The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer #4"America's First Female Comic
32 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
Loving the way you have strung these past and 'present' happenings together to build into the reporter's story. Still not totally sure of why the reporter is there.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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Loving the way you have strung these past and 'present' happenings together to build into the reporter's story. Still not totally sure of why the reporter is there.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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The original purpose for the Reporter's "story" was the national fame Fanny was getting as a result of her twice-weekly routines for over 40 years. He was sent there by his editor to write a human interest story until her life story took a turn.
Comment from Sally Law
A five doesn't seem sufficient for this. What a marvelous piece and a difficult one to write. My, your talent shines in this authentic story. Fannie's character has come to life from your pen. Being born and bred in the deep south, I can say you have mastered the authentic speak. Y'all is or (y'all's) is not a easy thing to grasp. Fantastic, marvelous, stupendous! My very best for the contest, dear,
Sal XOs
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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A five doesn't seem sufficient for this. What a marvelous piece and a difficult one to write. My, your talent shines in this authentic story. Fannie's character has come to life from your pen. Being born and bred in the deep south, I can say you have mastered the authentic speak. Y'all is or (y'all's) is not a easy thing to grasp. Fantastic, marvelous, stupendous! My very best for the contest, dear,
Sal XOs
Comment Written 05-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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Awwww, Sally, you made my day! And I'm not from the deep south at all, unless it would be southern California. My grandma, was from Missouri, though and I was fascinated as a child with her dialect and her penchant for lettuce friend in bacon grease... which to this day I can breathe in its remembered fragrance. Bless you, dear Sally!
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Congratulations on your second place finish this month. I will be a regular to your story. Fried lettuce? Down here we have deep fried Oreos and funnel cakes that are deep fried. ;))
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It was a special wilted lettuce that she fried (or I fried for her since she was wheelchair-bound).
Comment from LJbutterfly
Wow! I'm clinging to the edge of my chair, unable to read fast enough. Life has kept me away from my computer and I would have missed this chapter had I not gone to your profile to see what's been happening. I'm an impatient reader, and want to quickly hear the story Fanny is telling, but am enjoying the delayed pace with which she is telling it. I especially like the creative way you've kept Juniper in the shadows as though she were a ghost listening for the accuracy of Fanny's story. Now, if she moves about, she IS a ghost. This entire script is phenomenal.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2022
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Wow! I'm clinging to the edge of my chair, unable to read fast enough. Life has kept me away from my computer and I would have missed this chapter had I not gone to your profile to see what's been happening. I'm an impatient reader, and want to quickly hear the story Fanny is telling, but am enjoying the delayed pace with which she is telling it. I especially like the creative way you've kept Juniper in the shadows as though she were a ghost listening for the accuracy of Fanny's story. Now, if she moves about, she IS a ghost. This entire script is phenomenal.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2022
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Ohhhh, you have no idea how incredibly happy your review makes me, Lorraine. The feelings of Juniper's appearance as a ghost turned some people off. It's good to have some validation of my feelings. The six stars was the cherry! Thank you, friend!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
First off, I'm sorry my sixes have gone. I don't know what I've been doing this week, I wrote Ulla's review, gave her a six star and after I'd sent it, found out I'd sent it to a poet. All of it! I had to apologise to Ulla, and give her a five too. I lost two very dear friends on Sunday, one died in the morning, the other in the afternoon. I'm still not thinking straight, but I wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed this part. I realised Juniper was a ghost, and it was clarified in this part. That they loved each other was clear. Such a sad one, the white people were really awful back in those days. And the law was even worse when it came to what whites did to the black people. Your story is so powerful and makes such compelling reading, Jay, and I'm really enjoying it. Your six stars disappeared like Ulla's. Now I'm going to take myself off and lie down in a darkened room!!! Well done, my friend, another well written script. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2022
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First off, I'm sorry my sixes have gone. I don't know what I've been doing this week, I wrote Ulla's review, gave her a six star and after I'd sent it, found out I'd sent it to a poet. All of it! I had to apologise to Ulla, and give her a five too. I lost two very dear friends on Sunday, one died in the morning, the other in the afternoon. I'm still not thinking straight, but I wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed this part. I realised Juniper was a ghost, and it was clarified in this part. That they loved each other was clear. Such a sad one, the white people were really awful back in those days. And the law was even worse when it came to what whites did to the black people. Your story is so powerful and makes such compelling reading, Jay, and I'm really enjoying it. Your six stars disappeared like Ulla's. Now I'm going to take myself off and lie down in a darkened room!!! Well done, my friend, another well written script. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 23-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2022
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Don't you EVER worry about giving me a five. It's an honor coming from one of my dearest friends here. Sorry you lost two who were close to you. Was it Covid-related?
I'm so pleased you liked Juniper's showing up as a ghost. Some didn't care for it. Be blessed, my friend.
Comment from Father Flaps
Wow! That was a huge surprise, Jay. In your play, Juniper Albright is already a ghost...sitting there in the shadows, laying her head on Fanny's lap. That's why Fanny knew what the letter was about. She was afraid to open it all the same, though. It confirmed Juniper's presence in her home... for Juniper had been sentenced to forty years in prison... for what? Did she kill one of the Klan for hanging her father? At some point, if that's so, she must have discovered who was underneath that white hood. I wonder how she killed him? I expect we'll find out in the next scene when Fanny tells about the trial. I don't think there was as much leniency as there is today, where convicts can be freed for good behavior.
"Afore long, they's fears became his, an' Daddy started lookin' in the eyes o' the few negro freedmen 'n women what 'tended the services, an' he (swan) he saw somethin' in them eyes, too."
I 'member wakin' up an' rollin' to my side an' puttin' out my arm to pull her to me, 'cause I (swan) I feels her shiver clean through the springs 'n mattress an' I aims to pull her over to me an' keep her warm.
... (You're doing such a terrific job with the slang, Jay. But I think you should use "sworn" and "swore" here.)
Have I got this right at all, Jay?
There are a lot of modern-day KKK members out there. They are spread across the United States. And they have cousins, too ... neo-Nazis and white nationalists. Embarrassing for any American. These people are nothing more than hate groups. I bet there are many training exercises going on in many secret places through the states, waiting for the right time to cause some trouble. White supremacists, in camouflage. Vigilantes!
Nicely penned, Jay! Excellent work!
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2022
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Wow! That was a huge surprise, Jay. In your play, Juniper Albright is already a ghost...sitting there in the shadows, laying her head on Fanny's lap. That's why Fanny knew what the letter was about. She was afraid to open it all the same, though. It confirmed Juniper's presence in her home... for Juniper had been sentenced to forty years in prison... for what? Did she kill one of the Klan for hanging her father? At some point, if that's so, she must have discovered who was underneath that white hood. I wonder how she killed him? I expect we'll find out in the next scene when Fanny tells about the trial. I don't think there was as much leniency as there is today, where convicts can be freed for good behavior.
"Afore long, they's fears became his, an' Daddy started lookin' in the eyes o' the few negro freedmen 'n women what 'tended the services, an' he (swan) he saw somethin' in them eyes, too."
I 'member wakin' up an' rollin' to my side an' puttin' out my arm to pull her to me, 'cause I (swan) I feels her shiver clean through the springs 'n mattress an' I aims to pull her over to me an' keep her warm.
... (You're doing such a terrific job with the slang, Jay. But I think you should use "sworn" and "swore" here.)
Have I got this right at all, Jay?
There are a lot of modern-day KKK members out there. They are spread across the United States. And they have cousins, too ... neo-Nazis and white nationalists. Embarrassing for any American. These people are nothing more than hate groups. I bet there are many training exercises going on in many secret places through the states, waiting for the right time to cause some trouble. White supremacists, in camouflage. Vigilantes!
Nicely penned, Jay! Excellent work!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 23-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2022
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Many, many thanks, Kimbob. As to "swan" replacing "sworn" and "swore", swan was used by southerners. My grandmother used it for me, "I swan boy, you sure try my patience." Before I used it, I looked it up and this is what I found, But do you feel it's distracting? I hate to change it now because I've used it in a couple of chapters.
I'm thrilled you enjoyed the play over all. Scene after next will explain the trial. Next one is Fanny on stage, though. I hope to have some fun with it.
Meanwhile, huge thanks for the six stars! If you post this week, I won't be able to give you one, though I know in advance it will be stunning ... because all your work is stunning. I can never keep my last one, it seems, past Wednesday. Sorry.
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, I have to say. This play and interview is a bit on the longish side, and takes turns and pains getting Fanny to just say things. As for Juniper, like your previous two plays, I would think more about these spirits or ghost like characters, that not everyone sees.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2022
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Hmm, I have to say. This play and interview is a bit on the longish side, and takes turns and pains getting Fanny to just say things. As for Juniper, like your previous two plays, I would think more about these spirits or ghost like characters, that not everyone sees.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2022
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Long I will agree with. What famous writer (Twain, I think) said something like, "Sorry for the length of this letter. I don't have time to make it any shorter." (Your turn to say, "I've read Twain, Jay, and you're no Twain.") I know you were never a fan of Cililla, and for the same reason it carries over to Juniper. I happen to like the ghost devise, though I haven't perfected it yet. I always appreciate your feedback, Lance, and have a ton of respect for you as both a reviewer and a writer.
Comment from robyn corum
Jay,
Very nice. Some of the story confused me - notes on that below, but I enjoyed the whole post. I love historical posts - whether they're fiction or real. I love to LEARN as I read. It's a two-fer!
Some notes, if I may:
1.) It's like ya'all's sittin' in a tub o' muggy
--> y'all
--> contraction of 'you' and 'all'
--> later - I see you do understand that. *smile* (of course.)
2.) The negroes(') eyes ...?
3.) where was your daddy seeing all those--those negroes(') eyes?
4.) Juniper Eileen Albright on August 10th, in the year of our Lord, 1929.
--> confused. The opening states this porch-convo is taking place in 1928. A year before -- help?
As always, you offer something new and different for your readers. Something that lingers after the last line. I like it! Thanks, pal!
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2022
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Jay,
Very nice. Some of the story confused me - notes on that below, but I enjoyed the whole post. I love historical posts - whether they're fiction or real. I love to LEARN as I read. It's a two-fer!
Some notes, if I may:
1.) It's like ya'all's sittin' in a tub o' muggy
--> y'all
--> contraction of 'you' and 'all'
--> later - I see you do understand that. *smile* (of course.)
2.) The negroes(') eyes ...?
3.) where was your daddy seeing all those--those negroes(') eyes?
4.) Juniper Eileen Albright on August 10th, in the year of our Lord, 1929.
--> confused. The opening states this porch-convo is taking place in 1928. A year before -- help?
As always, you offer something new and different for your readers. Something that lingers after the last line. I like it! Thanks, pal!
Comment Written 23-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2022
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No, I do understand "y'all". What I was trying to do was contract y'all with "is". That's where the problem came in. Grammarly is rather snobbish with dialect anyway. He had a field-day with Fanny.
You're so right about the plural possessive of "negroes". I'm waiting until the promotion ends (tonight) to make those corrections.
I won't wait about the date problem. In fact, it's been changed. I'm hugely indebted to you for pointing that out.
Jay
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On point 1 did you understand it was misspelled? One too many *a*s.
Should be (y*all*s). Where stars = quotation marks.
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On point 1 did you understand it was misspelled? One too many *a*s.
Should be (y*all*s). Where stars = quotation marks.
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OMG, you don't know how many times I looked at that and thought it was written, "y'all's". Thanks, Robyn. I fixed it. While I'm at it I ought to go back in and fix all the "negroes" (Geez, that didn't come out right!) Again, thank you for all you do here!
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Haha!!! I get it.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This was a lively, well-written scene, but I felt that a few too many of the threads started were left unresolved, so I had a certain feeling of frustration to deal with.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2022
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This was a lively, well-written scene, but I felt that a few too many of the threads started were left unresolved, so I had a certain feeling of frustration to deal with.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2022
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I think I understand your frustration, Katherine. Actually, I think there were less threads than you realize. This scene states that Juniper's first peaceful rest came with Thurston Flourney lying dead in the dust at her feet. We learned at the end of scene one that she and Fanny had come to Brady so that Juniper could kill Thurston Flourney. I believe there is only one plot thread left a-dangle. And that will be clarified after the trial is explained.
Comment from lyenochka
Now I'm rather confused. So are we to understand that the Juniper Albright isn't really onstage but a figment of Fanny's mind? The stage directions has "JUNIPER comes around to face FANNY, and kneeling at her feet, she rests her cheek in FANNY'S lap" but the telegram says she's dead and was incarcerated for the last forty years.
Will the trial be about something that Juniper did or what Fanny's father did? A very peculiar turn of events!
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2022
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Now I'm rather confused. So are we to understand that the Juniper Albright isn't really onstage but a figment of Fanny's mind? The stage directions has "JUNIPER comes around to face FANNY, and kneeling at her feet, she rests her cheek in FANNY'S lap" but the telegram says she's dead and was incarcerated for the last forty years.
Will the trial be about something that Juniper did or what Fanny's father did? A very peculiar turn of events!
Comment Written 22-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2022
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Very good questions, Helen. Remember, I admitted to being a seat of your pantzer in that interview, and that it was wasteful. If I had it to do over again, I'd not have had Juniper in the earlier scenes. If I didn't post this bi-weekly (but instead, published this all at once as an entirely) I'd be editing out her earlier, non-intrusive, letter- reading scenes. Can't do that now. She is supposed to be an entity, in Fanny's mind; but also, after her actual death, as mentioned in the telegram, she had a ghostlike appearance where she tried to comfort her lovemate. I really wish I had the discipline of being an outliner. The trial on the other hand has to do with Fanny's father and those who lynched Juniper's papa. Juniper would have been a child then. Now you're more confused ... Sorry!
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No, you clarified! And I loved your interview answers! 💖
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Your allusion will draw the audience in. You are consistent with the regional dialect along with idioms and metaphors. I like your wordplay: "he was also a carrying man, wasn't he?" This is very poignant. Good work on the research. I will be back for the next scene.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2022
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Your allusion will draw the audience in. You are consistent with the regional dialect along with idioms and metaphors. I like your wordplay: "he was also a carrying man, wasn't he?" This is very poignant. Good work on the research. I will be back for the next scene.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2022
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Thank you, Liz. You are wonderful. It's good to know when something works.
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mighty glad to oblige