Witness
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Raindrop Recollections"Modern struggle in another world.
3 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Yours is some astoundingly good writing, K. Accurate, evocative. You shine in this novel. Not to say anything against the fantasy one. It is well written, but I have trouble following/remembering the exotic character names. Not so, this one. Perhaps because it's grounded in reality. I've said it before, but it can't be repeated enough: you've been given a gift! That you can be thankful for, but you've put in tons of work (I know that), to hone it to the instrument it is. You are a joy to read!
As usual, if I had a six to give, you'd be getting it.
Jay
Thaïs teaching her how to best use a rifle and a pistol, skills my parents had ensured were so deeply ingrained in me that even Sostrate had found little to teach. "What?" [What is the "What?" referencing? It just seems out of place after a long period of self-reflection.]
She was a friend whose loss I will grieve until the day I die. [Probably better to keep this in the conditional past: "... loss I would grieve until the day I died."]
Karsa's description of the bread was sumptuous. It made my mouth water! A religous experience, indeed!
Nothing seemed to shut her talking down faster than drawing attention to her own vulnerability. [Da-amn! Some cogent psychology here!]
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2022
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Yours is some astoundingly good writing, K. Accurate, evocative. You shine in this novel. Not to say anything against the fantasy one. It is well written, but I have trouble following/remembering the exotic character names. Not so, this one. Perhaps because it's grounded in reality. I've said it before, but it can't be repeated enough: you've been given a gift! That you can be thankful for, but you've put in tons of work (I know that), to hone it to the instrument it is. You are a joy to read!
As usual, if I had a six to give, you'd be getting it.
Jay
Thaïs teaching her how to best use a rifle and a pistol, skills my parents had ensured were so deeply ingrained in me that even Sostrate had found little to teach. "What?" [What is the "What?" referencing? It just seems out of place after a long period of self-reflection.]
She was a friend whose loss I will grieve until the day I die. [Probably better to keep this in the conditional past: "... loss I would grieve until the day I died."]
Karsa's description of the bread was sumptuous. It made my mouth water! A religous experience, indeed!
Nothing seemed to shut her talking down faster than drawing attention to her own vulnerability. [Da-amn! Some cogent psychology here!]
Comment Written 05-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! This one definitely has fewer moving parts than the fantasy one. I'll tighten up the prose where you saw gaps, but I'm glad that overall it's been a worthwhile read. I really appreciate your time and feedback. Have a wonderful evening!
K.
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My, how did you pack so much writing experience in such a young-looking face?
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It?s not the age, it?s the mileage. I feel pretty self conscious about having a picture posted, but I figured it was about time.
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It's a good picture! It's a writerly picture. You wear your mileage well.
Comment from BLACKTITANIUM86
This Makes for a great write! And you have amazing creative
ability. For, to be able to put yourself in the middle of the civil
war, and paint a vivid picture of how things really went takes
a vast amount of knowledge...wisdom & understanding. And
you have just that!!! Keep Writing. And hope to see you stop by
my spot, to enjoy some of my poetry. Stay Connected.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2022
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This Makes for a great write! And you have amazing creative
ability. For, to be able to put yourself in the middle of the civil
war, and paint a vivid picture of how things really went takes
a vast amount of knowledge...wisdom & understanding. And
you have just that!!! Keep Writing. And hope to see you stop by
my spot, to enjoy some of my poetry. Stay Connected.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing, I really appreciate you giving it your time and I hope you have a wonderful day.
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Excellent story my friend! The storyline is interesting and held my attention throughout the piece and the characters interact nicely together;-)
Thanks so much for sharing and many blessings to you and your family this New Year!
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2022
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Excellent story my friend! The storyline is interesting and held my attention throughout the piece and the characters interact nicely together;-)
Thanks so much for sharing and many blessings to you and your family this New Year!
Comment Written 05-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2022
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Thanks for reading and reviewing! I appreciate you giving so much of my work your attention, so thank you. I hope you have a great day (third time's the charm, right?).
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;-)
