The Problem With Englishmen
Sometimes communication just gets in the way.8 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Gerald,
If you don't mind me saying so, it looks like you have fffuuu-uuun with this one. hahaha Breaking every rule, as you said - absolutely - but in a bright, cheerful, and totally delightful way.
Certainly this piece meets the criteria of the 'differences' challenge - as many of the others have NOT if you'll permit me to say (shhhh...). The story was refreshing and clever and so whimsical.
I did see some places that needed a bit of editing - yep - even in this crazy state. hahaha
Notes:
1.) well, all I kin say is "Don't go there if you're a big circus fan... it ain't one. They didn't even have no lions or clowns, or any of those circus type stuff, so why go?
--> gotta close those quotation marks somewhere
2,) "He doesn't understand(,)" she says... but she ain't lookin' at me. She's lookin' at Percy.
3.) "Suh," he says. "(P)eerHOPS our communication
4.) I doubled my fists an' hollered(,)
"Now look here, you fancy pants Englishman.
--> PS - as a side note, it always bothers me a little when writers say someone 'hollers' but all the punctuation is nice, sweet, sedate periods. I want to see an exclamation or two when someone hollers, don't you? Just a thought.
Overall, I enjoyed this a LOT and thought you were extremely clever. Thanks so much for sharing - I look forward to reading MUCH, much more of your work. Thank you!
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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Gerald,
If you don't mind me saying so, it looks like you have fffuuu-uuun with this one. hahaha Breaking every rule, as you said - absolutely - but in a bright, cheerful, and totally delightful way.
Certainly this piece meets the criteria of the 'differences' challenge - as many of the others have NOT if you'll permit me to say (shhhh...). The story was refreshing and clever and so whimsical.
I did see some places that needed a bit of editing - yep - even in this crazy state. hahaha
Notes:
1.) well, all I kin say is "Don't go there if you're a big circus fan... it ain't one. They didn't even have no lions or clowns, or any of those circus type stuff, so why go?
--> gotta close those quotation marks somewhere
2,) "He doesn't understand(,)" she says... but she ain't lookin' at me. She's lookin' at Percy.
3.) "Suh," he says. "(P)eerHOPS our communication
4.) I doubled my fists an' hollered(,)
"Now look here, you fancy pants Englishman.
--> PS - as a side note, it always bothers me a little when writers say someone 'hollers' but all the punctuation is nice, sweet, sedate periods. I want to see an exclamation or two when someone hollers, don't you? Just a thought.
Overall, I enjoyed this a LOT and thought you were extremely clever. Thanks so much for sharing - I look forward to reading MUCH, much more of your work. Thank you!
Comment Written 11-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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Thank you for your very helpful response and wonderful rating.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well written, if not well spoken.
I live in Arkansas. I'm purdy sure I know that guy.
A little inconsistent in the narrative sections.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2022
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Well written, if not well spoken.
I live in Arkansas. I'm purdy sure I know that guy.
A little inconsistent in the narrative sections.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2022
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I live in Oklahoma so we'uns be neighbors. Thank you for your kind comments and generous rating. Is there any chance you might share what inconsistencies you saw in the narrative sections? It would help me greatly to know. Thank you.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Story - amusing
Dialect - a bit too pronounced (as a Brit I didn't understand all the words referred to)
Length - perfect for the subject
So globally, you have done very well to create something fine within the confines of the story prompt.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
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Story - amusing
Dialect - a bit too pronounced (as a Brit I didn't understand all the words referred to)
Length - perfect for the subject
So globally, you have done very well to create something fine within the confines of the story prompt.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
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Thank you for your kind words and generous rating.
Comment from Mary Vigasin
A very clever, creative and
very funny story. I can imagine writing took time and some difficulty to get the language and tone down.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes
Mary
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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A very clever, creative and
very funny story. I can imagine writing took time and some difficulty to get the language and tone down.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes
Mary
Comment Written 22-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Thank you for your kind words and generous rating.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Novel! The theme of this fiction is realistic and orderly innovated and presented; communication is the hub of passing on information at one point to another for overall progression, development and advancement; this narrates a typical problem in communication with Englishmen, one whose language is something else and not English, exchange of ideas, expression is not fruitful and wrong and faulty communication in a foreign language makes no deal; so many examples narrated; well said, well done; post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Novel! The theme of this fiction is realistic and orderly innovated and presented; communication is the hub of passing on information at one point to another for overall progression, development and advancement; this narrates a typical problem in communication with Englishmen, one whose language is something else and not English, exchange of ideas, expression is not fruitful and wrong and faulty communication in a foreign language makes no deal; so many examples narrated; well said, well done; post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
Comment Written 22-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Thank you for your kind words and very generous rating.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
It's funny in a weird way as that's how most english view the americans for bastardising the language! lol
I shoulda' played dumb.- no need for the apostrophe (you didn't use it earlier on for the same word)
Like that clock they have named Ben. Londoners are really proud of how big that clock is. Chimes purty good, to boot. What I cain't figgur out is, why name a clock as if it was your buddy or somethin'.- it does fit the ignorance of the chap but the clock isn't called Ben. It's the bell which is.
What I cain't figgur out is / Closest I could figger writing accents is tricky but if you're going to do it it needs to be consistent.
there's a few other spots where it isn't as well. (eg jist / just, beggar / begger)
There's missing punctuation around the dialogue as well in numerous places which I don't think can be excused by just the lingo.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Hi there,
It's funny in a weird way as that's how most english view the americans for bastardising the language! lol
I shoulda' played dumb.- no need for the apostrophe (you didn't use it earlier on for the same word)
Like that clock they have named Ben. Londoners are really proud of how big that clock is. Chimes purty good, to boot. What I cain't figgur out is, why name a clock as if it was your buddy or somethin'.- it does fit the ignorance of the chap but the clock isn't called Ben. It's the bell which is.
What I cain't figgur out is / Closest I could figger writing accents is tricky but if you're going to do it it needs to be consistent.
there's a few other spots where it isn't as well. (eg jist / just, beggar / begger)
There's missing punctuation around the dialogue as well in numerous places which I don't think can be excused by just the lingo.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 22-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Thank you for reading my work.
Comment from BethShelby
I found this story very amusing and I think you did a wonderful job of sharing the dialogue of a hillbilly with the dialogue of an English butler. They do sound like they are pompous and are looking down on you in a superior way. I'm from the south so I have the southern brogue but not quite as bad your character.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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I found this story very amusing and I think you did a wonderful job of sharing the dialogue of a hillbilly with the dialogue of an English butler. They do sound like they are pompous and are looking down on you in a superior way. I'm from the south so I have the southern brogue but not quite as bad your character.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Thank you for your kind words and generous rating.
Comment from LisaMay
As someone who speaks an Australian/New Zealand version of English, I am well aware of the speech differences and confusions that can come about as a result of national variations. Add class and cultural differences and there is plenty of scope for a story, which you have crafted with skill and humour. No doubt it is more difficult to write horrible English than 'proper' English. I enjoyed this encounter.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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As someone who speaks an Australian/New Zealand version of English, I am well aware of the speech differences and confusions that can come about as a result of national variations. Add class and cultural differences and there is plenty of scope for a story, which you have crafted with skill and humour. No doubt it is more difficult to write horrible English than 'proper' English. I enjoyed this encounter.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Thank you for your kind words and generous rating.
