Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi there,

I think you did a good job with this piece. It is very readable and quite conversational which works well.

Some notes I made as I read through-

I don't think you need the 'e' on penguins.

I still remember and wonderful experience- still remember a wonderful

The sun was bright, but the morning still was cool- you could drop the second usage of 'was' here.

holding cheetah cub.- a cheetah cub.

We walked past the monkeys, who were chattering up a storm and then- maybe insert a comma after storm.

zoo after she finish high school. - finished.

and one jump and took the fish right out of- jumped.

"C'mon, I'll show you how we feed the babies. - need closing speech marks here.

All the best
GMG

 Comment Written 01-Jan-2022

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reply by the author on 01-Jan-2022

Thank you so much for the careful read and suggestions. Very, very appreciative of your time.

reply by the author on 01-Jan-2022

Thank you so much for the careful read and suggestions. Very, very appreciative of your time.

reply by the author on 01-Jan-2022

I'm so sorry I am out of nominations. I can't thank you enough.

reply by the author on 01-Jan-2022

I'm so sorry I am out of nominations. I can't thank you enough.

Comment from Melodie Michelle

Excellent

Great story for the Welcome to the Zoo contest and also best of wishes in the contest!
The first suggestion I have is to consider changing that font because it is been difficult to read;-)

Thanxxxxx for sharing and many blessings to you and your family during this brand New Year!

 Comment Written 01-Jan-2022

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reply by the author on 01-Jan-2022

Can't change the font, color and font are required by the rules. But I agree it is difficult to read and not one I would choose. Thanks for the read. Appreciated.

reply by the author on 01-Jan-2022

Can't change the font, color and font are required by the rules. But I agree it is difficult to read and not one I would choose. Thanks for the read. Appreciated.

Comment from Eunice Amero

Excellent

I enjoyed this story. JUst a couple mistakes I noticed, (payment>pavement). (Kings> Kinds)
Rose (the> then) pointed,
Don't worry about those little mistakes, mines worse. You did a good job. Liked to been there. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 31-Dec-2021

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reply by the author on 31-Dec-2021

Thanks for the read and for the pavement catch and for the mistake with Rose the. Very helpful. Kings refer to King Penguins who live at the South Pole.

reply by Eunice Amero on 01-Jan-2022

Oh I don't think I'm a bet smart. I just happen to noticed them. You take good care. You are very welcome.

Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)

Excellent

I found this an interesting story, with good, strong description. I liked the way it concentrated on just a few animals, in this way avoiding becoming boring.

 Comment Written 31-Dec-2021

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reply by the author on 31-Dec-2021

Thanks for the read and review.