Comment from LateBloomer

Exceptional

Hi Mark, your poem is packed with vivid imagery. I can see what this poem was a well deserved winner. I especially liked:

muted dawn - soft and tender and ...
sleepers' crusted lids - great imagery

Well-chosen artwork. Exceptional writing. Congratulations!
LateBloomer

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2022

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2022

Thank you. I am a bit shocked with this win!

Mark

reply by LateBloomer on 14-Apr-2022

I know that feeling. M

Comment from dragonpoet

Excellent

Mark,
This three line poem gives great images and uses sound well. I think bird song is a good alarm clock. It won't take long for the crust to be remove and the muted light to become bright. Nice artwork.
Congrats on winning the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2022

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2022

Joan,

Thank you for your compliments. The result was a total surprise since the committee selected it and not through FS reviewers? votes.

Mark

reply by dragonpoet on 15-Apr-2022

My pleasure, Mark.
Joan

Comment from Contests

A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry.

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2022

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2022

THANK YOU for this extraordinary honor. It is an eye-opening FanStory experience for me.

Mark

Comment from karenina

Excellent

As one who wakes every morning to crusty lids, I could immediately relate to this one! The image created is a fine juxtaposition between the unabashed beauty of nature and the frequently mundane reality of the human condition. Very nice contes entry. The image is eerie somehow...

Karenina

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2022

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reply by the author on 02-Jan-2022

Karenina,

So pleased you saw my juxtaposition. More often for me, those crusty eyes only occur if one has a cold or the flu. (Better that you don?t wake up to crusty kids!)

Sometimes, my FanArt illustrations (I always say their search engine has its limits and I prefer FanArt than other sources) are not perfectly paired with my verse, but FS strongly urges that posts be accompanied. Que sera, sera!

Best wishes to you and yours for a happy, healthy New Year.

Mark

reply by karenina on 02-Jan-2022

Perhaps it is my often crusty old lids and diminished vision (not helped by the fact I broke my readers the other day and cannot get them replaced until tomorrow--so I'm borrowing my husband's!)--Anyway, I wasn't quite sure what I was looking at... One thing that was crystal clear is your poetic vision! The juxtaposition jumped out at me! --Happy New Year!--Karenina

Comment from Janice Canerdy

Excellent

How ironic is it that I am just about to write a poem about songbirds for a contest (not for FS); then I read this!? This is a well-written, descriptive modern haiku.

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2022

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reply by the author on 02-Jan-2022

Janice,

Please share with me your songbirds poem. I am interested in seeing your spin. I debated to use a specific two syllable bird, e.g. robin or warbler, but I thought the generic with ?song? in it was more poetic for my short poem.

Best wishes for 2022. "Good health" should be our motto.

Mark

reply by Janice Canerdy on 02-Jan-2022

The poem will be for a contest requiring entries that aren't available in print or online. Thanks for asking, though

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

There is something a bit eerie about these words Mark, are the birds waking the lids of coffins here, sorry if this was not your meaning, but this sounds a bit dark, love Dolly xx

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2022

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reply by the author on 02-Jan-2022

Dolly,

I was thinking of a person NOT in a coffin but just waking from a night?s sleep in his/her own bed! Rarely, if ever, do I write any macabre poems; I prefer more light hearted ones. Surely, you have had mornings when your own eyes are crusted, especially if you are recovering from a cold or flu.

Best wishes for a happy, healthy New Year.

Mark

reply by Dolly'sPoems on 02-Jan-2022

I didn?t think you meant that Mark as I know you don?t write dark poetry, and I am glad you explained your words here, sorry I interpreted them wrongly, love Dolly x

reply by the author on 02-Jan-2022

Dolly,

Pleased we are on the same page (-; I don?t like dark and rarely even review the same.

Mark

Comment from The_Boy_Whodunnit

Excellent

I really like the image you've created in such a short space and with so few words. The first line in particular I think sets it up will by paining the scene and setting the context.

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2022

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022

Thanks The Boy ?

Pleased your review is line with my thought processes. Methinks, many of us have that crust in our eyes when we wake. Likely, it happens more often if we are sick. I liked songbirds rather than the specific two syllable word such as robin or warbler. I thought it was more poetic (-;

Mark

Comment from Theodore McDowell

Excellent

A good American haiku for the contest. You set the stage with the natural descriptions in the first two lines and then the application with an intriguing third line.

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2022

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022

Theodore,

My genre is this short form, typically 5-7-5. Methinks, many of us have that crust in our eyes when we wake. Likely, it happens more often if we are sick. I liked songbirds rather than the specific two syllable word such as robin or warbler. I thought it was more poetic (-;

Mark

Comment from Mrs. KT

Exceptional

Happy New Year, Mark!
I appreciate every line of your exceptionally well-crafted 5/7/5 poetic offering!
"sleepers' crusted lids" = quite the visual! Very keen and perceptive!

Thank you for sharing!
diane

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2022

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022

Diane,

Wow! Thanks for the sixer!

Methinks, many of us have that crust in our eyes when we wake. Likely, it happens more often if we are sick. I liked songbirds rather than the specific two syllable word such as robin or warbler. I thought it was more poetic (-;

It is always my pleasure to get your review for my short stuff (-;

Mark

Comment from Sugarray77

Excellent

Mark!!! Crusted lids.... ewwwww. You had the entire verse flowing beautifully til you added that part.... how about.... I slowly arise... or morning melody.... It IS your verse, so I will desist. :). Have a lovely day.

Melissa

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2022

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reply by the author on 02-Jan-2022

OK Melissa, your alternatives may make my poem more poetic (-;

Of course, some mornings we do have that ick in our eyes! I will reconsider my version in light of your critique.

Mark