Concertina
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "The Presence of Perfection."Vietnam veteran comes to the end of his denial.
23 total reviews
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
This is a fascinating read. Again, I'm sorry I haven't been able to keep up with this entire novella; I think I read only chapter 8, and this. Yes, it was a little hard to determine exactly where Lee was, during his excursion into an alternate reality, or, more likely, a spiritual place. It was a satisfying relief when he woke up in the company of his wife.
The conditions in my life and with my family members have made it hard for me to focus on FanStory. I have found it best for me to focus as best as possible on my relationship with God, and on resolving problems that we're facing. There are a lot of practical issues, and it's slow going.
I didn't find any errors in this chapter :-)
Your "Luctor Et Emergo" section helps to clarify the situation and is appreciated.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
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This is a fascinating read. Again, I'm sorry I haven't been able to keep up with this entire novella; I think I read only chapter 8, and this. Yes, it was a little hard to determine exactly where Lee was, during his excursion into an alternate reality, or, more likely, a spiritual place. It was a satisfying relief when he woke up in the company of his wife.
The conditions in my life and with my family members have made it hard for me to focus on FanStory. I have found it best for me to focus as best as possible on my relationship with God, and on resolving problems that we're facing. There are a lot of practical issues, and it's slow going.
I didn't find any errors in this chapter :-)
Your "Luctor Et Emergo" section helps to clarify the situation and is appreciated.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
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Hello, Mary Kay. Yes, place God first and everything will fall into place. It is difficult to understand why God allows pain and hardship. He places those burdens on those who glorify Him by faith so others may see His handiwork. Lucky you, you've been chosen! Yard.
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Hello, Yard. Great to hear back from you, and I thank you so much for your wonderful encouragement in the Lord. God bless you, my brother. - Mary Kay
Comment from Ulla
Hi Yadier, so this is the end. I haven't really followed the story and I thought I would have a look at and then follow along. But I can see I was too late. It's beautifully written, and I liked it very much. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Hi Yadier, so this is the end. I haven't really followed the story and I thought I would have a look at and then follow along. But I can see I was too late. It's beautifully written, and I liked it very much. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Thanks, Ulla. Not quite the end. I'm going to post a type of epilogue
that is really more of a road map of clues from the first chapter to the last. I think it will clear up a few things for those who jumped into the middle of the story.
Comment from Melodie Michelle
I loved this piece and the characters bounced well off each other, while the storyline was very interesting and held my attention throughout the piece;-) The imagery was perfect!
Thank you so much for sharing this well written piece with us and many blessings to you;-)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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I loved this piece and the characters bounced well off each other, while the storyline was very interesting and held my attention throughout the piece;-) The imagery was perfect!
Thank you so much for sharing this well written piece with us and many blessings to you;-)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the blessings and the review, Melodie. Peace and happiness your way. Yard.
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;-)
Comment from BLACKTITANIUM86
I think this could be a great write if you would have
had more twist and turns. But your overall skill is dope
And you have the ability to keep the readers attention.
Keep Writing
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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I think this could be a great write if you would have
had more twist and turns. But your overall skill is dope
And you have the ability to keep the readers attention.
Keep Writing
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Thanks brotherman for the look-see. I will keep writing and take a look at yourn.
I am going to post a 3,300 word short story after the Ram's win today. I believe the it has the twist and turns you may find surprising.
Peace, Yard.
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No Problem, and if you would like to know a little more about what else I do, you can catch me at... www.reverbnation dot com/titanblack222 just type it in the address box.
Comment from LJbutterfly
You have taken me up, down and all around the mind of a Vietnam veteran suffering with PTSD. In my line of work prior to retirement, I encountered many vets with PTDS, but never experienced such in depth descriptions of thoughts and feelings. I particularly enjoyed your exploration of truth and lies. I look forward to your epilogue, and will probably go back and re-read certain chapters for my own clarity. Thank you for this presentation.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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You have taken me up, down and all around the mind of a Vietnam veteran suffering with PTSD. In my line of work prior to retirement, I encountered many vets with PTDS, but never experienced such in depth descriptions of thoughts and feelings. I particularly enjoyed your exploration of truth and lies. I look forward to your epilogue, and will probably go back and re-read certain chapters for my own clarity. Thank you for this presentation.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Wow, LJ! You really made my day. So glad you were moved by the story to the degree it took you back to a time when there were too few answers for so many complicated questions.
Again, your review confirms these issues can be understood and addressed. Thanks, again. Yard.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I knew much of the last two chapters had to be a dream, but it didn't make them any less grabbing. And being a sucker for happy endings, it's nice to see Lee's troubles might be on the mend. Although, we know that happy endings are rare. Thanks for sharing. And I'm sorry I never seem to have a six when I need them most.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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I knew much of the last two chapters had to be a dream, but it didn't make them any less grabbing. And being a sucker for happy endings, it's nice to see Lee's troubles might be on the mend. Although, we know that happy endings are rare. Thanks for sharing. And I'm sorry I never seem to have a six when I need them most.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Lol! If wishes were six's, I would have broken the bank with this last chapter.
Comment from BethShelby
I probably shouldn't have read this without having read the previous chapters. I thought I would be able to catch up but I find that I'm at the end of the story. It is beautifully written and I enjoyed the amazing place in which this man found himself before awakening. I realize the soldier must have gone through unbelievable trauma to get to this place. I will try to read more of you posts in the future and maybe start at the beginning of the next one.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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I probably shouldn't have read this without having read the previous chapters. I thought I would be able to catch up but I find that I'm at the end of the story. It is beautifully written and I enjoyed the amazing place in which this man found himself before awakening. I realize the soldier must have gone through unbelievable trauma to get to this place. I will try to read more of you posts in the future and maybe start at the beginning of the next one.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Beth, for your review and understanding. I hope you continue reading. Yard
Comment from Louise Muller
This is fantastic writing, Yardier. I love how you created tension from the very beginning of the story. After that, I just had to read more to see where the story would go, and, boy, you didn't disappoint. I am excited to read more of your work.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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This is fantastic writing, Yardier. I love how you created tension from the very beginning of the story. After that, I just had to read more to see where the story would go, and, boy, you didn't disappoint. I am excited to read more of your work.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Wonderful, Louise! Thank you for your review. I'll try and keep up the pace. ALl the best. Yard.
Comment from nomi338
How fitting to use Concertina wire in this account. People who suffer from some debilitating mental condition are indeed trapped as securely as if that wire was encircling their bodies. Counseling helps somewhat, but there is no guarantee that each one will avail themselves or accept the attempts at healing that are offered.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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How fitting to use Concertina wire in this account. People who suffer from some debilitating mental condition are indeed trapped as securely as if that wire was encircling their bodies. Counseling helps somewhat, but there is no guarantee that each one will avail themselves or accept the attempts at healing that are offered.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Hello, nomi. Good to hear from you. It doesn't surprise me that you would have a heart felt understanding of those who suffer. I'm sure you have helped many with your compassion. All the best, Yard.
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Thank you for your kind comments. I am honored.
Comment from Ethan Vandervelden
This is such a good read! I am flattened after that chapter and wait in anticipation of the next!
I have no critique to offer but would like to acknowledge my favorite lines belows:
{He pressed his lips tight with the irrational thought that he could squeeze oxygen out of the water.} --This really ties the last chapter together and gave continuity!
{Bubbles from his panicked petition rose gently to the surface as water raced into Lee's throat and lungs, relieving him of any further effort to save himself.} -- The phrase "relieving him...save himself" so good! Just an excellent way to phrase it!
{He took another breath of water, yanked his left hand free, and felt relief and remorse as his wedding ring slipped from the tip of his finger and disappeared into the depths below.} -- Thank you for acknowledging his two emotions there, I wanted to know what he would feel and you delivered!
{As he began to sample the fruits, he noticed an orchard of fruit trees surrounded the pool, and the entire area was bathed in light, yet there were no shadows. It was as if a great and perfect light illuminated everything with each object reflecting its unique characteristic back to the original light in all directions simultaneously.} -- The descriptions of this "new birthplace" made my imagination run wild as I pictured the things you described!
Very, very, good writing! Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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This is such a good read! I am flattened after that chapter and wait in anticipation of the next!
I have no critique to offer but would like to acknowledge my favorite lines belows:
{He pressed his lips tight with the irrational thought that he could squeeze oxygen out of the water.} --This really ties the last chapter together and gave continuity!
{Bubbles from his panicked petition rose gently to the surface as water raced into Lee's throat and lungs, relieving him of any further effort to save himself.} -- The phrase "relieving him...save himself" so good! Just an excellent way to phrase it!
{He took another breath of water, yanked his left hand free, and felt relief and remorse as his wedding ring slipped from the tip of his finger and disappeared into the depths below.} -- Thank you for acknowledging his two emotions there, I wanted to know what he would feel and you delivered!
{As he began to sample the fruits, he noticed an orchard of fruit trees surrounded the pool, and the entire area was bathed in light, yet there were no shadows. It was as if a great and perfect light illuminated everything with each object reflecting its unique characteristic back to the original light in all directions simultaneously.} -- The descriptions of this "new birthplace" made my imagination run wild as I pictured the things you described!
Very, very, good writing! Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Ethan, for a very generous and insightful review. I really liked your response to the paragraph regarding light. From imagination to written words to words read to imagination, just as it should be. Thank you my friend. Yard
