Rick's Bar and Saloon
The daily crowd at the local watering hole.15 total reviews
Comment from Susan Newell
This is a beautifully told story in a unique and well described setting, about guilt, sorrow, forgiveness, salvation and redemption. I loved the Emily character. Great job. I have made some proofing/editing notes below.
rebuilt the bar, putting a new solid Oak top and six new -- wood species are not capped
my sorry Father to come home with me." -- father is capped only when used as an appellation in place of a given name
lightning move, knees him in the crotch! -- I think the exclamation mark detracts; better to reserve them for dialogue
If let Mama die without -- missing "you"
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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This is a beautifully told story in a unique and well described setting, about guilt, sorrow, forgiveness, salvation and redemption. I loved the Emily character. Great job. I have made some proofing/editing notes below.
rebuilt the bar, putting a new solid Oak top and six new -- wood species are not capped
my sorry Father to come home with me." -- father is capped only when used as an appellation in place of a given name
lightning move, knees him in the crotch! -- I think the exclamation mark detracts; better to reserve them for dialogue
If let Mama die without -- missing "you"
Comment Written 28-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Hi, Susan. Thank you for your kind words and help with this story!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Hi, Susan. Thank you for your kind words and help with this story!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Hi, Susan. Thank you for your kind words and help with this story!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Hi, Susan. Thank you for your kind words and help with this story!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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You are most welcome, Mike.
Comment from RodG
I like how you took your time setting the scene before introducing the two major characters, Emily and her dad. She seems mighty mature for a teenager, but she had to grow up fast. The dialog seems real as she tells everyone in the bar their story. A bit soap opera-ish, but I enjoyed this.
Rod
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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I like how you took your time setting the scene before introducing the two major characters, Emily and her dad. She seems mighty mature for a teenager, but she had to grow up fast. The dialog seems real as she tells everyone in the bar their story. A bit soap opera-ish, but I enjoyed this.
Rod
Comment Written 28-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Hi, Rod. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Hi, Rod. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Hi, Rod. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Hi, Rod. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Ethan Vandervelden
I appreciated the meaning and sentiment behind this story. You did an excellent job of keeping the reader engaged and the story flows along quite nicely.
One potential SPAG for your consideration:
{If (???) let Mama die without seeing her - he hasn't got enough whiskey for you to drown that sorrow!"}--a missing word.
The story is thoughtful and tragic, but manages to have the happiest ending it could.
I also enjoyed that you left the end a little open so the reader can imagine what happens in the characters future.
Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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I appreciated the meaning and sentiment behind this story. You did an excellent job of keeping the reader engaged and the story flows along quite nicely.
One potential SPAG for your consideration:
{If (???) let Mama die without seeing her - he hasn't got enough whiskey for you to drown that sorrow!"}--a missing word.
The story is thoughtful and tragic, but manages to have the happiest ending it could.
I also enjoyed that you left the end a little open so the reader can imagine what happens in the characters future.
Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 28-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Hi, Ethan. Thank you for your kind words and help with this story!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from the13thpoet
hello Papa55Mike a fantastic Friday to you. I hope this finds you well. I enjoyed your story, it was well-written and touching. Your words painted a visual that made it feel as though i was there. Good job and have a great day.
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reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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hello Papa55Mike a fantastic Friday to you. I hope this finds you well. I enjoyed your story, it was well-written and touching. Your words painted a visual that made it feel as though i was there. Good job and have a great day.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That made me go all goose-pimply Mike, what a lovely story. I'm glad he went to see his wife, wrong doing happens, so does forgiveness. It's forgiving oneself that is the hardest of all. I loved the way Emily sorted Jimmy out! Lol. Wonderful story, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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That made me go all goose-pimply Mike, what a lovely story. I'm glad he went to see his wife, wrong doing happens, so does forgiveness. It's forgiving oneself that is the hardest of all. I loved the way Emily sorted Jimmy out! Lol. Wonderful story, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
-
Hi, Sandra. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
