Las Vegas Arena
Battle of the Presidents contest entry12 total reviews
Comment from rosehill (Wendy)
Perfection. The snide, the sarcastic, the demeaning the derogatory, the slicing and dicing of the former fiascos and historic heroes alike was delicious. Great food for thought and lots of laughter. Thank you for offering this to us. - Wendy
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2022
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Perfection. The snide, the sarcastic, the demeaning the derogatory, the slicing and dicing of the former fiascos and historic heroes alike was delicious. Great food for thought and lots of laughter. Thank you for offering this to us. - Wendy
Comment Written 25-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2022
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Thank you so much for the awesome review and giant sixer, Wendy. I just had to get in on the fun with this one. It combines all the stuff I like when writing stories; action, violence and humor. Lol. I really appreciate the gracious rating, Wendy. I'm glad you liked my ridiculous offering. Have yourself a great weekend and thank you again.
=]
Ron
Comment from SimianSavant
This epic bloodbath of an entry does not disappoint, with a smorgasbord of creative deaths and deliberate butcherings of epic quotes that sometimes surpass the more literal slaughter. All your dialogue is fantastic. Some of my favorite parts were "Wendy slipped John her number" and the conclusion with Biden and Trump's beautiful and deserved deaths. George Washington surviving to take back the country -- what better catharsis could we ask for?
Comments on a few edits: The first paragraph has a few obvious typos (like ";" vs. ":") and fragments, and the piece has a bunch of extra line breaks, which are easily fixed. When you are writing in Notepad, make sure you have word wrap turned on. I know it can also tend to insert line breaks if you save and close a document, so I tend to save only, without closing, in my Notepad drafts to avoid this. I might have mentioned Notepad++ to you earlier -- I have also recently taken lately to typing right into wordcounter.net, as it dynamically saves as I write, even if I close the browser.
I can imagine a few of the older Fanstory folks here cheering on the slaughter. Except maybe the death of Lincoln. In my version, he and Obama seem to be allies, well, at least so far. Good luck in the final rounds of voting!
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2022
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This epic bloodbath of an entry does not disappoint, with a smorgasbord of creative deaths and deliberate butcherings of epic quotes that sometimes surpass the more literal slaughter. All your dialogue is fantastic. Some of my favorite parts were "Wendy slipped John her number" and the conclusion with Biden and Trump's beautiful and deserved deaths. George Washington surviving to take back the country -- what better catharsis could we ask for?
Comments on a few edits: The first paragraph has a few obvious typos (like ";" vs. ":") and fragments, and the piece has a bunch of extra line breaks, which are easily fixed. When you are writing in Notepad, make sure you have word wrap turned on. I know it can also tend to insert line breaks if you save and close a document, so I tend to save only, without closing, in my Notepad drafts to avoid this. I might have mentioned Notepad++ to you earlier -- I have also recently taken lately to typing right into wordcounter.net, as it dynamically saves as I write, even if I close the browser.
I can imagine a few of the older Fanstory folks here cheering on the slaughter. Except maybe the death of Lincoln. In my version, he and Obama seem to be allies, well, at least so far. Good luck in the final rounds of voting!
Comment Written 22-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2022
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Lol, yeah there weren't any allies in this one. Haha. Thank you for the outstanding review and giant sixer, friend. I'm too tired and loaded to try to figure out where I need a ";" instead of a ":" I work at night and by the time I'm on here, I'm a few shots in. Lol. As far as I can see, I only used 'fragments' once and it looks like it's spelled correctly to me. Maybe I'm missing it somewhere.
I had fun with this contest, D. Thanks for sponsoring it and again, thanks for the great review. I'm glad you liked this silly piece.
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Oh by fragment, what I meant was a sentence lacking a properly formed subject and predicate. "Bob jumped off a building" is a sentence. "The bout between Presidents" is lacking a verb, so I would simply join it to the previous sentence with a colon.
The sentence a little after it needs a little tweaking: "the last man standing in this, <= *eliminate comma*
free-for-all will => determine who will <= *eliminate words inside arrows*
reign as our final President
Yeah I also often write late at night. Usually get off sometime around midnight, but if I get off early and a contest deadline is coming up at midnight I might go to a hookah bar and knock out 500 words in half an hour right on my phone. A lot of funny stuff gets written really fast, sometimes in terrible conditions, with insanely loud rap music being blasted around me, and for some of the worst contests. But I think Notepad on my laptop is a better and much faster process for anything longer than short poems, and much better and more efficient for editing and reviewing.
Oh, I have a couple more weird contests coming up this weekend. After that we will need some new ones.
Comment from LisaMay
Hey now, didn't you have fun here, killing off so many presidents. It felt like I was at the Roman Coliseum with a bunch of gladiators. I'm exhausted. So many funny bits. I loved the bit where spineless Joe was armed with a potato peeler.
"This is my county (country?), you orange haired freak!"
The annoncer (announcer) raised Washington's hand.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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Hey now, didn't you have fun here, killing off so many presidents. It felt like I was at the Roman Coliseum with a bunch of gladiators. I'm exhausted. So many funny bits. I loved the bit where spineless Joe was armed with a potato peeler.
"This is my county (country?), you orange haired freak!"
The annoncer (announcer) raised Washington's hand.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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Hahaha. You're the only one to mention the potato peeler. Thank you for catching the goofs. I hate how I can read something a hundred times over and still not see little mistakes like that. Yrs, this was fun. I might add another joke or two in there yet. Can't go without mentioning Reagan's monkey in there. LoL. Thank you for the great review and again for pointing out the mistakes, Lisa.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well written (grammar and punctuation).
I thought it gratuitous to put a non-president in there (Hillary). Historically, there could have been many other losing candidates: Goldwater, Adlai Stevenson, Thomas E. Dewey, William Jennings Bryan, Aaron Burr, etc.
You did not account for FDR's wheel chair.
Neither did you, in my opinion, account for the strength and vigor of some of the past presidents.
On a historical perspective, I would rate it a one or two. Sorry.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2022
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Well written (grammar and punctuation).
I thought it gratuitous to put a non-president in there (Hillary). Historically, there could have been many other losing candidates: Goldwater, Adlai Stevenson, Thomas E. Dewey, William Jennings Bryan, Aaron Burr, etc.
You did not account for FDR's wheel chair.
Neither did you, in my opinion, account for the strength and vigor of some of the past presidents.
On a historical perspective, I would rate it a one or two. Sorry.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2022
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I guess being resurrected from the dead healed FDR from his wheelchair. Hillary didn't kill not be killed. I was just making a dumb joke. I got lucky that the contest for presidents fighting in a all out battle to the death didn't require historical accuracy. There's plenty of spots still open in the contest. I'm sure many on here will appreciate such presidential accuracy if you wanted to join in the fun. Thank you for the great review and stars, Wayne.
Comment from Earl Corp
Wow! You had a lot more gratuitous violence in this than the other one did. You forgot to mention Reagan and the other Roosevelt. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2022
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Wow! You had a lot more gratuitous violence in this than the other one did. You forgot to mention Reagan and the other Roosevelt. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2022
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Ah yes, I had one for Reagan and totally forgot to put it in. I'll have to give that some thought. Thank you for the great review and reminder, Earl. I really appreciate the generous stars, friend.
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Did I follow the prompt someone made a stink that it was supposed to be a death match and Ididn't make it explicit.
Comment from LyndaS
Giving you a sixer on this for the effort you put into it. I'm not a big fan of violence but I'm glad I read the whole thing. Some parts were pretty funny. This is a hell of a write for an obscure contest. It reads well and smoothly for all of that bloody action. I think contest requirements were filled in spades with this one. Good luck in the booth, author!
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2022
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Giving you a sixer on this for the effort you put into it. I'm not a big fan of violence but I'm glad I read the whole thing. Some parts were pretty funny. This is a hell of a write for an obscure contest. It reads well and smoothly for all of that bloody action. I think contest requirements were filled in spades with this one. Good luck in the booth, author!
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much for the great review and big sixer, Lynda. Yeah, I tend to lean toward the violent side when I'm writing dumb stuff like this. Lol. I dearly appreciate the rating over all the murder. That's what I figured the contest holder was wanting. Have yourself a great day and thank you again.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Now that's carnage!. Good piece, action handled well and good fun.
Some things i jotted down as I read through-
all forty-six Presidents are here in the ring today.- this would be factually incorrect. Grover Cleeveland served 2 non-successive terms making him the 22nd & 24th Presidents. Unless he was resurrected twice there could only have been 45 combatants.
he turned and
hurled it at James Polk - point of order! Incredibly difficult to hurl a sledgehammer...
The killing continued until only two opponents were left. - okay, this line turns out to be a total lie by the narrator and misleading. Cheap trick. literary suicide! (it may be more apt to say something like the carnage ensued until only two presidents were left standing)
hen
he walked off the field with his head held high and the sweet
brunette cradled in his arm.- and presumably died almost immediately from blood-loss! lol
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2022
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Hi there,
Now that's carnage!. Good piece, action handled well and good fun.
Some things i jotted down as I read through-
all forty-six Presidents are here in the ring today.- this would be factually incorrect. Grover Cleeveland served 2 non-successive terms making him the 22nd & 24th Presidents. Unless he was resurrected twice there could only have been 45 combatants.
he turned and
hurled it at James Polk - point of order! Incredibly difficult to hurl a sledgehammer...
The killing continued until only two opponents were left. - okay, this line turns out to be a total lie by the narrator and misleading. Cheap trick. literary suicide! (it may be more apt to say something like the carnage ensued until only two presidents were left standing)
hen
he walked off the field with his head held high and the sweet
brunette cradled in his arm.- and presumably died almost immediately from blood-loss! lol
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2022
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Thanks for pointing out the goof in numbers, GMG. I fixed it. Plus I was trying to be misleading but also changed that, adding 'standing.'
The sledgehammer hurling really depends on the size of it. Yes, probably hard to 'hurl' but I liked that better than other options I gave thought to. I changed the goof and suggestions. I really appreciate the help and great review, friend. Have a good one.
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Nice one - maybe need to change this wee bit as well - ur final United States President.
Forty-six men enter. Only one will leave. - to 45 men enter, just below where you made the initial number change.
Good stuff
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Ahhhhh. Thank you again. I've been up all night working and I've had a shot or four since I've been home. Lol. I appreciate the help, friend. Any chance I could get a slight bump up on the rating after the fixes? No biggie if not. I really appreciate you catching the mistakes. Thanks again.
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Absolutely. All done
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello unnamed writer a happy Thursday to you. I hope this finds you well. I have to say I really enjoyed your battle of the Presidents contest entry. I have to say the last 4 paragraphs really put over the top. Trump nearly cut in two and big George reclaiming the country like an O.G. awesome. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2022
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Hello unnamed writer a happy Thursday to you. I hope this finds you well. I have to say I really enjoyed your battle of the Presidents contest entry. I have to say the last 4 paragraphs really put over the top. Trump nearly cut in two and big George reclaiming the country like an O.G. awesome. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the fantastic review, 13. I really appreciate the generous stars and good luck wishes, friend. I'm glad you liked this silly piece.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
I like this fiction and read this work and found the work has peculiar form of fictional work telling expressively about the battle of the presidents, narrative taletelling is sound and planned about expressive stand of the theme; anyway, people waited for the event and wished to feel proud of; well said, well done; post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2022
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I like this fiction and read this work and found the work has peculiar form of fictional work telling expressively about the battle of the presidents, narrative taletelling is sound and planned about expressive stand of the theme; anyway, people waited for the event and wished to feel proud of; well said, well done; post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the great review and generous stars, Al. I'm glad you liked this silly, dark piece.
Comment from Susan Newell
Well, I really don't know what to say. I can say that there were many clever insertions and references, but I just can't imagine most of these esteemed men participating in such a fashion. But fiction knows no bounds. Interesting to say the least.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2022
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Well, I really don't know what to say. I can say that there were many clever insertions and references, but I just can't imagine most of these esteemed men participating in such a fashion. But fiction knows no bounds. Interesting to say the least.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the great review, Susan. This was for a contest that required them all to participate in a fight to the death. Yes, I'm sure many wouldn't have even given this a moment of thought. Lol. I appreciate the generous stars, S. Thank you again.
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You are welcome.
