Drifting
Sometimes our tears blur our vision. Dry them.13 total reviews
Comment from Mary Vigasin
I am trying to catch up with reviews, so I am sorry that I did not see this until I voted. It is a wonderful entry. Our dreams do get weighted down or lost by circumstances in life.
A beautiful image to match delicate words.
Best wishes
Mary
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I am trying to catch up with reviews, so I am sorry that I did not see this until I voted. It is a wonderful entry. Our dreams do get weighted down or lost by circumstances in life.
A beautiful image to match delicate words.
Best wishes
Mary
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
Comment from Mark D. R.
Nice going Lisa on your winning entry.
I like your l-letter alliteration flourishes. The illustration reminds me of the paper hats we created as kids with newspapers.
Waterlogged is a great phrase for your poem.
Mark
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Nice going Lisa on your winning entry.
I like your l-letter alliteration flourishes. The illustration reminds me of the paper hats we created as kids with newspapers.
Waterlogged is a great phrase for your poem.
Mark
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
Comment from T.E. Loper
There are many good entries from which to choose, but this is my pick. I love the alliteration. I also like the lack of enjambment; each line can stand on its own. If I could suggest: I think the punctuation constrains the poem and is a little bit distracting. Without the comma and em dash, I think the poem is more cohesive. That's very subject though and I only mention it because I had two cents in my pocket and not necessarily any sense where it matters.
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There are many good entries from which to choose, but this is my pick. I love the alliteration. I also like the lack of enjambment; each line can stand on its own. If I could suggest: I think the punctuation constrains the poem and is a little bit distracting. Without the comma and em dash, I think the poem is more cohesive. That's very subject though and I only mention it because I had two cents in my pocket and not necessarily any sense where it matters.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
Comment from BLACKTITANIUM86
Yes, this is true. A lot of the times, when one door closes in our
face, most people spend so much time concentrating and crying
about the door that closed, that they don't realize that 10 more just
opened up. And you have great writing skillz.
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Yes, this is true. A lot of the times, when one door closes in our
face, most people spend so much time concentrating and crying
about the door that closed, that they don't realize that 10 more just
opened up. And you have great writing skillz.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the 5-7-5 writing prompt contest. Good syllables count and connection between lines. Nice presentation and effective imagery. Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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Excellent entry for the 5-7-5 writing prompt contest. Good syllables count and connection between lines. Nice presentation and effective imagery. Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from Wendy G
Beautiful image to accompany your 5-7-5, and a good metaphor for what sometimes happens in life. Your words are well chosen, and meet the syllable requirements. Best wishes in the contest.
Wendy
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Beautiful image to accompany your 5-7-5, and a good metaphor for what sometimes happens in life. Your words are well chosen, and meet the syllable requirements. Best wishes in the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
Comment from Joanne Gill-Maddick
This is a nicely written 5-7-5 poem. It has a Beautiful overall presentation background colour and font. Lovely photo to compliment your words as well. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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This is a nicely written 5-7-5 poem. It has a Beautiful overall presentation background colour and font. Lovely photo to compliment your words as well. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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Thanks Joanne.
Comment from lyenochka
Even your subtitle/description was a poem: "tears blur our vision. Dry them." Loved your used of alliteration and metaphor. Hope you do well in the contest!
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Even your subtitle/description was a poem: "tears blur our vision. Dry them." Loved your used of alliteration and metaphor. Hope you do well in the contest!
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a fine poem, except for the clunky adverb in the first line. The last line is particularly good, with the image of dreams being fragile, easily destroyed.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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This is a fine poem, except for the clunky adverb in the first line. The last line is particularly good, with the image of dreams being fragile, easily destroyed.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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Thanks for making me revisit my poem to check on that 'clunky' adverb. I cannot think of another 2-syllable adverb that captures the feeling I wished to convey, but I have now adjusted the order in the first line and feel it improves the alliteration connection.
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much improved
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Thank you.
Comment from Sally Law
Beautiful offering and so uniquely illustrated. The disappointment here is keenly felt.
Sending you my best today as always, and my very best wishes for the upcoming contest.
Sally Law :))
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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Beautiful offering and so uniquely illustrated. The disappointment here is keenly felt.
Sending you my best today as always, and my very best wishes for the upcoming contest.
Sally Law :))
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much for your nice comments, Sally.
