In Real Time
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Door Into the Dark"Stories of the Here and Now
10 total reviews
Comment from Annmuma
An excellent write!! I am so glad you called it to my attention and I had the opportunity to read it.
I have had an opportunity to establish a relationship with death very early in my life. I was 10 when my favorite uncle committed suicide and I heard all of the nonsense about suicide victims are not welcome in heaven. I was 12 when my mom died, but I had the advantage of an entire year or more of her explaining things to me as she had only been 13 when her mom passed. I was 20 when my dad had a heart attack and passed suddenly.
While walking on a path with my husband as we planned a trip to Australia to celebrate our 40th anniversary, he fell over and died with a heart attack. He was a perfectly man and I thought my own life was over. It wasn't. I met and married another super good man whom I lost to covid in December 2020.
What I am trying to say is I agree that the lives we live here can mold our thoughts. When I think of my mom and her instructions for life without her, it seems only natural to believe that because she lost her mom at about the same age, she was uniquely equipped to help me. That is just one of a hundred things that helped to convince me that life is forever and never by chance.
Thanks again for alerting me to this post. I recognize the multi-sides to the conversation of 'what's next'. It does come down to whatever one believes is true for them. ann
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2023
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An excellent write!! I am so glad you called it to my attention and I had the opportunity to read it.
I have had an opportunity to establish a relationship with death very early in my life. I was 10 when my favorite uncle committed suicide and I heard all of the nonsense about suicide victims are not welcome in heaven. I was 12 when my mom died, but I had the advantage of an entire year or more of her explaining things to me as she had only been 13 when her mom passed. I was 20 when my dad had a heart attack and passed suddenly.
While walking on a path with my husband as we planned a trip to Australia to celebrate our 40th anniversary, he fell over and died with a heart attack. He was a perfectly man and I thought my own life was over. It wasn't. I met and married another super good man whom I lost to covid in December 2020.
What I am trying to say is I agree that the lives we live here can mold our thoughts. When I think of my mom and her instructions for life without her, it seems only natural to believe that because she lost her mom at about the same age, she was uniquely equipped to help me. That is just one of a hundred things that helped to convince me that life is forever and never by chance.
Thanks again for alerting me to this post. I recognize the multi-sides to the conversation of 'what's next'. It does come down to whatever one believes is true for them. ann
Comment Written 17-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2023
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Thanks again for the exceptional review. I appreciate the support. estory
Comment from juliaSjames
There's a staged quality to this write. This isn't meant as a critique. I could visualize it as a stage play. The characters are well defined and the interaction works well. The author's father is very much involved. In fact he's the central figure even though he's passed.
We humans cannot know what happens after death. We speculate but we don't know. So your title is apt.
When I stood by my husband's death bed last year I asked out loud that he send us a sign that he was okay. I added that it should be a sign that we, his loved ones, would understand.
It could be called coincidence or wishful thinking, but that sign was given.
Thanks for sharing your talent
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2022
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There's a staged quality to this write. This isn't meant as a critique. I could visualize it as a stage play. The characters are well defined and the interaction works well. The author's father is very much involved. In fact he's the central figure even though he's passed.
We humans cannot know what happens after death. We speculate but we don't know. So your title is apt.
When I stood by my husband's death bed last year I asked out loud that he send us a sign that he was okay. I added that it should be a sign that we, his loved ones, would understand.
It could be called coincidence or wishful thinking, but that sign was given.
Thanks for sharing your talent
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 10-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2022
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Thanks for the great review and your encouraging comments. I kind of visualize these scenes happening around me, the conversation bubbling all around, and the tensions pulled tight by it, so your comments are very apt. I use people like my real life sisters and cousins and try to imagine how they would talk in this situation. estory
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is a really deep, philosophical piece of writing. It got to my soul. It made me sad thinking that life is so much like what you describe, now days. My family is all split up; we never all get together at one time anymore. I can understand all sides of the debate about afterlife, but I tend to agree with Ed on that part. Thanks for making us think. Well done.
A couple of little spags: "Sometimes he would try and(to) read the bible to me. " - this is a common error, but you either try to do something, or you do it.
"Mary was on vacation;(,) in Disneyworld, I think, with a friend." a semi-colon is used to join two complete, but related thoughts.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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This is a really deep, philosophical piece of writing. It got to my soul. It made me sad thinking that life is so much like what you describe, now days. My family is all split up; we never all get together at one time anymore. I can understand all sides of the debate about afterlife, but I tend to agree with Ed on that part. Thanks for making us think. Well done.
A couple of little spags: "Sometimes he would try and(to) read the bible to me. " - this is a common error, but you either try to do something, or you do it.
"Mary was on vacation;(,) in Disneyworld, I think, with a friend." a semi-colon is used to join two complete, but related thoughts.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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Thanks for the excellent review and your perspective on the piece, and all your suggestions. I am glad people thought it an emotional piece too, because much of it is about the interaction of the siblings contemplating their relationship and the life of their father after he passes. I agree with the narrator, of course, but I wanted to have all the viewpoints and show that in the end, there is no real way of knowing what the afterlife really is going to be like. estory
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You're welcome, estory. You did a great job.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well written.
twenty five - hyphen
I know dad had flown - Mom and dad should be capitalized whenever used in place of a name
when mom died, - same
working on it, in our basement. - comma not needed
I would have had to follow an outline, or notes. No way that i could keep up with whose turn it was to speak and to keep the characters true to themselves. Good work.
God bless you.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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Well written.
twenty five - hyphen
I know dad had flown - Mom and dad should be capitalized whenever used in place of a name
when mom died, - same
working on it, in our basement. - comma not needed
I would have had to follow an outline, or notes. No way that i could keep up with whose turn it was to speak and to keep the characters true to themselves. Good work.
God bless you.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and your comments and suggestions. I tried to identify the speakers as much as possible, so I was a bit surprised at your last comment. I thought the characters were pretty delineated. But it's nice to get different perspectives on it. estory
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You did, and very well. I was just commenting on how impossibly hard it would have been for me.
Comment from tfawcus
A remarkably good piece of writing. The construction is faultless. You have explored the modern phenomenon of widespread families in a way that will resonate with many, and you have used your characters skilfully to present a number of different views about death and the afterlife, should such a thing exist. Thought-provoking to say the least.
Sadly, I laid my last six to rest earlier this morning. I mourn its passing and regret that I am unable to resurrect it for you.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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A remarkably good piece of writing. The construction is faultless. You have explored the modern phenomenon of widespread families in a way that will resonate with many, and you have used your characters skilfully to present a number of different views about death and the afterlife, should such a thing exist. Thought-provoking to say the least.
Sadly, I laid my last six to rest earlier this morning. I mourn its passing and regret that I am unable to resurrect it for you.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and the encouraging comments you made on my piece. I wanted people to think and feel, and it looks like they thought and felt. I appreciate all the support and glad that my writing is making some kind of impact on some people. estory
Comment from Mary Vigasin
I did not think it was too long because it was so realistic to the feelings and effects of a death, funeral and the possible differences in opinions of family members.
Best wishes
Mary
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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I did not think it was too long because it was so realistic to the feelings and effects of a death, funeral and the possible differences in opinions of family members.
Best wishes
Mary
Comment Written 08-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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Thanks so much for the 5 star review and It was great and surprising to hear that it seemed not that long. I take it as a compliment to the writing to make the story interesting enough to keep people engaged. I appreciate all the support. estory
Comment from zanya
So worth reading, realistic and thought-provoking. If there is one event in life that focuses the mind it is the death of our nearest and dearest. Here the characters, almost in spite of themselves end up talking about the next life.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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So worth reading, realistic and thought-provoking. If there is one event in life that focuses the mind it is the death of our nearest and dearest. Here the characters, almost in spite of themselves end up talking about the next life.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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Thanks again for the generous sixer and all your support. estory
Comment from Melodie Michelle
I enjoyed reading this well written piece thoroughly! Excellent story my friend;-)
The storyline was very interesting and held my attention throughout the piece and the characters interact nicely together!
Thanks for sharing and may God bless you;-)
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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I enjoyed reading this well written piece thoroughly! Excellent story my friend;-)
The storyline was very interesting and held my attention throughout the piece and the characters interact nicely together!
Thanks for sharing and may God bless you;-)
Comment Written 08-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and the wonderful comments in support of this piece estory
Comment from Jennifer Keeley
This was creative and I agree with having things stripped down and it did work here. You managed to express how much the mind can race with the coulds, woulds, and shoulds. It was interesting how the characters acknowledged other parts of their lives-times missed, people gone,change,etc. This really can grab the attention of the reader and makes you think more about the meaning behind things.
Good job with this piece!
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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This was creative and I agree with having things stripped down and it did work here. You managed to express how much the mind can race with the coulds, woulds, and shoulds. It was interesting how the characters acknowledged other parts of their lives-times missed, people gone,change,etc. This really can grab the attention of the reader and makes you think more about the meaning behind things.
Good job with this piece!
Comment Written 08-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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Thanks so much for the good review and your perspective on the piece. Glad you thought it was thought provoking and interesting estory
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This post was not too long because it needed to posted as it is to get the full effect of it. If you divided it, then it wouldn't have flowed as well. Thank you for sharing. It does give a lot to ponder.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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This post was not too long because it needed to posted as it is to get the full effect of it. If you divided it, then it wouldn't have flowed as well. Thank you for sharing. It does give a lot to ponder.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and i am glad of the support for what I thought was a bit long for Fanstory. Thanks for the all the reads over all the years. I appreciate it. estory
