Rise from the Fall
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Why we Fight"From one life to another
4 total reviews
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Good work.
"It's probably one of your Aunts stalkers. - aunt's
We walk out into the open, and the group eyes us. - no comma
Becka points to herself than me. - 'then' me, or 'and then'
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2022
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Good work.
"It's probably one of your Aunts stalkers. - aunt's
We walk out into the open, and the group eyes us. - no comma
Becka points to herself than me. - 'then' me, or 'and then'
Best wishes.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2022
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Thank you.
Comment from prettybluebirds
I think I can remember reading this before or something similar. It has the makings of a great story. the dialogue is very well done which makes the story easier to follow and understand. I will watch for more of the same.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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I think I can remember reading this before or something similar. It has the makings of a great story. the dialogue is very well done which makes the story easier to follow and understand. I will watch for more of the same.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed my work.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You have a good story with lots of imagination and interesting characters involved. However, you need to read aloud what you have written and listen to be sure that is what you meant. You write about the noise of a curtin, do you mean curtain? She pulls my (me) back . . . ascend should be ascent" . . . once (prude) district . . . I have no idea what you mean by this. You call some people stockers (which usually stock shelves in stores) or do you mean stalkers? The other thing you need to do is as you read about an action, be sure it is possible. e.g. His aunt has her arms around him from behind and he can see into her eyes? I don't think so. There are 5 or six other places where the actions aren't possible. If you need to, get someone to act out the action with you. My husband resigned several years ago from that job, but I've probably tried out every scenario enough to imagine it. You have good ideas that should make you a very good writer with practice. Also check your spelling and meaning if you aren't absolutely certain. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
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You have a good story with lots of imagination and interesting characters involved. However, you need to read aloud what you have written and listen to be sure that is what you meant. You write about the noise of a curtin, do you mean curtain? She pulls my (me) back . . . ascend should be ascent" . . . once (prude) district . . . I have no idea what you mean by this. You call some people stockers (which usually stock shelves in stores) or do you mean stalkers? The other thing you need to do is as you read about an action, be sure it is possible. e.g. His aunt has her arms around him from behind and he can see into her eyes? I don't think so. There are 5 or six other places where the actions aren't possible. If you need to, get someone to act out the action with you. My husband resigned several years ago from that job, but I've probably tried out every scenario enough to imagine it. You have good ideas that should make you a very good writer with practice. Also check your spelling and meaning if you aren't absolutely certain. Best of luck.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
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Thanks for your feedback.
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Excellent prose my friend! The storyline is captivating and held my attention throughout the piece and the imagery was on point! The characters are exemplary and bounce off one another nicely throughout the story;-)
Thanks for sharing this well written piece with us and many blessings to you and your family this New Year!
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
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Excellent prose my friend! The storyline is captivating and held my attention throughout the piece and the imagery was on point! The characters are exemplary and bounce off one another nicely throughout the story;-)
Thanks for sharing this well written piece with us and many blessings to you and your family this New Year!
Comment Written 26-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
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Thank you I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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;-)
