The Piper
Chapter One (1st chapter competition)22 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Virtual six stars, Gareth! What a wonderful story, I absolutely loved it. All the animals that were enthralled at his music, and then rewarded them by becoming his food and warm coat. But this is the way of nature, and animals know this. I hope there is more coming, because I want to know if she is still there waiting for him. Well done, my friend, this was a brilliant first chapter. Good luck in the contest!! :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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Virtual six stars, Gareth! What a wonderful story, I absolutely loved it. All the animals that were enthralled at his music, and then rewarded them by becoming his food and warm coat. But this is the way of nature, and animals know this. I hope there is more coming, because I want to know if she is still there waiting for him. Well done, my friend, this was a brilliant first chapter. Good luck in the contest!! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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This was actually one of the first things I ever wrote about six years ago or so. I found some old work on my old laptop which I recently had fixed. A lot of things I'd been toying around with, some ideas and quie a few unfinished pieces. All the best G
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an excellent first chapter of a book, with good description. I enjoyed the interactions between the piper and the different animals, and the feelings that these engendered in the young man. I thought he was done for by the wolf, and couldn't see where the novel would then go. So I was relieved, and hope that you plan to go on with this opus, without plagerising the original tale of the Pied Piper of Hamelin.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2022
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This is an excellent first chapter of a book, with good description. I enjoyed the interactions between the piper and the different animals, and the feelings that these engendered in the young man. I thought he was done for by the wolf, and couldn't see where the novel would then go. So I was relieved, and hope that you plan to go on with this opus, without plagerising the original tale of the Pied Piper of Hamelin.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2022
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You can't plagiarise a fairy tale. They are all in the public domain and fair game, just like Winnie the Pooh! lol
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Ah. I have learnt something. Thank you. Useful or not, time will tell.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Excellent story, through and through. Your character grabs our attention from the start. He seems, at times, quite human. We can relate to his wistful memories. He is unique with his mesmerizing ability to play tunes that reach animals. He is kind, brave and skillful.
I do hope there are more chapters. You are an engaging writer who I have often wished would write a novel.
Good luck in the contest. You definitely have the skills,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2022
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Excellent story, through and through. Your character grabs our attention from the start. He seems, at times, quite human. We can relate to his wistful memories. He is unique with his mesmerizing ability to play tunes that reach animals. He is kind, brave and skillful.
I do hope there are more chapters. You are an engaging writer who I have often wished would write a novel.
Good luck in the contest. You definitely have the skills,
Rhonda
Comment Written 08-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2022
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I've a few longer works in progress and I'm in discussions with a publisher about writing some work for them so who knows? lol
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I would love to read some of them. Many of your writings still stick with me, like the one you wrote about the bank hostage scene where your main character sacrificed himself. You could definitely flesh that one out to a novel, many of the others as well.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
You mesmerised both me and the creatures with your piper playing his flute. Then, wham, rabbit for tea. Great change of direction.
The scene between the Piper and the wolf is very well written G. Very poignant. Well told opening chapter, hope you continue with it. Cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2022
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You mesmerised both me and the creatures with your piper playing his flute. Then, wham, rabbit for tea. Great change of direction.
The scene between the Piper and the wolf is very well written G. Very poignant. Well told opening chapter, hope you continue with it. Cheers
Valda
Comment Written 07-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2022
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Many thanks, as always. G
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Perfect entry for the A First Book Chapter contest and best of wishes in the contest my friend! The characters bounce off one another nicely and the storyline was very captivating and held my attention throughout the piece;-)
Thank you for sharing this well written piece with us and may God bless you and your family this New Year!
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2022
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Perfect entry for the A First Book Chapter contest and best of wishes in the contest my friend! The characters bounce off one another nicely and the storyline was very captivating and held my attention throughout the piece;-)
Thank you for sharing this well written piece with us and may God bless you and your family this New Year!
Comment Written 07-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2022
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Many thanks.
Comment from estory
This is an interesting prologue to the pied piper tale, and here you have a piper that is resourceful and a survivalist. He seems to use his flute not to just to charm for charm's sake, but to gain dominance over other animals so he can use them for his survival or survive their attacks. The premise is very interesting, and the mood is magical and eerie. All the sharp details in the writing really make this come alive. The underlying violence in the necessity of survival comes through loud in clear with this chapter. estory
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2022
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This is an interesting prologue to the pied piper tale, and here you have a piper that is resourceful and a survivalist. He seems to use his flute not to just to charm for charm's sake, but to gain dominance over other animals so he can use them for his survival or survive their attacks. The premise is very interesting, and the mood is magical and eerie. All the sharp details in the writing really make this come alive. The underlying violence in the necessity of survival comes through loud in clear with this chapter. estory
Comment Written 07-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2022
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Many thanks once again. I wanted to delve into the story behind the fairytale and try to make it more 'human'. These old stories are ripe for expansion as they really are bare bones. All the best
G
Comment from cat frenette
What an enchanting story. I loved it.
It makes me wonder what he will find once he reaches his destination. The way this chapter ends, it almost the conclusion to his search, but since this looks like a first chapter I suspect that he finds things not exactly as he hopes they will be.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2022
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What an enchanting story. I loved it.
It makes me wonder what he will find once he reaches his destination. The way this chapter ends, it almost the conclusion to his search, but since this looks like a first chapter I suspect that he finds things not exactly as he hopes they will be.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2022
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Many thanks once again. GMG
Comment from Begin Again
Very entertaining and quite different then I remember the fairytale. I like it better since he calms the creatures of the forest with his music and only uses his skills when he must find a way to survive. I loved it!
Good luck in the contest.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2022
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Very entertaining and quite different then I remember the fairytale. I like it better since he calms the creatures of the forest with his music and only uses his skills when he must find a way to survive. I loved it!
Good luck in the contest.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 07-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2022
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Yeah, I'm taking a look behind the fairy tale and trying to make the characters more solid. G
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Interesting and unique story line - the Pied Piper meets Jack the Ripper. It reads like a poem converted to narrative prose. The tone leads me to think that the girl, rather than fall under a spell, pierces the man's earhole with his own blade as a continuation of the shock value in the story.
Might want to check the rules for semi-colon usage.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2022
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Interesting and unique story line - the Pied Piper meets Jack the Ripper. It reads like a poem converted to narrative prose. The tone leads me to think that the girl, rather than fall under a spell, pierces the man's earhole with his own blade as a continuation of the shock value in the story.
Might want to check the rules for semi-colon usage.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2022
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I don't think his actions are that shocking. He's just trying to stay alive. it's not like he ate his mates or went on a killing spree willy-nilly. lol
Many thanks for checking this one out. GMG
Comment from Jay Squires
Wow! Impressive. Are you sure this is the first chapter in a novel. It has all the markings of a well-written short story with a bit of connection at the end with the myth or fable that contains his name. It has a strong feeling of completion the kind of ending to a modern short story where there is no clean denouement, tying all the loose ends together.
Whatever it figures to me, it is a fine example of writing, Gareth.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2022
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Wow! Impressive. Are you sure this is the first chapter in a novel. It has all the markings of a well-written short story with a bit of connection at the end with the myth or fable that contains his name. It has a strong feeling of completion the kind of ending to a modern short story where there is no clean denouement, tying all the loose ends together.
Whatever it figures to me, it is a fine example of writing, Gareth.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2022
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Hi Jay,
Many thanks for checking this one out. It is definitely the first chapter, it just feels more contained as it's something I've been playing around with.
Previously I ued a lot of cliff-hanger endings to draw the reader in, so I'm experimenting with chapters which give a sense of satisfaction in their own right and the story can be read a chapter at a time, so I can mix things up a little in the longer work. lol
I've basically taken the familiar tale and given it a whole other context as to why things happen and how they happen within a more human setting. We get to see the Piper, who he is, what he is and how the events unfold.
All the bet
G
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It's dark, though, and edgy. I like that!
