Back In Time For Breakfast
A story from the battlefield in World War One. (400 words)11 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
hi there,
nice little story which should do well in the competition. The ending is smile-inducing which is never a bad thing.
Technically, for each new paragraph in dialogue, there should be opening speech marks (but only one set of closing ones at the very end)
Always makes me laugh when the author notes are longer than the story....
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2022
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hi there,
nice little story which should do well in the competition. The ending is smile-inducing which is never a bad thing.
Technically, for each new paragraph in dialogue, there should be opening speech marks (but only one set of closing ones at the very end)
Always makes me laugh when the author notes are longer than the story....
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 28-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2022
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Thanks for your supportive comments and the advice regarding speech marks.
Comment from Debbie Pope
I love your story, and I love your footnotes. At first I thought, oh the English and their tea. Imagine risking a soldier's life to capture some tea. Then I read your notes, and they made me think just how much the tea did for the soldier morale. If it were me, coffee would be worth its weight in gold.
Your paragraphs were exciting. Your ending surprised me and made me think. Well done.
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I love your story, and I love your footnotes. At first I thought, oh the English and their tea. Imagine risking a soldier's life to capture some tea. Then I read your notes, and they made me think just how much the tea did for the soldier morale. If it were me, coffee would be worth its weight in gold.
Your paragraphs were exciting. Your ending surprised me and made me think. Well done.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
Comment from Michele Harber
Interesting story, and I'd never have thought tea were so important that one would risk life and limb to obtain it. (Of course, I've also never been British.) This was obviously researched well (as your end notes attest), as you provide a great deal of believable detail, from "tangled barbed wire and muddy, ice-encrusted ridges" to "shelter[ing] against a dead horse."
The American equivalent of "Tommy Atkins" is "G.I. Joe." I've never heard coffee referred to in the U.S. as "a cup of George," but we do call it "a cup of Joe."
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2022
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Interesting story, and I'd never have thought tea were so important that one would risk life and limb to obtain it. (Of course, I've also never been British.) This was obviously researched well (as your end notes attest), as you provide a great deal of believable detail, from "tangled barbed wire and muddy, ice-encrusted ridges" to "shelter[ing] against a dead horse."
The American equivalent of "Tommy Atkins" is "G.I. Joe." I've never heard coffee referred to in the U.S. as "a cup of George," but we do call it "a cup of Joe."
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2022
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I don't drink tea or coffee myself, so I don't understand the obsession (addiction?) either.
Maybe coffee in US is referred to as a 'cup of Joe' because of GI Joes drinking it, or George was misheard as Joe over the period of time.
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The addiction is caffeine, for its ability to keep you awake. Most Americans drink coffee to start their day, but I don't personally like the taste, so I don't drink it. I drink hot tea occasionally, but I drink peach-flavored bottled iced tea on a regular basis, for the taste and the low calorie count.
I never heard the story behind calling coffee "cup of Joe" but, since I don't drink it anyway, I never really cared.
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That peach-flavored tea sounds nice. I like drinking an aloe-vera drink, pale green, that I discovered in an Asian grocery store.
Comment from Debra White
Hello LisaMay :)
I have to say, there's nothing like a cup of tea to lift spirits!
I enjoyed reading your well written piece. Excellent use of dialogue throughout and your descriptions took us straight to the trenches. The author notes are are informative and relevant and I enjoyed reading those too.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes as always, Debra :)
For consideration: 'Aware (of) how much his fellow soldiers were depending on him,'
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Hello LisaMay :)
I have to say, there's nothing like a cup of tea to lift spirits!
I enjoyed reading your well written piece. Excellent use of dialogue throughout and your descriptions took us straight to the trenches. The author notes are are informative and relevant and I enjoyed reading those too.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes as always, Debra :)
For consideration: 'Aware (of) how much his fellow soldiers were depending on him,'
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
Comment from robyn corum
LisaMay,
hahahaha Well, I laugh, but this is probably far more true than even we can realize. It's really crazy how some things we take for granted can become so important at certain times.
This was well written and really enjoyable.
A single note, if I may:
(")Our horses and donkeys are all dead,
--> since he's still talking
Thanks and good luck! (PS - I really prefer your war story than some others. A nice change!)
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LisaMay,
hahahaha Well, I laugh, but this is probably far more true than even we can realize. It's really crazy how some things we take for granted can become so important at certain times.
This was well written and really enjoyable.
A single note, if I may:
(")Our horses and donkeys are all dead,
--> since he's still talking
Thanks and good luck! (PS - I really prefer your war story than some others. A nice change!)
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
Comment from Mary Vigasin
A very strong and good story for the contest. You not only kept the reader's interest with suspense and imagery, but the resource you did was also an added plus to your posting.
Well done.
Best wishes,
Mary
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A very strong and good story for the contest. You not only kept the reader's interest with suspense and imagery, but the resource you did was also an added plus to your posting.
Well done.
Best wishes,
Mary
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I enjoyed this gentle approach to this story focusing on this things most important in life! Putting the kettle on is a sound that the British always find comforting. I gave up drinking tea 45 years ago and my two girls love their cup of tea and find no comfort in my kitchen now. But I win with a bottle of Prosecco! A sweet well penned story, very entertaining Lisa, love Dolly x
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I enjoyed this gentle approach to this story focusing on this things most important in life! Putting the kettle on is a sound that the British always find comforting. I gave up drinking tea 45 years ago and my two girls love their cup of tea and find no comfort in my kitchen now. But I win with a bottle of Prosecco! A sweet well penned story, very entertaining Lisa, love Dolly x
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
Comment from royowen
Well there you go, I have learnt something today. They say if you get up in the morning and you go to bed without learning something, it hasn't been a good day. (I made that up) thanks for this, it was an education. Excellent story, well done, blessings Roy
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Well there you go, I have learnt something today. They say if you get up in the morning and you go to bed without learning something, it hasn't been a good day. (I made that up) thanks for this, it was an education. Excellent story, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
Comment from lyenochka
What a great amount of information you supplied in your notes! And I like you kept us guessing as to what was this perilous mission and it was to get the tea! And how much they all needed that to keep their spirits up. Loved the story and hope you do well in the contest!!
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What a great amount of information you supplied in your notes! And I like you kept us guessing as to what was this perilous mission and it was to get the tea! And how much they all needed that to keep their spirits up. Loved the story and hope you do well in the contest!!
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
Comment from Wendy G
A great story, and I admit to holding my breath until he was safely back. Then to realise that they needed tea! But as your notes indicate that was more important than initially meets the eye. This would have been good in the war story contest! Very good writing.
Wendy
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reply by the author on 27-Jan-2022
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A great story, and I admit to holding my breath until he was safely back. Then to realise that they needed tea! But as your notes indicate that was more important than initially meets the eye. This would have been good in the war story contest! Very good writing.
Wendy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2022
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Thanks Wendy. It is entered in that contest. When I saw how bloodthirsty Jannypan's entry was I went for a gentler approach.
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Oh yes, I went straight to reading your notes and missed seeing it was in the contest.
