The Inn at Blackpool
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Fathers Four"These are free-verse poems.
33 total reviews
Comment from Olivanne Marsh
I read this aloud because it seemed like a song to me. It is lovely and also tells a rousing story within the rhymes. I thought you could lose the "So" in the first line and throughout, just start with " Light the fires..." and keep that as the refrain. The poem also needs more punctuation, it reads like a song which is meant to be said aloud, yet the lack of punctuation would make that difficult...where to put the pause, what to emphasize?
"With gallant dear Willy to lead us" I think you could cut "dear" and this line would fit in better with the narrative.
The poem sings. What was your inspiration?
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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I read this aloud because it seemed like a song to me. It is lovely and also tells a rousing story within the rhymes. I thought you could lose the "So" in the first line and throughout, just start with " Light the fires..." and keep that as the refrain. The poem also needs more punctuation, it reads like a song which is meant to be said aloud, yet the lack of punctuation would make that difficult...where to put the pause, what to emphasize?
"With gallant dear Willy to lead us" I think you could cut "dear" and this line would fit in better with the narrative.
The poem sings. What was your inspiration?
Comment Written 05-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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Thanks so very much..especially your precise input....you are right....this is a little sloppy.....what I get from this is a chance to throw together a tiny story...this one sort of sing song....then get an in house copyright in case I want to expand it to a larger tale..other participants are more fluid and literate...Godspeed to you and yours.....Stu Harrell
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
You have composed a free verse remembering the moments and days of war and talking with people about coming back home from the battlefield; well said, well done; post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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You have composed a free verse remembering the moments and days of war and talking with people about coming back home from the battlefield; well said, well done; post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
Comment Written 05-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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Thank you so very much.......These are a bit scattershot but fun to put together......Godspeed to you and yours......Stu Harrell
Comment from dmt1967
This poem paints a picture only using words. I can see men marching home from war and am glad the poet didn't add a picture as well. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2022
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This poem paints a picture only using words. I can see men marching home from war and am glad the poet didn't add a picture as well. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2022
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Thanks so very much.....these are fun to bang together....always a little ragged but it is what I grew up with.....Godspeed to you and yours...Stu Harrell
Comment from Moon baby
This is a great poem about five brave soldiers from a long time ago, although comradery is timeless. And with this set in an Irish tone makes the sadness have more of a celebratory feel. Sounds like you have had an accomplished life not only in poetry and writing! Congrats!
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2022
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This is a great poem about five brave soldiers from a long time ago, although comradery is timeless. And with this set in an Irish tone makes the sadness have more of a celebratory feel. Sounds like you have had an accomplished life not only in poetry and writing! Congrats!
Comment Written 01-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2022
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Thanks so very much...you are right...this has a bit of sing song texture....my life has been a set of tiny victories...I have been very fortunate.....Thanks again and Godspeed.....Stu Harrell
Comment from Mary Vigasin
This is a well written poem that and I mean this as a compliment. It is a throwback to earlier genre of soldiers lost in battle. Johnny I hardly knew you comes to mind.
Songs that were melancholy and remind one of those who died in battle.
Beautifully written.
Best wishes
Mary
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2022
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This is a well written poem that and I mean this as a compliment. It is a throwback to earlier genre of soldiers lost in battle. Johnny I hardly knew you comes to mind.
Songs that were melancholy and remind one of those who died in battle.
Beautifully written.
Best wishes
Mary
Comment Written 31-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2022
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Thanks so very much...as a tiny footnote...I was part of a dance group and we tried to write a dance skit to Dropkick Murphys..."Johnny I hardly knew ya......"....great costumes....but we flunked and did a waltz instead!....Godspeed to you and yours....Stu Harrell
Comment from Willie P. Smith
Stuart, this definitely should be put to music. It reminds me of an old song that was very popular during the second war, "Lili Marleen." Your poem was sad but beautiful. The writers on Fan story are either getting better, or I am getting softer in my reviews. This is the fourth six in a row.
Very good work.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2022
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Stuart, this definitely should be put to music. It reminds me of an old song that was very popular during the second war, "Lili Marleen." Your poem was sad but beautiful. The writers on Fan story are either getting better, or I am getting softer in my reviews. This is the fourth six in a row.
Very good work.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2022
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Young fellow....thanks for your service...I look forward to reading more of your stuff...I mostly grew up with slap dash verse and this is the result....Not a lyrical poet!...Thanks for your service....I was lucky in Vietnam..surrounded by many brave young fellows....not many of us left....Godspeed to you and yours.....Stu Harrell
Comment from oliver818
This is an interesting poem, I didn't realize it was a historical piece until I read the footnotes. It's really fascinating to take events from the past and try to recreate them, it's something I'm working on at the moment although more in prose fiction than poetry.
You did a great job of giving a voice to this character from this past. It's very believable and you set the scene very well for what the characters went through.
Thanks for sharing this.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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This is an interesting poem, I didn't realize it was a historical piece until I read the footnotes. It's really fascinating to take events from the past and try to recreate them, it's something I'm working on at the moment although more in prose fiction than poetry.
You did a great job of giving a voice to this character from this past. It's very believable and you set the scene very well for what the characters went through.
Thanks for sharing this.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Dear Sir....Thanks so very much....much of my stuff is ragged like...sort of blasted together....lacks elegance ...but that's OK for now.....God Bless you and yours.....Stu Harrell
Comment from Janice Canerdy
This great poem really should be set to music. (Perhaps it has been.) Your skillfully written narrative poem describes heroism and the resulting honor, a life gone and a life soon to be.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2022
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This great poem really should be set to music. (Perhaps it has been.) Your skillfully written narrative poem describes heroism and the resulting honor, a life gone and a life soon to be.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2022
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Thanks so much....you are right...I banged this thing out while fiddling with a keyboard....not good at it.......but lots of fun.....Godspeed to you and yours.....Stu Harrell
Comment from pome lover
that was lovely; very good, and touching.
What a neat thing for them to do.
Your poem tells a sad story, is also informative, and has a very satisfying ending.
Congratulations on being recognized.
Katharine
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2022
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that was lovely; very good, and touching.
What a neat thing for them to do.
Your poem tells a sad story, is also informative, and has a very satisfying ending.
Congratulations on being recognized.
Katharine
Comment Written 30-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2022
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Thanks so very much....these are a little slipshod but fun to put together.....Best Wishes to you and yours....Stu Harrell
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thank you, and to you.
Katharine
Comment from Rachel Jamerson1
Thank you for this cute poem. I don't know if the Irish speak like this but it was fun to read. It also bore a message of charity and generosity. Thank you so much.
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reply by the author on 30-Mar-2022
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Thank you for this cute poem. I don't know if the Irish speak like this but it was fun to read. It also bore a message of charity and generosity. Thank you so much.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2022
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Thanks so much....you are right....I sort of wiggle these together...hopefully make some sense...then blast them off...I really want the in house copyright for the record...so if , in the future..I decide to reach for a wider story...then I have reference points....Godspeed to you and yours....Stu Harrell