Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 70 "Football Chapter 41"A mother faces life's struggles.
26 total reviews
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
What a romantic story. Goes well-being it is soon Valentine's Day. I know that your story will have a happy ending when the last chapter is written. I have a feeling you like happy endings, too.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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What a romantic story. Goes well-being it is soon Valentine's Day. I know that your story will have a happy ending when the last chapter is written. I have a feeling you like happy endings, too.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Yardier
Hi, Barbara. Enjoyed catching up reading your story. We have such different styles yet, I'm beginning to see the benefits of dialogue over background. You word-smith life into and from your characters quite easily. They're believable and likeable. This is my favorite from this read:
Once Gabriel was sure Joshua had returned to his room, he kissed her. "Maybe I'll kiss you until you talk."
"Since, I won't talk; all that'll get you is a cold shower."
"And probably seventy-five push-ups."
She giggled.
After kissing her a few more times, he asked, "It's not working, is it?"
"Depends what your goal is. If your goal is to get me to talk, it's not."
"What if my goal is to show you how much I love you?"
"Then it worked perfectly."
My wife loved it, specially after we practiced to see if you knew what you talking about. All the best, Yard.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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Hi, Barbara. Enjoyed catching up reading your story. We have such different styles yet, I'm beginning to see the benefits of dialogue over background. You word-smith life into and from your characters quite easily. They're believable and likeable. This is my favorite from this read:
Once Gabriel was sure Joshua had returned to his room, he kissed her. "Maybe I'll kiss you until you talk."
"Since, I won't talk; all that'll get you is a cold shower."
"And probably seventy-five push-ups."
She giggled.
After kissing her a few more times, he asked, "It's not working, is it?"
"Depends what your goal is. If your goal is to get me to talk, it's not."
"What if my goal is to show you how much I love you?"
"Then it worked perfectly."
My wife loved it, specially after we practiced to see if you knew what you talking about. All the best, Yard.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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LOL Thank you. I am a dialogue driven author. It keeps me showing not telling. Thank you. I'm glad you and or wife enjoyed it.
Comment from lancellot
Excellent structural and grammatical writing as per usual. Readers can clearly see the time you put into your work.
Suggestions only:
A student yelled, "Coach, a rumor's going around that you're finally bringing a date. Is that true?"
- would such a thing happen? Is a grown man having a date that unusual?
"They took four samples. I should hear something Monday.
- One breast biopsy is hard; four and you're out. My wife had three and stayed in bed. Are you sure about this? It further stretches your realism.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Excellent structural and grammatical writing as per usual. Readers can clearly see the time you put into your work.
Suggestions only:
A student yelled, "Coach, a rumor's going around that you're finally bringing a date. Is that true?"
- would such a thing happen? Is a grown man having a date that unusual?
"They took four samples. I should hear something Monday.
- One breast biopsy is hard; four and you're out. My wife had three and stayed in bed. Are you sure about this? It further stretches your realism.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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I had breast cancer and had fours samples and taught school the next day. Just sore. For five years Gabriel chaperoned the homecoming dance and never brought a date. Yes, in this instance it's unusual.
Comment from amahra
I wish Katherine had told Gabe about the biopsy; at least, he could be prepared in case the results are not good. I think she deserves all of the support he could give.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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I wish Katherine had told Gabe about the biopsy; at least, he could be prepared in case the results are not good. I think she deserves all of the support he could give.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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She didn't want to worry him. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jay Squires
As you might guess, this story leaves me in a bit of a dilemma. You are now writing two chapters a week, one from each book. I love both of them and both are worthy of sixes. But there are seven of approximately fifty people I read here each week whose writing is consistently 6-worthy. Therefore, I can only give one of your weekly contributions to my enjoyment and learning, a six. I don't want you to think that this chapter was mediocre. I enjoyed it immensely!
Jay
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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As you might guess, this story leaves me in a bit of a dilemma. You are now writing two chapters a week, one from each book. I love both of them and both are worthy of sixes. But there are seven of approximately fifty people I read here each week whose writing is consistently 6-worthy. Therefore, I can only give one of your weekly contributions to my enjoyment and learning, a six. I don't want you to think that this chapter was mediocre. I enjoyed it immensely!
Jay
Comment Written 10-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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You're sweet. Thank you.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-I like the artwork and the chapter, barbara.
-I don't see how you are writing two novels at the same time.
-I can only follow one, but best wishes for both projects.
-This was a good chapter that focused on what a team needs
to do to be focused in a game.
-It didn't matter that they were ahead, but they
needed to pay attention and play their best.
-I remember those homecoming nights, and it
is a lot of extra hoopla. I was in the marching band
so I had a different perspective, but still liked the games, too.
-The boys respect Gabe and came around.
-I hope Katherine gets good news from her procedure.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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-I like the artwork and the chapter, barbara.
-I don't see how you are writing two novels at the same time.
-I can only follow one, but best wishes for both projects.
-This was a good chapter that focused on what a team needs
to do to be focused in a game.
-It didn't matter that they were ahead, but they
needed to pay attention and play their best.
-I remember those homecoming nights, and it
is a lot of extra hoopla. I was in the marching band
so I had a different perspective, but still liked the games, too.
-The boys respect Gabe and came around.
-I hope Katherine gets good news from her procedure.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the kind review. Both novels are completed. So I just need to edit and post.
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You are welcome. That is very ambitious on your part!
Comment from robyn corum
Barb,
Oh, no! That is not really fair after everything this chick has already been through. YUCK! And your author notes scare me... Anyway, this was really well written and enjoyable - mostly. --wink--
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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Barb,
Oh, no! That is not really fair after everything this chick has already been through. YUCK! And your author notes scare me... Anyway, this was really well written and enjoyable - mostly. --wink--
Comment Written 10-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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LOL Thank you for the kind review. It does get scary.
Comment from Sanku
I am relieved to see that you have posted the next chapter of this novel.All the detailed descriptions of the game helps to increase the tension in the reader's mind. Well done..
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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I am relieved to see that you have posted the next chapter of this novel.All the detailed descriptions of the game helps to increase the tension in the reader's mind. Well done..
Comment Written 10-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from tfawcus
All that information about the game conspires to add to the tension. Your readers are right behind Jordan in wanting to know what's going on. Well, I guess we already know, but not the results of the tests yet. A well-crafted chapter with a gem of life learning in the middle: Winning won't get you through life, but being well-disciplined will.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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All that information about the game conspires to add to the tension. Your readers are right behind Jordan in wanting to know what's going on. Well, I guess we already know, but not the results of the tests yet. A well-crafted chapter with a gem of life learning in the middle: Winning won't get you through life, but being well-disciplined will.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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Thank you for your support.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I feel so disappointed that Gabriel had to leave Katherine. I guess they have to dance first and do it properly. But they are adults, not high schoolers.
Well done.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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I feel so disappointed that Gabriel had to leave Katherine. I guess they have to dance first and do it properly. But they are adults, not high schoolers.
Well done.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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So true, but Katherine needs to set and example for her children, too.
