Hello Stranger Goodbye Friend
Losing a friend to dementia31 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Jesse,
I would think that dementia is hard do deal with from both sides. It can see that it seems like you have to mourn a lost friend because he is not the same person as he was. But this does not make him any less a friend.
There is a poetry form called haibun, which is mixing prose with a haiku or haikus. This is just your own form of that. The poem fulfills its purpose.
Keep writing and stay healthy and hopeful.
Joan
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2022
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Hi Jesse,
I would think that dementia is hard do deal with from both sides. It can see that it seems like you have to mourn a lost friend because he is not the same person as he was. But this does not make him any less a friend.
There is a poetry form called haibun, which is mixing prose with a haiku or haikus. This is just your own form of that. The poem fulfills its purpose.
Keep writing and stay healthy and hopeful.
Joan
Comment Written 22-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2022
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Hi Joan. My friend is still suffering from a form of dementia yet we remain close friends. I worry about the day he doesn't remember me. I try to remain hopeful.
Writing is my savior and my purpose in life. I shall stay healthy.
Jesse
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Hey Jesse,
It is good that you remain friends through all this. It will be hard when he forgets.
Joan
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I am hoping that he always remembers me. Praying that he never forgets our friendship.
Comment from Sandra Barlow
Yes, it's very distressing. Several of my friends have it. I feel myself drifting away, as they repeat themselves over and over, and even when I tell them, you have already told that story, they still continue.
I have heard that not just music helps, but music they used to love many years ago, especially songs and songs they can sing along to.
Your post took me a long time to read. The print was so small and pale grey. My eyesight isn't great for reading, fine for long distance.
Thanks for sharing and hope things go smoothly as possible.
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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Yes, it's very distressing. Several of my friends have it. I feel myself drifting away, as they repeat themselves over and over, and even when I tell them, you have already told that story, they still continue.
I have heard that not just music helps, but music they used to love many years ago, especially songs and songs they can sing along to.
Your post took me a long time to read. The print was so small and pale grey. My eyesight isn't great for reading, fine for long distance.
Thanks for sharing and hope things go smoothly as possible.
Comment Written 16-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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Good morning, Sandra. I find it hard to use the advanced editing part when I post something so I do a trick I learned while reading someone else's post. Use the control key and the + key and push them at the same time and the print will become larger and easier to read. This has helped me greatly as my eyesight is getting worse since my cataract surgery.
Thank you for the suggestions on singing songs they can sing along with.
I always appreciate hearing from you, my friend.
Take good care of yourself,
Jesse
Comment from J. P. Olesen
Hi, Jess,
Terrific story!
Yes, dementia is indeed a thief. Lost both my father and mother to it about seven years ago--a horrific process lasting almost a decade that damn near killed me.
No flaws at all that I can see, and exquisitely written.
What I found with my parents, was that I could connect talking of things that happened decades ago and playing the music the loved when they were young. Then, the light would come back into their eyes.
Everything is on its way to somewhere else. I wish you well.
Very sincerely,
J. P.
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Hi, Jess,
Terrific story!
Yes, dementia is indeed a thief. Lost both my father and mother to it about seven years ago--a horrific process lasting almost a decade that damn near killed me.
No flaws at all that I can see, and exquisitely written.
What I found with my parents, was that I could connect talking of things that happened decades ago and playing the music the loved when they were young. Then, the light would come back into their eyes.
Everything is on its way to somewhere else. I wish you well.
Very sincerely,
J. P.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2022
Comment from Cindy Decker 2
Jesse,
This is a wonderful, yet sad true story that I can identify with. My mom had dementia; I know that blank stare well. Then, there were times she was 'alive' and aware.
I really like the way you put a poem in with this story to further its literary value.
Take good care of your friend. He is not so aware that he needs you, but you know it.
Good luck with all your writing, Jesse.
Excellent presentation.
Have a blessed Easter,
Cindy
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Jesse,
This is a wonderful, yet sad true story that I can identify with. My mom had dementia; I know that blank stare well. Then, there were times she was 'alive' and aware.
I really like the way you put a poem in with this story to further its literary value.
Take good care of your friend. He is not so aware that he needs you, but you know it.
Good luck with all your writing, Jesse.
Excellent presentation.
Have a blessed Easter,
Cindy
Comment Written 14-Apr-2022
Comment from Marienkiefer
Hello,
Thank you for writing this piece on dementia, a topic you gently deal with in your writing.
-Very powerful first sentence, and opening paragraph.
In mixing poetry with prose, you have interspersed real emotions with textual references.
It is an empathetic piece but emblatic of a situation that many, if not facing it themselves will come across many who are.
-Writing is sometimes a mechanism, infused with technique and literary device, or a refuge to nurse and heal but always powered by emotions and experiences of the author. In this piece I don't think you can separate any of these. Would you want to?
-There is no disconnect between object and subject.
-Thanks for writing and sharing this essay that reads as a devotional, in honour of friendship--You to a friend and your friend to you. Friendship is no stranger to anyone.
Have a nice day.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2022
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Hello,
Thank you for writing this piece on dementia, a topic you gently deal with in your writing.
-Very powerful first sentence, and opening paragraph.
In mixing poetry with prose, you have interspersed real emotions with textual references.
It is an empathetic piece but emblatic of a situation that many, if not facing it themselves will come across many who are.
-Writing is sometimes a mechanism, infused with technique and literary device, or a refuge to nurse and heal but always powered by emotions and experiences of the author. In this piece I don't think you can separate any of these. Would you want to?
-There is no disconnect between object and subject.
-Thanks for writing and sharing this essay that reads as a devotional, in honour of friendship--You to a friend and your friend to you. Friendship is no stranger to anyone.
Have a nice day.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2022
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Wow. Thank you for this descriptive and decisive review. You have nailed this piece for what it is, and I love your way with words. This is a creative comprehensive review, and I applaud your kind and evocative comments. Thank you for this refreshing addition.
Have a wonderful rest of your week.
Jesse
Comment from Pam (respa)
-I am sorry to hear about your friend, Jesse.
-You did a good job with this piece, and it
doesn't matter if prose and poetry are mixed.
-The important thing is expressing your feelings.
-I would imagine that if his condition deteriorates,
he would have to have help.
-It is too bad that some people seem to be
using him to turn him against you.
-I like the poem you wrote, as well as the notes.
-Self-care is important, as well as coping and hope.
-The music idea sounds like a good one.
-You could also do a Google search for things
that appeal to this kind of patient.
-Thoughts are with you and your friend.
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-I am sorry to hear about your friend, Jesse.
-You did a good job with this piece, and it
doesn't matter if prose and poetry are mixed.
-The important thing is expressing your feelings.
-I would imagine that if his condition deteriorates,
he would have to have help.
-It is too bad that some people seem to be
using him to turn him against you.
-I like the poem you wrote, as well as the notes.
-Self-care is important, as well as coping and hope.
-The music idea sounds like a good one.
-You could also do a Google search for things
that appeal to this kind of patient.
-Thoughts are with you and your friend.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2022
Comment from lyenochka
I can relate to a degree as my father has dementia but your friendship is closer than my relationship with my father so I can see how much it hurts. I have started to watch some videos on YouTube to help with understanding dementia. My parents' geriatrician recommended: Teepa Snow's videos and also Dementia Careblazers.
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I can relate to a degree as my father has dementia but your friendship is closer than my relationship with my father so I can see how much it hurts. I have started to watch some videos on YouTube to help with understanding dementia. My parents' geriatrician recommended: Teepa Snow's videos and also Dementia Careblazers.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2022
Comment from K. Lang-Slattery
This is very heartfelt and personal. I love that you combined your prose with poetry. This made the work even more understandable. I know that the piece is your journal and as such, it is a bit random (almost a list of thoughts). Perhaps later, you will be able to make more sense of these thought and pull them together with a theme.
I wasn't sure about this line: "He is and was my best friend all rolled up into one." Best friend is (for me) only one thing even if it is past and present. Maybe you can be more specific about how the past friend and the today friend are all different and yet the same. I think this may lead you to the theme of the piece.
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This is very heartfelt and personal. I love that you combined your prose with poetry. This made the work even more understandable. I know that the piece is your journal and as such, it is a bit random (almost a list of thoughts). Perhaps later, you will be able to make more sense of these thought and pull them together with a theme.
I wasn't sure about this line: "He is and was my best friend all rolled up into one." Best friend is (for me) only one thing even if it is past and present. Maybe you can be more specific about how the past friend and the today friend are all different and yet the same. I think this may lead you to the theme of the piece.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2022
Comment from PoemsOfDD
Thank you for sharing this touching and sad account on losing someone to dementia. It is a tragic scene to witness and one where the end pierces and pulls at the heart. You can still be a good friend and remember the good times of your friendship. The bad times will be testing but take it a day at a time. Music is always therapeutic.
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Thank you for sharing this touching and sad account on losing someone to dementia. It is a tragic scene to witness and one where the end pierces and pulls at the heart. You can still be a good friend and remember the good times of your friendship. The bad times will be testing but take it a day at a time. Music is always therapeutic.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2022
Comment from LisaMay
You portrayed the personal impact of this dreadful situation very clearly. Journalling with a poetic addition caught your emotions for the reader. I sympathise and empathise with you - I spent many years looking after my father as he declined with Alzheimers. I can vouch for music being a good avenue for continuing connection between you both. I read poetry to my father also - I think something with rhythm has appeal to a disordered mind.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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You portrayed the personal impact of this dreadful situation very clearly. Journalling with a poetic addition caught your emotions for the reader. I sympathise and empathise with you - I spent many years looking after my father as he declined with Alzheimers. I can vouch for music being a good avenue for continuing connection between you both. I read poetry to my father also - I think something with rhythm has appeal to a disordered mind.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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Thank you, Lisa May. With this review, you have caught the imagination of what I have been going through and then some! Your kind words are appreciated and the idea that music is a good connection between me and my friend, as well as poetry, tells me that you empathize very well with the situation I am going through.
I like your phrase...a disoriented mind.
It speaks to the problem without demonizing it. Thank you for giving me this trio of reviews. If I don't get to them all right away I hope you understand. It has been difficult for me and my kitty Sunny who loves him very much and misses the old friend she used to know.
Sunny and I spend a lot of quiet time together which takes me away from my computer except for in the middle of the night like now. It is almost 2 am right now.
Yet I will gladly take the time to write to you since you have taken the time to give me your honest 'take' on my life as portrayed through these prose pieces.
Thanks so much and have a great day!
Jesse
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I appreciate your taking the time to write so late at night. Sunny is being a good companion to you. Animals understand us better than other humans do. My Lily has been lying on my lap for the past 2 hours and I haven't wanted to disturb her, but now I want a cup of tea. It is nearly 10pm here and I have promised myself an early night because the past week has been tiring organising art exhibitions.
I can feel your sadness at the changes in your relationship with your friend. Loss is always hard to adjust to so I send you good wishes and a 'virtual' comforting hug.
Your friend, Jenny
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Thank you, Jenny, for the comforting hug. I needed that hug very much.
Sunny does understand me, that is right, and I know as she knows that we will always have each other no matter what.
Thanks for caring,
Jesse
