Frigid!
1,200 words. A desperate journey for warmth.16 total reviews
Comment from Mary Shifman
This is a really good story. I don't understand how people have become so mean spirited. Maybe they've always been and it's just more evident now. I blame a lot of it on ignorance. People don't bother to learn the facts. They just follow the loudest voice. I agree, it's shameful and something needs to be done. I'm just afraid that no one is listening.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
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This is a really good story. I don't understand how people have become so mean spirited. Maybe they've always been and it's just more evident now. I blame a lot of it on ignorance. People don't bother to learn the facts. They just follow the loudest voice. I agree, it's shameful and something needs to be done. I'm just afraid that no one is listening.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
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Hi, Mary. Thank you for your kind words and shiny six stars! They are deeply appreciated!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is a great beginning for a story that sheds light on a growing problem. I retired after 30 years with the Dept. of Veterans Affairs. As a counselor, the VA sent me out once each month to homeless shelters looking for veterans who may not be aware of possible eligibility for financial assistance or hospital care. I appreciate your in depth description of life on the cold frigid streets where people have no compassion and think only of themselves. Thank you for a meaningful story.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
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This is a great beginning for a story that sheds light on a growing problem. I retired after 30 years with the Dept. of Veterans Affairs. As a counselor, the VA sent me out once each month to homeless shelters looking for veterans who may not be aware of possible eligibility for financial assistance or hospital care. I appreciate your in depth description of life on the cold frigid streets where people have no compassion and think only of themselves. Thank you for a meaningful story.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from estory
This was a super post. All the details in the descriptions of the man freezing out in the cold made the post. We could feel the toes freezing, the knees popping, the butt frozen from sitting on the concrete. And then there was that cup of cold water being dumped on his head. We felt that one too. It really puts the plight of the homeless in our shoes. We become this person through this post. I also liked how you shifted the viewpoint to the compassionate girl in the store who calls 911 for him when he stumbles in the store. It gives us perspective, and it asks the question of us: would we behave like this? A super post. estory
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
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This was a super post. All the details in the descriptions of the man freezing out in the cold made the post. We could feel the toes freezing, the knees popping, the butt frozen from sitting on the concrete. And then there was that cup of cold water being dumped on his head. We felt that one too. It really puts the plight of the homeless in our shoes. We become this person through this post. I also liked how you shifted the viewpoint to the compassionate girl in the store who calls 911 for him when he stumbles in the store. It gives us perspective, and it asks the question of us: would we behave like this? A super post. estory
Comment Written 14-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
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Hello, my friend. This story stirred many hearts, and the reviews were amazing, just like yours. Thank you for your kind words and shiny six stars. They are deeply appreciated!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Ethan Vandervelden
This is excellent! I really enjoyed the read and felt it conveys strong meaning of a deep problem. You packed a lot of meaning into a short story and I admire the motivation behind it.
Some of my favorite parts below:
Why do some people have such hatred for the homeless? None of us ever deserved this treatment. For some reason, I pity their lack of compassion. --I thought Pete having pity for the lack of compassion was interesting as I never would have considered that emotion-good!
They have places to go, jobs to get to, and sympathy doesn't fit their schedule.--That was a great way to summarize how must people act toward the homeless-Quotable!
I have only two negatives to consider:
Introducing the character in third person and switching to first person was a little confusing and I had to read the first paragraph a couple times to follow along. I would also argue the piece would be a little stronger if we didn't know the characters name until the end when the nurse asks-sort of showing that no one cares what his name is "he's just a bum". (this is obviously opinion take it or leave it as you see fit.)
I made it across the first block, and now *it's* (there's?) seven more to go.
Overall I think this is very good and I would happily read more of your work!
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
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This is excellent! I really enjoyed the read and felt it conveys strong meaning of a deep problem. You packed a lot of meaning into a short story and I admire the motivation behind it.
Some of my favorite parts below:
Why do some people have such hatred for the homeless? None of us ever deserved this treatment. For some reason, I pity their lack of compassion. --I thought Pete having pity for the lack of compassion was interesting as I never would have considered that emotion-good!
They have places to go, jobs to get to, and sympathy doesn't fit their schedule.--That was a great way to summarize how must people act toward the homeless-Quotable!
I have only two negatives to consider:
Introducing the character in third person and switching to first person was a little confusing and I had to read the first paragraph a couple times to follow along. I would also argue the piece would be a little stronger if we didn't know the characters name until the end when the nurse asks-sort of showing that no one cares what his name is "he's just a bum". (this is obviously opinion take it or leave it as you see fit.)
I made it across the first block, and now *it's* (there's?) seven more to go.
Overall I think this is very good and I would happily read more of your work!
Comment Written 14-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
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Hi, Ethan. Thank you for your kind words, and help with this story. It's deeply appreciated!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I agree, Mike. With so many empty buildings it looks like they could find one that would shelter the homeless in their area and give them a helping hand. The homeless can't do it alone.
As far as I know we have no homeless in our city but I am never in town very long. It is always cold here so I doubt it.
Good job. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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I agree, Mike. With so many empty buildings it looks like they could find one that would shelter the homeless in their area and give them a helping hand. The homeless can't do it alone.
As far as I know we have no homeless in our city but I am never in town very long. It is always cold here so I doubt it.
Good job. Nancy:)
Comment Written 13-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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Hi, Nancy. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Hi, Nancy. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Hi, Nancy. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Cindy Warren
That's so sad. I can't imagine treating a person like that, no matter who he is. You never know their story. Maybe they are not employable due to mental illness, or victims of circumstance. Sadly, some people get their jollies abusing others.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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That's so sad. I can't imagine treating a person like that, no matter who he is. You never know their story. Maybe they are not employable due to mental illness, or victims of circumstance. Sadly, some people get their jollies abusing others.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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Hi, Cindy. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Hi, Cindy. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Hi, Cindy. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Every worthy cause needs a champion. Thank you.
Liquor store and single Mom don't get caps.
Laughter fills the truck then he floors it. (Sentence needs a comma or semi-colon.)
A few more issues, but I'll quit.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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Every worthy cause needs a champion. Thank you.
Liquor store and single Mom don't get caps.
Laughter fills the truck then he floors it. (Sentence needs a comma or semi-colon.)
A few more issues, but I'll quit.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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Hi, Wayne. Thank you for your kind words, and help with this story. It's deeply appreciated!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Hi, Wayne. Thank you for your kind words, and help with this story. It's deeply appreciated!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Hi, Wayne. Thank you for your kind words, and help with this story. It's deeply appreciated!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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thank you
Comment from Ric Myworld
I agree wholeheartedly, there is a huge homeless problem that needs to be addressed immediately! We've given out billions of dollars to help keep businesses going, but where I live, they've done nearly nothing for those on the very bottom of the totem pole. Heck, double insulated sleeping bags and thermal blankets would be a start. On the coldest nights let people in on a first come first serve basis, but those left out, just freeze. They found four frozen dead last week alone. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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I agree wholeheartedly, there is a huge homeless problem that needs to be addressed immediately! We've given out billions of dollars to help keep businesses going, but where I live, they've done nearly nothing for those on the very bottom of the totem pole. Heck, double insulated sleeping bags and thermal blankets would be a start. On the coldest nights let people in on a first come first serve basis, but those left out, just freeze. They found four frozen dead last week alone. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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Hi, Ric. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Hi, Ric. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Hi, Ric. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from BethShelby
This is s heart wrenching story. For some reason, homeless people make us nervous. It is like if we stop to take with them and see if we can help something might rub off. Yet when the weather is freezing and they have to sleep outside it is heartbreaking to think what they may be going though. You put it in perspective with your story.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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This is s heart wrenching story. For some reason, homeless people make us nervous. It is like if we stop to take with them and see if we can help something might rub off. Yet when the weather is freezing and they have to sleep outside it is heartbreaking to think what they may be going though. You put it in perspective with your story.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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Hi, Beth. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Hi, Beth. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Hi, Beth. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is a well written story about a big problem in every country. Canada has it too. It's sad to think how selfish our countries have become. Sadly there are those who make a living begging even though they have a home. Their stories, when they're caught, are the ones people remember. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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This is a well written story about a big problem in every country. Canada has it too. It's sad to think how selfish our countries have become. Sadly there are those who make a living begging even though they have a home. Their stories, when they're caught, are the ones people remember. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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Hi, Judy. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Hi, Judy. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Hi, Judy. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
