Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 47 "Payback"Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
30 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You captured this terrifying moment in so few words here and I felt the chill of this act of revenge on someone who wronged another and this was pay back time, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
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You captured this terrifying moment in so few words here and I felt the chill of this act of revenge on someone who wronged another and this was pay back time, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 27-Mar-2022
Comment from lyenochka
Well, it did sound like he held a small grudge and desire for revenge - even if it was just to scare her to death. Great suspense with an entire story told in this brief flash fiction! Best wishes in the contest!
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Well, it did sound like he held a small grudge and desire for revenge - even if it was just to scare her to death. Great suspense with an entire story told in this brief flash fiction! Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 26-Mar-2022
Comment from giraffmang
Her eyes widened in fear as she felt the black leather glove cover her mouth and his warm breath against her neck.- personally I'd delete 'in fear' from here. It's telling when you've just showed us. From the rest of the sentence it's obvious what the emotion is.
Try to avoid naming the senses as well. It's always telling over showing.
The last lines didn't work for me. He did hold a grudge, that's what getting even is all about.
He's also just committed a few crimes there too! lol
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Her eyes widened in fear as she felt the black leather glove cover her mouth and his warm breath against her neck.- personally I'd delete 'in fear' from here. It's telling when you've just showed us. From the rest of the sentence it's obvious what the emotion is.
Try to avoid naming the senses as well. It's always telling over showing.
The last lines didn't work for me. He did hold a grudge, that's what getting even is all about.
He's also just committed a few crimes there too! lol
Comment Written 26-Mar-2022
Comment from karenina
Oh! Clever twist. I didn't quite catch it first time around...but yes... He was falsely accused and she wasn't owning up to it!
Still not crazy about a man who would assault a woman, just for payback.
He was guilty of false imprisonment the minute he held her, arm circling her waist, glove on her mouth.
She may have learned her lesson, but he was no saint!
Karenina
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Oh! Clever twist. I didn't quite catch it first time around...but yes... He was falsely accused and she wasn't owning up to it!
Still not crazy about a man who would assault a woman, just for payback.
He was guilty of false imprisonment the minute he held her, arm circling her waist, glove on her mouth.
She may have learned her lesson, but he was no saint!
Karenina
Comment Written 26-Mar-2022
Comment from Bridge
A very interesting story. You have managed to do very well given the word limit. Very well written. All the best to you in the contest.
With regards
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A very interesting story. You have managed to do very well given the word limit. Very well written. All the best to you in the contest.
With regards
Comment Written 25-Mar-2022
Comment from eliz100
You have written a story in 100 words. Your story kept my interest from beginning to end. The picture matches the story. I do not see any for improvement.
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You have written a story in 100 words. Your story kept my interest from beginning to end. The picture matches the story. I do not see any for improvement.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2022
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Ingenious! I had to read this over to get the gist of who thought/said what--once I got it, I loved the twist. Perfect payback--perfect punchline! Fine flashwork!
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Ingenious! I had to read this over to get the gist of who thought/said what--once I got it, I loved the twist. Perfect payback--perfect punchline! Fine flashwork!
Comment Written 25-Mar-2022
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Begin Again a fabulous Friday to you, I hope this finds you well. I like your 100 word flash fiction, suspense and a happy ending in such a short story, great job! Have a good day!
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
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Hello Begin Again a fabulous Friday to you, I hope this finds you well. I like your 100 word flash fiction, suspense and a happy ending in such a short story, great job! Have a good day!
Comment Written 25-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
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Good morning and thank you for stopping by to read my short 100 word story. I am glad that you enjoyed it. Have a great day!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Leann DS
OK, I was actually kind of nervous when I was reading this. That would be so scary! Your description did an excellent job of creating the terror.
And... Good ending!
Hugs.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
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OK, I was actually kind of nervous when I was reading this. That would be so scary! Your description did an excellent job of creating the terror.
And... Good ending!
Hugs.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
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Good, LeAnn. Then I accomplished what I intended to do...set the reader and the girl on edge. Thanks so much!
Have a great day! Carol
Comment from Wendy G
She should be thankful he doesn't hold a grudge - many would, and the result could be fatal. Very dramatic, and a good twist to show that she had done him wrong, and in fact, he was the one with the better character. Well written - and best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
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She should be thankful he doesn't hold a grudge - many would, and the result could be fatal. Very dramatic, and a good twist to show that she had done him wrong, and in fact, he was the one with the better character. Well written - and best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 24-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
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Thanks, Wendy
Yes, she was arrogant and didn't feel the need to admit her mistake. Luckily, he should wanted to give her something to think about and not really hurt her. Someone else might have taken her life.
Smiles, Carol
