The Return
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The Return Chapter 6"Erotic Turmoil
37 total reviews
Comment from DeboraDyess
Just a thing or two -
Her eyes seemed to penetrate Margot's to the very depth of her soul, but said no more. > It sounds like you're expecting her eyes to say something.
Still read great. :)
I think Bessie's a ghost, of course! :)
Blessings,
D
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2022
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Just a thing or two -
Her eyes seemed to penetrate Margot's to the very depth of her soul, but said no more. > It sounds like you're expecting her eyes to say something.
Still read great. :)
I think Bessie's a ghost, of course! :)
Blessings,
D
Comment Written 25-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2022
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Hi Debs, I had spotted this one in my edited MS Word copy and changed it there, but forgot to change it on here. So, thanks for picking it up. It's so nice of you to read on, I'm posting part 13 tomorrow and it's going to be nerve wracking waiting for the reactions. Bessie a ghost? Hmm. Much love, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Very well written and getting more creepy. Margot not being able to go to work without pain and illness should be more shaken up, but she self-calms. Very scary when she was so normal when she first saw the house and is now becoming someone else.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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Very well written and getting more creepy. Margot not being able to go to work without pain and illness should be more shaken up, but she self-calms. Very scary when she was so normal when she first saw the house and is now becoming someone else.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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Hi Carol, thank you for reading and reviewing this chapter. Margot is in a bit of a pickle at the moment! Thanks for the lovely comments, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
Well, it's obvious isn't it. Bessie is Sandra alter ego! She always wanted to be a ghost, and now she is, or more like a conductor, making sure everyone plays their part.
The mystery and suspense are building up nicely, as is the increasing control of the spirit who inhabits the house, like the Phantom of the Opera.
Suggestions to consider:
In the second paragraph, I don't think you want Margot responding to chapter description.
[Which] (drop) I can honestly say, hand on heart, I haven't had [a moment's peace] since I stepped over the threshold of this house. So why am I feeling ... nervous? That's crazy, why would I be nervous about going back? I enjoy my job at the bank. Get a grip, Margot.
[And that's why] (drop) I have to get back to work. These crazy thoughts are doing my head in.
She tried to force herself forward, but [it was like] (drop) her feet [felt like they were] set in concrete.
This paragraph sounds like a real panic attack. Great description.
A marvelous chapter that heights the tension.
Well done.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2022
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Hello Sandra,
Well, it's obvious isn't it. Bessie is Sandra alter ego! She always wanted to be a ghost, and now she is, or more like a conductor, making sure everyone plays their part.
The mystery and suspense are building up nicely, as is the increasing control of the spirit who inhabits the house, like the Phantom of the Opera.
Suggestions to consider:
In the second paragraph, I don't think you want Margot responding to chapter description.
[Which] (drop) I can honestly say, hand on heart, I haven't had [a moment's peace] since I stepped over the threshold of this house. So why am I feeling ... nervous? That's crazy, why would I be nervous about going back? I enjoy my job at the bank. Get a grip, Margot.
[And that's why] (drop) I have to get back to work. These crazy thoughts are doing my head in.
She tried to force herself forward, but [it was like] (drop) her feet [felt like they were] set in concrete.
This paragraph sounds like a real panic attack. Great description.
A marvelous chapter that heights the tension.
Well done.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
Comment Written 08-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2022
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Thank you so much, Robert! Those edits were brilliant, I'm really grateful that you pointed them out. I've now made those edits.
I'm also really happy you thought the panic attack came across well. I took my time with that part. Thanks also for that lovely sixth star, this was a six star review, my friend. Thank you! Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from alexisleech
Another super chapter, Sandra. As always, you leave us impatient to read on. I can't wait to see where you're going with this, but like Margot, I'm a bit scared about where things might lead in order for her to be with her beloved ghost. Roll on Sunday!
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2022
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Another super chapter, Sandra. As always, you leave us impatient to read on. I can't wait to see where you're going with this, but like Margot, I'm a bit scared about where things might lead in order for her to be with her beloved ghost. Roll on Sunday!
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 08-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2022
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Thank you so much for the lovely review and all the stars!! I'm just writing chapter 9, that's when it all happens, 7 & 8 are ready to go.
I'm so pleased you are enjoying this one, my friend. I always highly value your opinion. Have a lovely day, love and hugs. Sandra xx
Comment from Cindy Warren
If Meg is Margo now, is it possible that Miles is also someone else? That doesn't work, tho, does it? Margo definitely has a ghost in that house, and he wants to keep her there. Is she in danger? But two ghosts can't pay the bills. Ah, I've got to stop trying to figure it out.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2022
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If Meg is Margo now, is it possible that Miles is also someone else? That doesn't work, tho, does it? Margo definitely has a ghost in that house, and he wants to keep her there. Is she in danger? But two ghosts can't pay the bills. Ah, I've got to stop trying to figure it out.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2022
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LOL, I'm getting so many people trying to work this plot out. You are right on the point that Margot has a ghost in the house. The rest??? Hmm. Thank you so much, Cindy, for another amazing review. You made me smile, so it's a great start to my day. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with this interesting chapter, Sandra. I enjoyed reading it. Bessie has been a busy one in this chapter. She knew Meg would go to the church/cemetery. She was right there to point the way to the graves. Perhaps Miles spirit is keeping her from going to work because of the possible danger to her, and in a way 'guided' her to the church. Both Miles and Bessie appear when something is about to happen or when Margot is thinking about the past. There's a definite reason the church/cemetery are important places in this story. When Miles said he was only a whisper away, I believe he is like her guardian angel. Bessie knows the whole family story from the time of the first Meg up to the accident. I believe her purpose is to have Margot discover more clues and figure out the truth. You described the church and surroundings vividly. I could picture both.
Great job.
Respectfully, Jan
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2022
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You did a great job with this interesting chapter, Sandra. I enjoyed reading it. Bessie has been a busy one in this chapter. She knew Meg would go to the church/cemetery. She was right there to point the way to the graves. Perhaps Miles spirit is keeping her from going to work because of the possible danger to her, and in a way 'guided' her to the church. Both Miles and Bessie appear when something is about to happen or when Margot is thinking about the past. There's a definite reason the church/cemetery are important places in this story. When Miles said he was only a whisper away, I believe he is like her guardian angel. Bessie knows the whole family story from the time of the first Meg up to the accident. I believe her purpose is to have Margot discover more clues and figure out the truth. You described the church and surroundings vividly. I could picture both.
Great job.
Respectfully, Jan
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 07-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2022
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You always write such thorough reviews, giving me your thoughts on where it might be going, and I love that, Jan. Thank you so much for this really lovely review. I do so appreciate you. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from l.raven
Hi Sandra, I knew it...REINCANATION...
and Bessie's a bit on the...well you know...
like one of the maids working in a very run
down castle...and she answers the door...
YYEESS!!! like Lurch in the Adams family...
she knows Margot is living a double life...
just both people live inside her...and I
think one is about to be evicted...and I don't
think it will be Meg...
so now I'm pretty sure...well almost positive...
Miles is the dating game winner...and Bessie is
somehow related to him...I would pretty much think
Miles left Bessie enough money to take care of Margot...
and her...
OK!!! I'm getting to far ahead of myself...I'll have
to wait and see what will happen next...not unless you
would like to give me one of those sooooo helpful hints
of yours...
I can tell you this...if a ghost wrapped his arms around
someone...peaceful won't be their first thought...
as for me...if a ghost wrapped his arm around me...made me feel protested...had a soft husky voice...I would say...look Bobby (husband passed)...if you wanted to protest me...you should have given up the Hostess cupcakes...
a great chapter my amazing friend...but all your chapters
are...TRULY leaves a reader wanting more...very well written you...lets see what happens next...love you to core of the
earth...thought I would go a different way...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2022
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Hi Sandra, I knew it...REINCANATION...
and Bessie's a bit on the...well you know...
like one of the maids working in a very run
down castle...and she answers the door...
YYEESS!!! like Lurch in the Adams family...
she knows Margot is living a double life...
just both people live inside her...and I
think one is about to be evicted...and I don't
think it will be Meg...
so now I'm pretty sure...well almost positive...
Miles is the dating game winner...and Bessie is
somehow related to him...I would pretty much think
Miles left Bessie enough money to take care of Margot...
and her...
OK!!! I'm getting to far ahead of myself...I'll have
to wait and see what will happen next...not unless you
would like to give me one of those sooooo helpful hints
of yours...
I can tell you this...if a ghost wrapped his arms around
someone...peaceful won't be their first thought...
as for me...if a ghost wrapped his arm around me...made me feel protested...had a soft husky voice...I would say...look Bobby (husband passed)...if you wanted to protest me...you should have given up the Hostess cupcakes...
a great chapter my amazing friend...but all your chapters
are...TRULY leaves a reader wanting more...very well written you...lets see what happens next...love you to core of the
earth...thought I would go a different way...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 07-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2022
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LOL!! Poor Bobby, I'm sure you didn't really begrudge him his cupcakes ... did you?? Lol.
Lots will be happening in the next chapter, and then the following one ... well ... and then ... as you would expect ... but of course you know that, don't you? Hmmm Please don't pass these secrets to other readers, they like surprises. LOL!!!!!
Thank you for that golden globe, my wonderful friend, dear friend, and for this wonderful, really funny review. Love you to the end of the universe and back! (I like space travel!) xxxx Sandra
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no I didn't take his cupcakes away...
but I should of hide some...he would take a box of them on the train everyday...and about 6-7 diet cokes...and he's lunch on top of that...but he was on the train pretty much everyday for 12 hours...and then some until he punch out...which could be 14-16 hours...
and he stopped smoking cigarettes for about 6 months...and came home smoking cigars one day...I wanted to choke him...but I loved him...it was like having a third kid...
your suppose to come back and correct what's
not true....HUMMMMMMM...love ya girl...
so soooooo welcome...alwayssssssssssss....
now I off to get slice of pizza...Chicago style....so I'll send you tons of love from the pizza parlor...xxoo
Comment from tfawcus
The plot continues to unfold gradually, with enough mystery to keep readers interested. I'm getting a good idea of Margot as a person and her state of mind. The magnetic pull towards the house and the gravestones is an interesting development.
I was aware of quite a few unnecessary words and phrases in this chapter that will probably come out during the editing process. I'm sure you'll spot most of them on re-reading. Things like The few new headstones stood out like sentinels, protecting the (other) older graves and She was surprised to discover how, by (just) saying his name aloud, it made her feel safe. It felt (so) familiar, as if she used it a lot. Nothing major, but enough to take me out of the story on occasions.
This continues to be an interesting tale with strong characterisation and dialogue and intriguing plot twists. Don't keep us waiting too long for the next part!
All good wishes Tony
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2022
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The plot continues to unfold gradually, with enough mystery to keep readers interested. I'm getting a good idea of Margot as a person and her state of mind. The magnetic pull towards the house and the gravestones is an interesting development.
I was aware of quite a few unnecessary words and phrases in this chapter that will probably come out during the editing process. I'm sure you'll spot most of them on re-reading. Things like The few new headstones stood out like sentinels, protecting the (other) older graves and She was surprised to discover how, by (just) saying his name aloud, it made her feel safe. It felt (so) familiar, as if she used it a lot. Nothing major, but enough to take me out of the story on occasions.
This continues to be an interesting tale with strong characterisation and dialogue and intriguing plot twists. Don't keep us waiting too long for the next part!
All good wishes Tony
Comment Written 07-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2022
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Thank you so much, Tony, for this lovely review and the golden star.
The next two chapters will be more revealing and then...
You're right, I do go over the book a few times when it's finished, and then have it 'read aloud' on the computer. That way I can also listen out for more errors. I've nipped in and removed those words you pointed out and a couple more. Thank you for that. I do appreciate it a lot when I get these wonderful edits.
The next chapter is ready to go, but it's the pumps that hold me back. Thanks again, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from JudyE
This gets more and more intriguing. I wonder what Margot has got herself into.
Just a few points:
The gate made in such a way - should be 'was made'
Margot looked at the dates of some that were still evident, and remembering the year of Meg's death - the comma should be after 'and'
Margot spun around, not having heard a sound, she'd been surprised to hear Bessie's voice, and astonished to see her standing there. - I would put a period after 'around'
Her eyes seemed to penetrate Margot's to the very depth of her soul, but said no more about it. - maybe 'Her eyes seemed to penetrate Margot's to the very depth of her soul, but she said no more.
Margot turned around to see where Bessie was pointing, and moved slowly towards them. - maybe 'and moved slowly forward.
The nearer Margot got, the harder she was finding it to breathe. - maybe 'The nearer Margot got, the harder it was to breathe.'
Best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2022
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This gets more and more intriguing. I wonder what Margot has got herself into.
Just a few points:
The gate made in such a way - should be 'was made'
Margot looked at the dates of some that were still evident, and remembering the year of Meg's death - the comma should be after 'and'
Margot spun around, not having heard a sound, she'd been surprised to hear Bessie's voice, and astonished to see her standing there. - I would put a period after 'around'
Her eyes seemed to penetrate Margot's to the very depth of her soul, but said no more about it. - maybe 'Her eyes seemed to penetrate Margot's to the very depth of her soul, but she said no more.
Margot turned around to see where Bessie was pointing, and moved slowly towards them. - maybe 'and moved slowly forward.
The nearer Margot got, the harder she was finding it to breathe. - maybe 'The nearer Margot got, the harder it was to breathe.'
Best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 07-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2022
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Thank you so much, Judy, for another very helpful review. I've made all the corrections. I'm glad I'm still keeping your attention!! :)) Thank's my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
This is getting a little worrisome. Margot has gotten herself into some deep thinking. And Bessie sounds a little concerning, also. I think Margot should pack up her belongings and find another place to live, but will she?
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2022
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This is getting a little worrisome. Margot has gotten herself into some deep thinking. And Bessie sounds a little concerning, also. I think Margot should pack up her belongings and find another place to live, but will she?
Comment Written 07-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2022
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Thank you so much for another lovely review, Rosemary. Will Margot move? She might, but where? That's another question. The next two parts will be a bit more revealing. Thanks, my friend. I enjoy your reviews. Warm hugs, Sandra xx