting premise for a short story, you just have to flesh it out and give voice to the characters instead of relying on narrative from the third person. I think its a great story of someone who has their kids as a priority and keeps hold onto their values. estory
Comment Written 14-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2022
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You are absolutely right! I do need to flush this story out. It has been rattling around my head for almost fifty years. I choose this 3rd person format so I could at least get it down. There is more to add, I will see where it goes in the future. Thank you, Terry.
Comment from Rosita Smedvik
Minnie found out the hard way that not everyone can be trusted yet she had the gumption to get what she had deserved. Good for her. It also took a lot of guts to travel on the hopes that everything would turn out alright especially with another in tow. I would have liked a bit more overall description of the farm, how she felt at seeing what a wreck it was but overall what a great story to pass down to other generations.
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Minnie found out the hard way that not everyone can be trusted yet she had the gumption to get what she had deserved. Good for her. It also took a lot of guts to travel on the hopes that everything would turn out alright especially with another in tow. I would have liked a bit more overall description of the farm, how she felt at seeing what a wreck it was but overall what a great story to pass down to other generations.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2022
Comment from RGstar
Terry, I love your stories, let the quill flow. Don't concentrate too much about the guidance in the interviews, you do just fine with your work.
I felt you were too compact in the narrative, as if trying to fit everything in quickly as not to have he text too long. No need. Natural, feel it...say what you want to say for each part, but fill it out, bring out the charm or disdain of the story, let the reader feel the emotions.
I felt this was more a document-report style.
Lets bring the charm back, the elaboration, the Imagery. Everything else will take care of itself.
Love your work, don't change what you do for you do it well.
My best.
RG
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2022
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Terry, I love your stories, let the quill flow. Don't concentrate too much about the guidance in the interviews, you do just fine with your work.
I felt you were too compact in the narrative, as if trying to fit everything in quickly as not to have he text too long. No need. Natural, feel it...say what you want to say for each part, but fill it out, bring out the charm or disdain of the story, let the reader feel the emotions.
I felt this was more a document-report style.
Lets bring the charm back, the elaboration, the Imagery. Everything else will take care of itself.
Love your work, don't change what you do for you do it well.
My best.
RG
Comment Written 13-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2022
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Oh my, I purposely wrote in what I called a reporter style for this story. I think I was reporting what my Grandma told me. My friend Ann, a good writer on FanStory who loves your reviews of her work, told me that this story had lost the pathos others had.
I read her your review, and she said, "RG is right; he just said much more elegantly than me!"
Thank you, my friend! Terry.
Comment from juliaSjames
A fascinating story. The farmer was enterprising, but in the wrong way. The demand for "mail order brides" is still in vogue. I think there's actually a tv series.
Your Granny must have been a great raconteur. I wish I had been more interested in the lives of my parents and grandparents. My father's mother was a character. Apparently she attracted the attention of a church member because of her lovely singing voice and was given the opportunity to purchase a house for a ridiculously low price. She and her children were able to leave rented accommodation and lived for a while in fine style due to the entrepreneurial skills of one of her sons ( he started a laundry business). The subject of family is endlessly fascinating.
Stay safe and blessed, Julia
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2022
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A fascinating story. The farmer was enterprising, but in the wrong way. The demand for "mail order brides" is still in vogue. I think there's actually a tv series.
Your Granny must have been a great raconteur. I wish I had been more interested in the lives of my parents and grandparents. My father's mother was a character. Apparently she attracted the attention of a church member because of her lovely singing voice and was given the opportunity to purchase a house for a ridiculously low price. She and her children were able to leave rented accommodation and lived for a while in fine style due to the entrepreneurial skills of one of her sons ( he started a laundry business). The subject of family is endlessly fascinating.
Stay safe and blessed, Julia
Comment Written 13-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2022
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Julia, sounds like you got some stories there. Thank you for reading and reviewing. Terry.
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Hope to share some day soon