Trapped in This Box
This was a challenge to write but fun! With a twist!10 total reviews
Comment from royowen
Fortunately I grew up in a tome that weren't influenced by devices, but lived in a time of interactive relationship, and sporting activities. And although the modern propensities help my writing, I'm amazed at young people on a date at a restaurant, both staring at their devices instead of one another. Beautifully written, my friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2022
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Fortunately I grew up in a tome that weren't influenced by devices, but lived in a time of interactive relationship, and sporting activities. And although the modern propensities help my writing, I'm amazed at young people on a date at a restaurant, both staring at their devices instead of one another. Beautifully written, my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 22-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2022
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Yes! I appreciate the insight and reflection!
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Yes! I appreciate the insight and reflection!
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My pleasure
Comment from estory
This is an interesting contemporary sort of use of the sonnet form, and I applaud your imagination here. There's a surreal feel to the imagery here, it is kind of dream like, within these fragmented frames of disembodied moments. There's a little bit of a halting rhythm to the language, I think a little more flow might help it, but then again it does underscore that theme of disjointed imagery. The last couple of lines were great; a great closing couplet to tie it all together and create that strange sense of mystery that this poem has about it. A very different sort of sonnet. estory
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2022
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This is an interesting contemporary sort of use of the sonnet form, and I applaud your imagination here. There's a surreal feel to the imagery here, it is kind of dream like, within these fragmented frames of disembodied moments. There's a little bit of a halting rhythm to the language, I think a little more flow might help it, but then again it does underscore that theme of disjointed imagery. The last couple of lines were great; a great closing couplet to tie it all together and create that strange sense of mystery that this poem has about it. A very different sort of sonnet. estory
Comment Written 22-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2022
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Thank you so much!
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Thank you so much!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
A sonnet/ And how did you get three new submissions? Likely one was sent before midnight. I like this one, of the three I read today, best of the trio, now put to bed. Devices? I agree but then where would Fanstory be????
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2022
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A sonnet/ And how did you get three new submissions? Likely one was sent before midnight. I like this one, of the three I read today, best of the trio, now put to bed. Devices? I agree but then where would Fanstory be????
Comment Written 22-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2022
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Haha touché! Good point! Thank you for your feedback!
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Haha touché! Good point! Thank you for your feedback!
Comment from Crystal McNeil
I love this! It is so true. There are so many precious moments completely missed because of our relationship with technology. Some potential connections never form.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2022
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I love this! It is so true. There are so many precious moments completely missed because of our relationship with technology. Some potential connections never form.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2022
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Amen!
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Amen!
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Amen!
Comment from SLMorrical
An interesting poem. A great read and I can picture the box and being trapped. I understand being trapped in life. This flows well and is an easy read. Well done.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2022
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An interesting poem. A great read and I can picture the box and being trapped. I understand being trapped in life. This flows well and is an easy read. Well done.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2022
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Thank you so much for your kind feedback and reflection!
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Thank you so much for your kind feedback and reflection!
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Thank you so much for your kind feedback and reflection!
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I loved this. I like the positive message about each day being special and there is so much to enjoy. And the reminder that the phone doesn't offer you that. Great job.
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I loved this. I like the positive message about each day being special and there is so much to enjoy. And the reminder that the phone doesn't offer you that. Great job.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This sonnet speaks the right order and orderly feeling and sense of living each day in a new, unexpected sort of happenings for it never happens as we think or expect; because of our innocence, follies and wrong decisions we lose moments, we never recoup; well said, well done; post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
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This sonnet speaks the right order and orderly feeling and sense of living each day in a new, unexpected sort of happenings for it never happens as we think or expect; because of our innocence, follies and wrong decisions we lose moments, we never recoup; well said, well done; post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
Comment from jaded831
I didn't quite understand where you were going with this poem. I read your notes and reread your poem everything made sense. I like the line every dawn brings a new skyline. Every day we have a new chance to grab new experiences.
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I didn't quite understand where you were going with this poem. I read your notes and reread your poem everything made sense. I like the line every dawn brings a new skyline. Every day we have a new chance to grab new experiences.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
Comment from Brenda Henderson
Interesting thought process here. It did seem very much reminiscent of the Matrix. I don't think that it possible to lose certain aspects of yourself as you mature and evolve. Well done!
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Interesting thought process here. It did seem very much reminiscent of the Matrix. I don't think that it possible to lose certain aspects of yourself as you mature and evolve. Well done!
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I enjoyed the sentiments here and so many heads are stuck in phones or portable computers these days and they miss out on life. Your sonnet is missing the iambic pentameter which makes a sonnet sing, you may want to adjust it for the contest, love Dolly x
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I enjoyed the sentiments here and so many heads are stuck in phones or portable computers these days and they miss out on life. Your sonnet is missing the iambic pentameter which makes a sonnet sing, you may want to adjust it for the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
